Heh...I forgot there was a 'Zelda' street in Montgomery, AL...how freaking epic is that?
To my knowledge that is STILL the only good thing about that city...
Saturday, August 29, 2009
I feel like such a volcano of emotion and thought is building...maybe it's confusion...maybe guilt...I just know so much of it is from missing You.
Where did You go?
I freak out at the slightest pain and confusion...so could You please close the distance once again?
I'm tired of sleeping while awake and never knowing when my dreams end and You begin.
Where did You go?
I freak out at the slightest pain and confusion...so could You please close the distance once again?
I'm tired of sleeping while awake and never knowing when my dreams end and You begin.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Red and Green
I see such vivid layers of frustration.
Why must thing be so?
It's not like this or that
it's just really us.
Or is it me pretending to be you
while I pretend to just be me?
It's not like ever really knew,
knew what we were getting into.
Life started flying
Life started falling
and everything we had
is everything we got.
I wish things could be simple,
that I could just shut up
and be quiet long enough
for You to be happy.
It's like every utterance
just brings us back to this place.
A vivid visual trap
that could close so casually.
Why does it have to feel so shallow?
It's like everything I fought for
was this casual careless parade.
Painted red like the gallows,
there is no open door
and no charming voice to dissuade.
It's just us, us standing here
and wondering what might be next.
I feel it burning in me,
so deep and long.
I can't drink to quench the burning
and it's just another long night.
Everything I open my eyes
I want them shut
just so I don't have to see You.
Why must thing be so?
It's not like this or that
it's just really us.
Or is it me pretending to be you
while I pretend to just be me?
It's not like ever really knew,
knew what we were getting into.
Life started flying
Life started falling
and everything we had
is everything we got.
I wish things could be simple,
that I could just shut up
and be quiet long enough
for You to be happy.
It's like every utterance
just brings us back to this place.
A vivid visual trap
that could close so casually.
Why does it have to feel so shallow?
It's like everything I fought for
was this casual careless parade.
Painted red like the gallows,
there is no open door
and no charming voice to dissuade.
It's just us, us standing here
and wondering what might be next.
I feel it burning in me,
so deep and long.
I can't drink to quench the burning
and it's just another long night.
Everything I open my eyes
I want them shut
just so I don't have to see You.
Night Time Cafe
It's not like I started out the night knowing we would be here.
It's not like I started out my life knowing where I would be.
Any other day we could have met and simply passed,
and yet here with sincere bated breath we wait.
Any other day in my life could have had me walking,
passing the other way not realizing
not feeling how incomplete being me could be.
We don't have enough time for bad metaphors
and me to pander to just me.
Not just another series of notes,
You, it's You I'm trying to write about.
Just forget me enough to write this note
and hope something happens.
That maybe Your door will open
and maybe just maybe everything will be.
Just like it should be.
It's not like I started out my life knowing where I would be.
Any other day we could have met and simply passed,
and yet here with sincere bated breath we wait.
Any other day in my life could have had me walking,
passing the other way not realizing
not feeling how incomplete being me could be.
We don't have enough time for bad metaphors
and me to pander to just me.
Not just another series of notes,
You, it's You I'm trying to write about.
Just forget me enough to write this note
and hope something happens.
That maybe Your door will open
and maybe just maybe everything will be.
Just like it should be.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
It's the small things really...
I happen to find it awesome that I was the last person to post on Data Node One before it was locked.
Yes!
Bask in my awesome forum posting skills world!
Bask I say!
Yes!
Bask in my awesome forum posting skills world!
Bask I say!
