Revised

Earlier it felt like I was falling, now that I've had time to breath I think everything is alright.

Alright as it can be...with my confusion, my pain, my...well there are a hundred thousand equally painful things.

What matters is I'm choosing, this moment, to breath.

There is an infinite combination of reasons to lay down and give up. There is an innumerable excuses and complaints I could log...but there is no solid point.

It's bad, can be really bad but it's not bad enough to just quit.

Pushing myself to bike about 25 minutes a day...about seven miles give or take...feeling the pain...this is a necessity.

Pain in this live is unavoidable.

It can either temper your body and soul, give strength, or it can destroy you.

Pain is inescapable.

Pain and the abscess thereof, are how we define our lives, how we give meaning and justification. We strive to avoid, to ignore, to neglect and run from.

But it's only in staring this bastard child of the Fall down that we begin to see who we really are. We can cry out at the injustice, at the pain and in disbelief. Or we can blindly charge in and die remembering what it means to be free and true to our nature, our created being.

Maybe this is still thinking negative...that the fight is inevitable, the break down of the body will happen...it'll be horrifying and painful. The only choice we have in the matter is how we face the Dark when it comes. Heads held high in pride or low in shame and regret.

I have an obligation to God, to family, to friends...to Love...to push my body and make it heal, make it shape, make it obey. I don't know how long my heart has, or my brain, my lungs or how intense the electrical nerves will blast before all is said and done...but I'm tired of running.

Of hiding behind this mask of my own design.

Maybe I'm not, maybe I'm seeing things only as I will so that I have hope...or maybe I'm starting to finally believe in choice.