"blessed are the meek who shall inherit
the throes of death for all their merit
the right to stumble, to fall and perish
doomed are those who hold and cherish
I tried to steal the moon from the sky
you hide behind your broken wings
your dreams are all for better things
and in the dark we climb this slope
cause the bravest thing is always hope
goodbye, goodbye "
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Rain Streaked Glass
Rain...as destructive and deadly as it has been since its inception at the flood...it still possess this unearthly beauty that makes both the sky and life seem so much more beautiful.
Rolling dark gray
and sheets of rain.
Fall down today
and wash away
all this tear streaked pain.
Because hope is eternal
and never can fear
outlast the dawn.
It is this time that is crucial
this reaching to the stars
where I dare to dream
and dare to be brave
in that sometimes
the bravest thing is to hope.
Rolling dark gray
and sheets of rain.
Fall down today
and wash away
all this tear streaked pain.
Because hope is eternal
and never can fear
outlast the dawn.
It is this time that is crucial
this reaching to the stars
where I dare to dream
and dare to be brave
in that sometimes
the bravest thing is to hope.
John 9:1-3
As He passed by, He saw a man blind from birth.
And His disciples asked Him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?"
Jesus answered, "It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him.
And His disciples asked Him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?"
Jesus answered, "It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him.
A few more Blaise Pascal quotes:
The true nature of man, his true good, true virtue, and true religion cannot be known separately.
Instead of complaining that God has kept himself hidden, you will give him thanks that he has made himself so visible. And you will give him further thanks that he has not revealed himself to the wise people full of pride, unworthy of knowing so holy of a God.
Justice, like finery, is dictated by fashion.
If our condition were truly happy, we should not have to diver ourselves from thinking about it.
We must know ourselves. Even if that did not help in discovering truth, it would at least help in putting order into our life. Nothing is more proper.
Ecclesiastes shows that man without God knows nothing and remains inevitably unhappy. To be unhappy is to want to do something but to be unable to do it. He can want to be happy and certain of some truth; however he can neither know nor want to know. He cannot even doubt.
Pride. More often than not curiosity is merely vanity. We only want to know something in order to talk about it. Otherwise we would not go on a sea voyage to say nothing about it, but simply for the pleasure of seeing things without ever hoping to describe them.
Respect means to go out of your way for others. This is seemingly aimless but it is very true, for it means that I would certainly go out of my way if you needed it, since I do it anyway when you do not. Besides, respect distinguishes the great. If respect required only to be directed at those sitting in armchairs, we would respect everyone, and there would be no distinction made. But, having gone to some trouble, we can make the distinction very easily.
Christianity is strange: it requires human beings to recognize that they are vile and even abominable, and requires them to want to be like God. Without such a counterweight this elevation would make them execrably vain, or this abasement execrably despicable.
Wretchedness provokes despair.
Pride provokes presumption.
The Incarnation shows man the greatness of his wretchedness through the greatness of the remedy which was required.
What a distance there is between knowing God and loving Him.
"If I had seen a miracle," they say, "I would be converted." How can they affirm what they would do about something of which they know nothing? They imagine that this conversion consists in worshiping God, seeing it as some king of transaction or conversation. True conversion consists in self-abasement before the universal being whom we have so often angered and who could legitimately destroy us at any time, in recognizing that we can do nothing without him and that we have deserve nothing from him but our disgrace. It consist in knowing that there is an irreconcilable opposition between God and ourselves, and that without a mediator there can be no transaction.
Miracles exist for the sake of doctrine and not doctrine for miracles.
Miracles and truth are necessary because the whole human being must be convinced, body and soul.
Truth is so darkened nowadays, and lies so established, that unless we love the truth we will never know it.
Weak people are those who know the truth, but who maintain it only as far as it is in their interest to do so. Beyond that, they abandon it.
And his most epic quote:
Wretchedness. The only thing that consoles us for out miseries is distraction, yet that is the greatest of our wretchednesses. Because that is what mainly prevents us from thinking about ourselves and leads us imperceptibly to damnation. Without it we should be bored, and boredom would force us to search for a firmer way out, but distraction entertains us and leads us imperceptibly to death.
Instead of complaining that God has kept himself hidden, you will give him thanks that he has made himself so visible. And you will give him further thanks that he has not revealed himself to the wise people full of pride, unworthy of knowing so holy of a God.
Justice, like finery, is dictated by fashion.
If our condition were truly happy, we should not have to diver ourselves from thinking about it.
We must know ourselves. Even if that did not help in discovering truth, it would at least help in putting order into our life. Nothing is more proper.
Ecclesiastes shows that man without God knows nothing and remains inevitably unhappy. To be unhappy is to want to do something but to be unable to do it. He can want to be happy and certain of some truth; however he can neither know nor want to know. He cannot even doubt.