Hrmmm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Kingdom_of_God_Is_Within_You
http://www.amazon.com/Kingdom-God-Within-You/dp/1604594063/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1251406110&sr=8-1
http://books.google.com/books?id=qKq4MNK6Gb4C&printsec=frontcover&dq=the+kingdom++of+God+is+within+you+Leo+Tolstoy&ei=zfGWSoeIEI3AygS_6-j9Dg#v=onepage&q=&f=false
http://www.amazon.com/Kingdom-God-Within-You/dp/1604594063/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1251406110&sr=8-1
http://books.google.com/books?id=qKq4MNK6Gb4C&printsec=frontcover&dq=the+kingdom++of+God+is+within+you+Leo+Tolstoy&ei=zfGWSoeIEI3AygS_6-j9Dg#v=onepage&q=&f=false
Tolkien on Anarchism
Just recently rediscovered this quote:
“My political opinions lean more and more to Anarchy (philosophically understood, meaning the abolition of control not whiskered men with bombs) — or to ‘unconstitutional’ Monarchy. I would arrest anybody who uses the word State (in any sense other than the inaminate real of England and its inhabitants, a thing that has neither power, rights nor mind); and after a chance of recantation, execute them if they remained obstinate! If we could go back to personal names, it would do a lot of good. Government is an abstract noun meaning the art and process of governing and it should be an offence to write it with a capital G or so to refer to people. […] Anyway the proper study of Man is anything but Man; and the most improper job of any many, even saints (who at any rate were at least unwilling to take it on), is bossing other men. Not one in a million is fit for it, and least of all those who seek the opportunity. At least it is done only to a small group of men who know who their master is. The mediaevals were only too right in taking nolo episcopari as the best reason a man could give to others for making him a bishop. Grant me a king whose chief interest in life is stamps, railways, or race-horses; and who has the power to sack his Vizier (or whatever you dare call him) if he does not like the cut of his trousers. And so on down the line. But, of course, the fatal weakness of all that — after all only the fatal weakness of all good natural things in a bad corrupt unnatural world — is that it works and has only worked when all the world is messing along in the same good old inefficient human way. […] There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamating factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal”
From
J. R. R. Tolkien. The Letters of J. R. R. Tolkien. ed. Humphrey Carpenter (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1981), 63 -4.
http://activism.suite101.com/article.cfm/anarchy_in_jrr_tolkiens_the_lord_of_the_ring
http://hnn.us/blogs/entries/2737.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anarchism_and_violence
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_anarchism
“My political opinions lean more and more to Anarchy (philosophically understood, meaning the abolition of control not whiskered men with bombs) — or to ‘unconstitutional’ Monarchy. I would arrest anybody who uses the word State (in any sense other than the inaminate real of England and its inhabitants, a thing that has neither power, rights nor mind); and after a chance of recantation, execute them if they remained obstinate! If we could go back to personal names, it would do a lot of good. Government is an abstract noun meaning the art and process of governing and it should be an offence to write it with a capital G or so to refer to people. […] Anyway the proper study of Man is anything but Man; and the most improper job of any many, even saints (who at any rate were at least unwilling to take it on), is bossing other men. Not one in a million is fit for it, and least of all those who seek the opportunity. At least it is done only to a small group of men who know who their master is. The mediaevals were only too right in taking nolo episcopari as the best reason a man could give to others for making him a bishop. Grant me a king whose chief interest in life is stamps, railways, or race-horses; and who has the power to sack his Vizier (or whatever you dare call him) if he does not like the cut of his trousers. And so on down the line. But, of course, the fatal weakness of all that — after all only the fatal weakness of all good natural things in a bad corrupt unnatural world — is that it works and has only worked when all the world is messing along in the same good old inefficient human way. […] There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamating factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal”
From
J. R. R. Tolkien. The Letters of J. R. R. Tolkien. ed. Humphrey Carpenter (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1981), 63 -4.
http://activism.suite101.com/article.cfm/anarchy_in_jrr_tolkiens_the_lord_of_the_ring
http://hnn.us/blogs/entries/2737.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anarchism_and_violence
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_anarchism
Straw Man
I am made of straw and dry leaf
made to never last.
I am made to catch and burn
here today and then I pass.
Feeble limbs and fluff for brain
the lines I speak I was simply fed.
Lame I hang here lips uttering the inane
and I have not yet fled.
And I have not yet fled.
made to never last.
I am made to catch and burn
here today and then I pass.
Feeble limbs and fluff for brain
the lines I speak I was simply fed.
Lame I hang here lips uttering the inane
and I have not yet fled.
And I have not yet fled.
