Absurd Assumptions Concerning Nuclear Familiar Related Tangents

I wish I could switch my mind off.
That way I would never worry
or begin to think
about the possibility
of consideration
considering you.

A smile can be laughter
but most cases
in these days
it feels like
a mere taunting
reverberating
everything
in redundant waves
that I fail
in understanding.

I see this
and I see that
I see families
even fragments
which are more
than mine
and it confuses me,
greatly.

Pride?
Consideration?
Honor?
Love?
Desire for company?

What are these falsehoods?
These lies spouted,
breathed into my ear?
I cannot believe these things
that they could ever be
much less be about me
or what can ever be
but most certainly
not about me.

I can walk on this
or that
or our path
and it won't belong
because it's for one
nor two
or more
just me
and my falsehoods
and false ability
to see.

Accession,
or merely a declension
as I recall
just the steps that led
to the awkward air
and my regret
that this is somehow
all my fault anyway
that the familiar sting
is familiar because
it is familial
and nothing more
because
it encompases
something
that is everything else
and will continue to cyle
and churn
and turn
and burn
and whirl
because that is what it is
and to expect less
is to expect more
than what reality is.

The lie was in beliveing
even in the imagination
of a momment
of a minute
that this lifestyle
was for me.
Familiar,
familiar,
fatality.
Nothing quite so grand
just a penny
here and there
for your thoughts
and less than
just here and there
as it were.