Pride. More often than not curiosity is merely vanity. We only want to know something in order to talk about it. Otherwise we would not go on a sea voyage to say nothing about it, but simply for the pleasure of seeing things without ever hoping to describe them.
Respect means to go out of your way for others. This is seemingly aimless but it is very true, for it means that I would certainly go out of my way if you needed it, since I do it anyway when you do not. Besides, respect distinguishes the great. If respect required only to be directed at those sitting in armchairs, we would respect everyone, and there would be no distinction made. But, having gone to some trouble, we can make the distinction very easily.
Christianity is strange: it requires human beings to recognize that they are vile and even abominable, and requires them to want to be like God. Without such a counterweight this elevation would make them execrably vain, or this abasement execrably despicable.
Wretchedness provokes despair.
Pride provokes presumption.
The Incarnation shows man the greatness of his wretchedness through the greatness of the remedy which was required.
What a distance there is between knowing God and loving Him.
"If I had seen a miracle," they say, "I would be converted." How can they affirm what they would do about something of which they know nothing? They imagine that this conversion consists in worshiping God, seeing it as some king of transaction or conversation. True conversion consists in self-abasement before the universal being whom we have so often angered and who could legitimately destroy us at any time, in recognizing that we can do nothing without him and that we have deserve nothing from him but our disgrace. It consist in knowing that there is an irreconcilable opposition between God and ourselves, and that without a mediator there can be no transaction.
Miracles exist for the sake of doctrine and not doctrine for miracles.
Miracles and truth are necessary because the whole human being must be convinced, body and soul.
Truth is so darkened nowadays, and lies so established, that unless we love the truth we will never know it.
Weak people are those who know the truth, but who maintain it only as far as it is in their interest to do so. Beyond that, they abandon it.
And his most epic quote:
Wretchedness. The only thing that consoles us for out miseries is distraction, yet that is the greatest of our wretchednesses. Because that is what mainly prevents us from thinking about ourselves and leads us imperceptibly to damnation. Without it we should be bored, and boredom would force us to search for a firmer way out, but distraction entertains us and leads us imperceptibly to death.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Feeling Alive
It's the blood I feel in my veins
as my heart pumps,
the same blood that carried you
and let's me feel the same pain
that defined you.
The balance of being here and there
feeling these manipulations of my heart
that splinter apart in my mind
while daring to hope to redefine
this casting about for a part
It's just me being me
feeling a part of you,
never knowing I was looking
until You found me here.
as my heart pumps,
the same blood that carried you
and let's me feel the same pain
that defined you.
The balance of being here and there
feeling these manipulations of my heart
that splinter apart in my mind
while daring to hope to redefine
this casting about for a part
It's just me being me
feeling a part of you,
never knowing I was looking
until You found me here.
Act
I cannot just act.
There must be justification...reasoning behind the action...the purpose leading to the action that will inevitable lead to a reaction.
There has to be a process.
There is a process.
Without there is no meaning in the behavior and actions.
Action and reaction...cause and effect.
God made...things are...the Lamb loves because He is...there is accountability and an accounting...but it is for freedom and love that Christ died...to free us from sin...not so that we could be slaved to ever changing whims of our broken hearts.
Is it possible to be whole?
To regain thoughts?
To feel again?
It's like a wine...some intoxication that pulls at my heart...I feel this ice around my heart melt and warmth flood into my body...I don't deserve it...I can't comprehend it...but it is something so vivid I want to share...I know I was born to share it.
How...and why...
I don't know...so much...I'm trying to understand...I want to...
I'm afraid I'm pushing things I shouldn't...but you know...I haven't slept in a long time and my brain is getting muddled...I'm still incredibly stressed out over crap from yesterday and I need to rest my mind for a couple of hours.
The world may not end soon...it will end too soon...but hopefully not before I wake up and am able to confront this enigmatic thought once more...and strive to understand Love as is...and find a place to be...to act.
God...just help...please.
There must be justification...reasoning behind the action...the purpose leading to the action that will inevitable lead to a reaction.
There has to be a process.
There is a process.
Without there is no meaning in the behavior and actions.
Action and reaction...cause and effect.
God made...things are...the Lamb loves because He is...there is accountability and an accounting...but it is for freedom and love that Christ died...to free us from sin...not so that we could be slaved to ever changing whims of our broken hearts.
Is it possible to be whole?
To regain thoughts?
To feel again?
It's like a wine...some intoxication that pulls at my heart...I feel this ice around my heart melt and warmth flood into my body...I don't deserve it...I can't comprehend it...but it is something so vivid I want to share...I know I was born to share it.
How...and why...
I don't know...so much...I'm trying to understand...I want to...