"Blessed are the meek who shall inherit
The throes of death for all their merit
The right to stumble, to fail and perish
Doomed are those who hold and cherish
I tried to steal the moon from the sky
You hide behind your broken wings
Your dreams are all for better things
And in the dark we climb this slope
Cause the bravest thing of all is always hope
Goodbye, goodbye"
The throes of death for all their merit
The right to stumble, to fail and perish
Doomed are those who hold and cherish
I tried to steal the moon from the sky
You hide behind your broken wings
Your dreams are all for better things
And in the dark we climb this slope
Cause the bravest thing of all is always hope
Goodbye, goodbye"
Revised
Earlier it felt like I was falling, now that I've had time to breath I think everything is alright.
Alright as it can be...with my confusion, my pain, my...well there are a hundred thousand equally painful things.
What matters is I'm choosing, this moment, to breath.
There is an infinite combination of reasons to lay down and give up. There is an innumerable excuses and complaints I could log...but there is no solid point.
It's bad, can be really bad but it's not bad enough to just quit.
Pushing myself to bike about 25 minutes a day...about seven miles give or take...feeling the pain...this is a necessity.
Pain in this live is unavoidable.
It can either temper your body and soul, give strength, or it can destroy you.
Pain is inescapable.
Pain and the abscess thereof, are how we define our lives, how we give meaning and justification. We strive to avoid, to ignore, to neglect and run from.
But it's only in staring this bastard child of the Fall down that we begin to see who we really are. We can cry out at the injustice, at the pain and in disbelief. Or we can blindly charge in and die remembering what it means to be free and true to our nature, our created being.
Maybe this is still thinking negative...that the fight is inevitable, the break down of the body will happen...it'll be horrifying and painful. The only choice we have in the matter is how we face the Dark when it comes. Heads held high in pride or low in shame and regret.
I have an obligation to God, to family, to friends...to Love...to push my body and make it heal, make it shape, make it obey. I don't know how long my heart has, or my brain, my lungs or how intense the electrical nerves will blast before all is said and done...but I'm tired of running.
Of hiding behind this mask of my own design.
Maybe I'm not, maybe I'm seeing things only as I will so that I have hope...or maybe I'm starting to finally believe in choice.
Alright as it can be...with my confusion, my pain, my...well there are a hundred thousand equally painful things.
What matters is I'm choosing, this moment, to breath.
There is an infinite combination of reasons to lay down and give up. There is an innumerable excuses and complaints I could log...but there is no solid point.
It's bad, can be really bad but it's not bad enough to just quit.
Pushing myself to bike about 25 minutes a day...about seven miles give or take...feeling the pain...this is a necessity.
Pain in this live is unavoidable.
It can either temper your body and soul, give strength, or it can destroy you.
Pain is inescapable.
Pain and the abscess thereof, are how we define our lives, how we give meaning and justification. We strive to avoid, to ignore, to neglect and run from.
But it's only in staring this bastard child of the Fall down that we begin to see who we really are. We can cry out at the injustice, at the pain and in disbelief. Or we can blindly charge in and die remembering what it means to be free and true to our nature, our created being.
Maybe this is still thinking negative...that the fight is inevitable, the break down of the body will happen...it'll be horrifying and painful. The only choice we have in the matter is how we face the Dark when it comes. Heads held high in pride or low in shame and regret.
I have an obligation to God, to family, to friends...to Love...to push my body and make it heal, make it shape, make it obey. I don't know how long my heart has, or my brain, my lungs or how intense the electrical nerves will blast before all is said and done...but I'm tired of running.
Of hiding behind this mask of my own design.
Maybe I'm not, maybe I'm seeing things only as I will so that I have hope...or maybe I'm starting to finally believe in choice.
I'm not supposed to worry today...I was told to check it at the door and do my best to just relax...other people are feeling the large amounts of stress with everything else going on.
I'm okay I think.
The more I try to remember what hit me last night...the more difficult it is to grasp it. Mentally I'm a little scattered because I'm running out on medication and I'm having to split it...doctors are being annoying and won't keep giving me the stuff they have it on.
How do I find these guys?
The good news is that I've been given several leads on doctors.
Hmm I'll write more later...must go...
I'm okay I think.
The more I try to remember what hit me last night...the more difficult it is to grasp it. Mentally I'm a little scattered because I'm running out on medication and I'm having to split it...doctors are being annoying and won't keep giving me the stuff they have it on.
How do I find these guys?
The good news is that I've been given several leads on doctors.
Hmm I'll write more later...must go...
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
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