Busts...here and there.
I feel so hungry...
...but it's stress.
Not actual need for food.
Just for 'something' to do, as it were.

And pain.
And the old monster of depression.

So I can't be lonely.
Too many around.

Another Saturday (Okay Really Friday) Night

I'm not entirely sure if I'm okay with being here.
Not really seeing...things.
Oie.

Loneliness is the soul's discontentment.
And I'm not sure if it is me or the world out of synch.

I suppose, just suppose we shall see...

It's a little cold.

"Silence" - Blindside

Random Thought of the Day:

Would botching a resurrection spell by failing to heal the intended target and instead raise an entire graveyard be considered critically succeeding at critically failing?

Soul rending things.

Wooo.

" Anthem" - Five Iron Frenzy

"Pushing us a drug that you call freedom and democracy
Promise us that selfishness is the means for happiness
I burned that bridge so long ago that I can hardly see
Anything but solace in what freedom means to me
I can't fall anymore For some silver-tongued song
Freedom isn't free So let me say what freedom means to me
It cannot mean to serve ourselves
That doesn't mean a thing
It doesn't mean to give the license
To seek ourselves in anything
That would be slavery to ourselves it isn't free
Jesus Christ, the only thing that freedom means to me." 

I hate, hate, hate this smug feeling of self righteousness...

Quote of the Day:

"I am sorry: sorry you have come in for this burden: sorry about everything. Don't adventures ever have an end? I suppose not. Someone else always has to carry on the story..."
-Bilbo Baggins

Such conflict.
Turmoil.
Things I never wanted.
Dreamed of.
Or had nightmares of what could happen.

As always.

Choice.
Live.
Die.
Fight.
Surrender.

I can either fight to make a future or simply let go and let the story here.
But never, is it so simple.
So much pain.
So much regret.
But so much more hope.
So much to dream of.
To dare to dream.

"You" - Kevin Max

"I ran into your arms like Moses parted water
I ran into your arms like an angel to the father
I ran into your arms like a soul that has departed & u rescued me...

I fell down like the stars, u pick me up so tenderly
And I fell down like the stars, my wings made of clay
And I fell down like the stars, you hold me up so all can see
And u rescued me, oh yes

You, You are the One
You are the One, the only One
‘Cause You are,
You, You are the One
You are the One, You are my God

I stumble like a blind man
Destined to this earth I stray
I stumble like a blind man
No redemption
I stumble like a blind man
With eyes blacked out & a mouth of sand
And you rescued me, oh come on

You, You are the One
You are the One, You are my God
‘Cause You are,
You, You are the One
You are the One, the only One

‘Cause you are,

You are the sky that holds the rain
You are my greater stave
You are the drugs that kill the pain
You are everything, the teacher

I stand before your altar,
Falling strain of Abram’s son
I stand before your altar,
Like a lamb that’s to a slaughter

You, You are the One
You are the One, the Only One
‘Cause You are
You, You are the One
You are the One, the only One
And You are
You, You are the One
You are the One
You are my God
And you are
You, You are the One
You are the One, the only One
‘Cause You are

You wanna call me when I’m wondering with doubt
You wanna call and tell me everything’s alright
I know it’s you and you see everything in me
I know it’s you, It’s you

You are the sky that holds the rain
You are my greater stave
You are the drugs that kill my pain
You are everything, the teacher

You are the sky that holds the rain
You are my greater stave
You are the drugs that kill the pain"

Blessed Deconstruction

Living in,
living doubt.
Daily grind,
dreaming in
wanting, just waiting to punch out.

Pushing here at the artifice,
peddling emotions as a high.
Feeling, and living
in this disconnect of reality.
Pushing on.
Pressing through.
Forward through the shadows and flames.

Tear stained regrets aside
as wings spread out,
not that we fly
but that we ride
falling free
and falling true.

Hand in hand,
choosing the path
and wanderers wondering,
on this path of life
as we stumble onward
feeling
and singing the truth of the heart.

Pushing aside regret,
feeling the pull of wind
and the kiss of God's loving embrace,
as we are enveloped,
these wings carrying us
where we would never dare to tread.

Weird?

Nay.

Bizarre.

Unending bizarreness.

And...things become weirder by the day...

Hi Me.

Nothing in particular.

Just saying hi.

Bah.
Why must fast food be addictive?
Such delightfully unhealthy tastes and convenience.
Oh well, back to the nom of raw vegetables.
Woo.

A week into this new year.
My sinuses still have not recovered...but are almost back to their normal levels of irritated mess.
Silly doctors do not know how to return phone calls.

Plus side for work.
Speaking of work...

*Dataentryninjavanishbomb*

What IS it with you people and slash?
Furthermore, what the HELL is WRONG with you people?
...and slash?

That may be the single greatest reason why I am glad to not be published and there to be so few who know of my characters.

The very thought that someone would take mine...and do that with.
Ick.
Shudder.

The dark wind howls.

Things are changing.

And so they shall here.

Very soon.

Me being judgmental...oh the irony of that one...

Oh RP, are you Lonesome Tonight?

I think, think, think I am feeling better.
Am a bit sad I can't join my old Faction mates from The Matrix Online, on The Old Republic, but I'll live.

That would require the game, monthly payments and odds are a new gaming rig...far too much for my tiny budget right now.

I miss the stories, the constant story making process and being able to create on the fly.

That is what I love about Tabletop RPG's but there is something about the MMO that makes it easier to let go and make a character as a character. You aren't limited by your physical abilities of making sound, voices and movements...but can narrate and make what is really in your mind.

I miss playing Ninten and Lord Squishy so much.
I think both can fit into the Star Wars universe but if they can, it can wait.
Either someone is going to have to be a digital Sugar Daddy for me and buy me the game and help with getting the hardware or I'm going to have to treat this like my PlayStation 3 and save, save, save, save and hope for the best.

Regardless, I'll live without that particular avenue of story outlet.
World of Warcraft is something I only miss because it involved one of the most amazing people in the world and I happened to meet her via the game. It's strange how the digital world can sometimes lead to life changing experiences in this flesh and blood one.

Part of me wants to dive back into Azeroth, or maybe Middle-Earth.
Just to be able to let go of the current stressers I have and focus on story.
At this point most of the fanatical people will be moved on from the lowbie areas I have come to live in.

Well...just a thought.
I'm going to keep missing the old times in those games like I do rocking out with Forged in the Fire and Forgotten Purpose.
It's memories.
Neither bad nor good by themselves.
And I have the most important friendships and love from those times in my heart.
Which I will never forget.
And carry with me from now until eternity.
Where Love will be made complete.



Also, why did I have the weird dream about RP and The Old Republic?
Strange.
I miss those Mxo people too much...

Better...better...better...

"So ya thought ya
Might like to go to the show
To feel the warm thrill of confusion,
That space cadet glow.
Tell me, is something eluding you, sunshine?
Is this not what you expected to see?
If you wanna find out what's behind these cold eyes
You'll just have to claw your way through this disguise."

"Is There Anybody Out There?" - Pink Floyd

"What Shall We Do?/ Empty Spaces" - Pink Floyd