I'm afraid I'm pushing things I shouldn't...but you know...I haven't slept in a long time and my brain is getting muddled...I'm still incredibly stressed out over crap from yesterday and I need to rest my mind for a couple of hours.
The world may not end soon...it will end too soon...but hopefully not before I wake up and am able to confront this enigmatic thought once more...and strive to understand Love as is...and find a place to be...to act.
God...just help...please.
"The Lamb" - William Blake
Little Lamb, who made thee?
Dost thou know who made thee?
Gave thee life, and bid thee feed,
By the stream and o'er the mead;
Gave thee clothing of delight,
Softest clothing, woolly, bright;
Gave thee such a tender voice,
Making all the vales rejoice?
Little Lamb, who made thee?
Dost thou know who made thee?
Little Lamb, I'll tell thee,
Little Lamb, I'll tell thee.
He is called by thy name,
For He calls Himself a Lamb.
He is meek, and He is mild;
He became a little child.
I a child, and thou a lamb,
We are called by His name.
Little Lamb, God bless thee!
Little Lamb, God bless thee!
Dost thou know who made thee?
Gave thee life, and bid thee feed,
By the stream and o'er the mead;
Gave thee clothing of delight,
Softest clothing, woolly, bright;
Gave thee such a tender voice,
Making all the vales rejoice?
Little Lamb, who made thee?
Dost thou know who made thee?
Little Lamb, I'll tell thee,
Little Lamb, I'll tell thee.
He is called by thy name,
For He calls Himself a Lamb.
He is meek, and He is mild;
He became a little child.
I a child, and thou a lamb,
We are called by His name.
Little Lamb, God bless thee!
Little Lamb, God bless thee!
"Day of Pigs" - Roper
Saturday
I could feet the crowd's dismay
They've acquired quite a fire
to burn the profane on a funeral pyre
Voices shrill
cutting silence like they mean to kill
Some pep rally where we scream His name
like God was loosing in a football game
I don't want to waste His name this time
I will never cast Him to the swine
(Grasping at some feeling you once knew
is nothing sacred ever safe with you?)
Silver tongues
all the spirit of an iron lung
Selling highs as if we needed one
Flash the lights so not be outdone
Counterfeit
wanting joy so much we take a hit
like a tapeworm deep in hunger digs
Waste the sacred just to feed these pigs
I don't want to waste His name this time
I will never cast Him to the swine
(Grasping at some feeling you once knew
is nothing sacred ever safe with you?)
If this is real, then you must find it
between the space of grace and grim
It's nothing you can manufacture
your walls cannot contain Him
"Grace" - U2
Grace, she takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name
Grace, it's the name for a girl
It's also a thought that could change the world
And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness in everything
Grace, she's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk
She travels outside of karma, karma
She travels outside of karma
When she goes to work
You can hear the strings
Grace finds beauty in everything
Grace, she carries a world on her hips
No champagne flue for her lips
No twirls or skips between her fingertips
She carries a pearl in perfect condition
What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark no longer stings
Because Grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things
Grace finds beauty in everything
Grace finds goodness in everything
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name
Grace, it's the name for a girl
It's also a thought that could change the world
And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness in everything
Grace, she's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk
She travels outside of karma, karma
She travels outside of karma
When she goes to work
You can hear the strings
Grace finds beauty in everything
Grace, she carries a world on her hips
No champagne flue for her lips
No twirls or skips between her fingertips
She carries a pearl in perfect condition
What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark no longer stings
Because Grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things
Grace finds beauty in everything
Grace finds goodness in everything
It's been a bad feeling afternoon...but...I guess I'm better.
I feel slightly numb from the medication...
Thoughts keep racing...a lot of fear and confusion...I'm praying harder though...if I'm going to go You are going to have to make a way...and I'm only going to get there, wherever there is, by trusting You.
I feel slightly numb from the medication...
Thoughts keep racing...a lot of fear and confusion...I'm praying harder though...if I'm going to go You are going to have to make a way...and I'm only going to get there, wherever there is, by trusting You.
Friday, September 18, 2009
"Spartan" - Five Iron Frenzy
Billie Holiday on the radio
my sluggish heart is beating seven beats too slow
another sad song and another shot of blue
cold and unconcerned are anything but new
He said “Love endures all things”
and it hurts to think He’s right
If I mark the span of failure
is his burden just as light?
I am, Spartan
close my heart so tight
Jesus
Save me
from myself tonight
Limping through the world
there’s a knowing look or two
is it just the cripples here
who understand the truth?
Why is love so painful
why do we always lose
paving pathways for the lost
the bitter, and recluse?
He said “Love endures all things”
and it hurts to think it’s true
did it nail Him on a cross
did it crucify Him too?
