Oh...life...

New Year

Happy new year everyone.
Another year, another time and experience.
Curious to see where the madness might go this year...

Last day of the year...

Apocalypse 2012

...well so far this has been a rather dull Apocalypse. Maybe the problem is the lack of spontaneity in world-ending-events? It's sort of like waking up on Christmas to no presents...I mean, not seeing a horde of zombies or multiple mushroom clouds off in the horizon just makes for a very lackluster apocalyptic experience.

Better luck next time?

(And I refuse to even make a snide remark about the number of Christians who were actually concerned about this date. I would mention something about reading their Bible but what's the point when it's most likely being used as a dusty paper weight.)

Quote of the Day:

"How do I turn this into something I believe,
When it’s something I’ve been told and something I’ve been taught?
How do I turn this into something that I need?
I’ll be lavishly controlled and be someone that I’m not.

Believing in love, believing in hope, surrendering all of my will,
Believing in nothing is scary, believing in something is scarier still.

Believing in love, believing in hope, surrendering all of my will,
Believing in nothing is scary, believing in something is scarier still."
-Showbread, "Precursor" 

Dream a Little Dream

Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.

Pain.
Tired.
Wishing I could dream again.
Beauty of beauty,
be not too far from me. 

Sleep,
so exhausted.
I welcome oblivion.
More than I could have asked for.

It's a pity panic attacks are becoming far too expensive to have...

"Show me the way to go home
I'm tired and I want to go to bed
I had a little drink about an hour ago
and it went right to my head..."

Further proof God actively spites me?
This damnable facial hair.
Sandpaper.
That is what my face feels like.
That is what it feels like when ANYTHING touches it.
Yargh.
Almost, almost, almost as bad as a hangnail.

Fibromyalgia oversensitivity, you suck.

Nanowrimo 2012 - Day 26

http://lamecreation.blogspot.com/2012/11/nanowrimo-2012-day-26.html

Farewell 'Friendship'

A wonderful morning to be rid of old trash.
Cutting ties.
Letting go.
Remembering what it's like to smile because of true friendship.

Not fair weather uselessness.

All I can do is simply laugh.
What silly, silly people.

And what did they think I want?
More than a conversation?
Presumption silliness.

Time is passing,
fleeting
and increasing as the clock speeds bye.

I haven't had the time
but I must bid farewell.
Goodnight and goodnight.

Quote of the Day

“Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again."
-C.S. Lewis

Nanowrimo 2012 - Day 17

http://lamecreation.blogspot.com/2012/11/nanowrimo-2012-day-17.html

"I'll see you on that day
When I walk those last steps Your way
There's something moving in the shadows
There is that rumor of hope
When the Spirit starts roaring
For long we have but no longer will we cope
Love is personified
I'd rather die in love
Than stay alive numb

'Cause I'll still call it 
I'm still longing home

Where the sun never dies
Shine away my shadow
Where it's bright when I shut my eyes
I'll drink until I'm not thirsty
The sun never dies
Shine away my shadow
It's just waiting to rise"

Sort of weird to care so much but there be so little evidence or results.
And not even comments on stupid death inviting things.
Weird.

This is why I don't make idle self harm threats.
Or try to hurt me.
I hurt enough without effort.

"Nothing can stop me now because I don't care anymore"

Sick, Tired, Cellphones Suck

I was supposed to be in Chicago about three or four days ago.
Then money problems happened.
Then car problems happened.
Then cell phone problems happened.
And now I think I'm being revisited by some nasty stomach issues.

I'm going to go.
I have to try.
What do I have to lose when I have everything to gain?

I have to be responsible because some people need me...but I just want to cut those supports and fall.

Fall through the sky.
See the sun.
Touch the clouds.
Feel the wind rip at me.
The mist of breaking clouds.
All before crashing to the ground.

I'm trying to be the best Christian I can.
Prayer.
Study.
Love.
But I feel so weary, so worried, so broken Lord.
I know it's Your strength but it feels the more I pray the greater the burden.

I need You.
The End.
That is all.
Nothing else remotely matters.
Just that this gulf is crossed.
The emptiness filled.
Hope restored.
Beautiful Lord Jesus, whom I need every second.
Thank You.

Nanowrimo 2012 - Day 16

http://lamecreation.blogspot.com/2012/11/nanowrimo-2012-day-16.html

Nanowrimo 2012 - Day 15

http://lamecreation.blogspot.com/2012/11/nanowrimo-2012-day-15.html

"The curse is broken
Heavy burdens are lifted off
And my soul is light as a feather
In Your storm

Waves arrive like thunder
I'm not scared to end up under
Wash away my heartache that's
Creeping in
I'm not scared to loose my skin

I'm waiting for You
I always have
I'm waiting for You
And I always have"

Nanowrimo 2012 - Day 12

http://lamecreation.blogspot.com/

Nanowrimo 2012 - Day 11

http://lamecreation.blogspot.com/2012/11/nanowrimo-2012-day-11.html

Nanowrimo 2012 - Day 10

http://lamecreation.blogspot.com/2012/11/nanowrimo-2012-day-10.html

More writing.
More updates.

Nanowrimo 2012 - Day 8

http://lamecreation.blogspot.com/2012/11/nanowrimo-2012-day-8.html

Another post.
Another day.
More progress.
Sort of.