I am, Spartan
close my heart so tight
Jesus
Save me
from myself tonight
The angels are singing over the plains
the shepherds are quaking, echoing refrains
And all of our slogans designed to take away the pain
meant nothing to the Son of God that night in Bethlehem
my sluggish heart is beating seven beats too slow
another sad song and another shot of blue
cold and unconcerned are anything but new
He said “Love endures all things”
and it hurts to think He’s right
If I mark the span of failure
is his burden just as light?
I am, Spartan
close my heart so tight
Jesus
Save me
from myself tonight
Limping through the world
there’s a knowing look or two
is it just the cripples here
who understand the truth?
Why is love so painful
why do we always lose
paving pathways for the lost
the bitter, and recluse?
He said “Love endures all things”
and it hurts to think it’s true
did it nail Him on a cross
did it crucify Him too?
I am, Spartan
close my heart so tight
Jesus
Save me
from myself tonight
The angels are singing over the plains
the shepherds are quaking, echoing refrains
And all of our slogans designed to take away the pain
meant nothing to the Son of God that night in Bethlehem
I, being possessed up such ridiculous scorn and a mind which remembers countless acts I have perceived as disrespect and hurt, have such a struggle with forgiving and not seeing actions for being what they are...as opposed to what I perceive them as.
I have...I can very easily feel overwhelmed and let things build up...which is what I'm trying to fix. I don't like the feeling of things being against me...and I strive so hard to avoid contact with people who cause my anxiety to sky rocket...and I just...it's just...
The solution is escape, not escapism.
I need Light to see by...Love to feel by and...and...fill in the rest.
Please.
I have...I can very easily feel overwhelmed and let things build up...which is what I'm trying to fix. I don't like the feeling of things being against me...and I strive so hard to avoid contact with people who cause my anxiety to sky rocket...and I just...it's just...
The solution is escape, not escapism.
I need Light to see by...Love to feel by and...and...fill in the rest.
Please.
My hands ache from guitar...it's a nice feeling but it makes it hard to type...haha...wow.
It's...so strange to see mirrors...especially of the...spiritual kind. It has been so long that I almost didn't recognize it when I saw one...hmm...must press deeper into thought and try to understand...
More clarity and honest evaluation...odd but funny thoughts...
Mind so tired...maybe I do need sleep...after all...
It's...so strange to see mirrors...especially of the...spiritual kind. It has been so long that I almost didn't recognize it when I saw one...hmm...must press deeper into thought and try to understand...
More clarity and honest evaluation...odd but funny thoughts...
Mind so tired...maybe I do need sleep...after all...
"Farewell to Arms" - Five Iron Frenzy
You said, "Down with the church",
with your fists up in the air,
all the rancor and the hate,
yeah we saw your frigid stare.
You hate Christianity, but love your animosity,
it's the church who's getting rotten,
yet it's Christ that you've forgotten.
Goodnight, goodbye, farewell to arms, it's time.
Lay down your hate,
(the burden and) the weight will disappear.
If you could separate your anger,
from that still small voice you hear.
Clench your fists and grit your teeth,
save forgiveness for the weak.
Let your bitterness consume,
let the salt rub in your wounds.
You have saved up all your spite,
stoked the flame that keeps the fight,
it's so hard to be objective,
when your reason is defective.
Goodnight, goodbye, farewell to arms, it's time.
Lay down your hate,
(the burden and) the weight will disappear.
If you could separate your anger,
from that still small voice you hear.
You say that you've aged, I think you're just enraged.
Goodnight, goodbye, farewell to arms, it's time.
Who incited, what ignited, all this hatred?
Say farewell to arms.
Broken hearted, dearly departed,
maybe we should say farewell to arms.
with your fists up in the air,
all the rancor and the hate,
yeah we saw your frigid stare.
You hate Christianity, but love your animosity,
it's the church who's getting rotten,
yet it's Christ that you've forgotten.
Goodnight, goodbye, farewell to arms, it's time.
Lay down your hate,
(the burden and) the weight will disappear.
If you could separate your anger,
from that still small voice you hear.
Clench your fists and grit your teeth,
save forgiveness for the weak.
Let your bitterness consume,
let the salt rub in your wounds.
You have saved up all your spite,
stoked the flame that keeps the fight,
it's so hard to be objective,
when your reason is defective.
Goodnight, goodbye, farewell to arms, it's time.
Lay down your hate,
(the burden and) the weight will disappear.
If you could separate your anger,
from that still small voice you hear.
You say that you've aged, I think you're just enraged.
Goodnight, goodbye, farewell to arms, it's time.
Who incited, what ignited, all this hatred?
Say farewell to arms.
Broken hearted, dearly departed,
maybe we should say farewell to arms.
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