At what point did the Bible stop getting treated as a historical document?
Dealing with the abuse of criticism and the sheer presumptuous arrogance of some is quite an irritant.

Quote of the Day, The Second Part:

“Writing is easy. You only need to stare at a piece of blank paper until your forehead bleeds”
-Douglas Adams

*sigh*

I am an idiot.

...trying to be positive...

A Pause for Breath

Is it March?
Really?
When did that happen?

I am having trouble with wrapping my mind around the fact that I am already over halfway done with this first semester back working on my masters. Much less the fact it is in Mobile and at the University of Mobile.

Throw in the fact I'm currently typing away at my friend's kitchen table in Chicago after another great night of gaming and I'm not sure what to think.

The past year has been a blur of attempting to find resolutions and answers popping up from the most unexpected places. For every negative, every pain I have been through...there has been this unexpected beauty and sweetness on the other side. For one who talks (too much) about the wonders of the divine...I tend to be one much too quick to pass judgment and be negative...but oh how I have been blessed...in such unexpected and wonderful ways.

I'm baffled that I have met so many new people in such a short time and have grown closer to a handful of people who are more dear to me than life itself. To be honest...I'm shocked life is turning out so wonderful...so much more than I could have asked for or wanted.

Even with the daily struggles with pain and health...the good outweighs the bad. If it something I have to deal with, so be it. At least I have better health than what it could be. I hate how so many words of complain pass through my lips...sure I am human but still...

And the possibilities offered at Wheaton.
Goodness.
The fact they have had graduates from their Masters program actually go off to Oxford, Cambridge and Duke.
I know it's such a far shot...but what I would give for a chance to actually study abroad and actually attempt to make an impact in lands I have never seen before.

Is it pride?
False humility?
Just the key to my disorders?

I feel compelled...the need to serve and show love.
My life hasn't always been about living the love of Christ...but it is the only thing I sincerely want. I am horrible at personal relationships and coping with pain...but at least I just want this somewhat useless life useful and a chance for others to see how unique and beloved they are.

It's a leap...it's a bound outside the realm of logic that not everyone can handle...but love itself is a paradox that should have never existed...

But here we are...we didn't ask for this but we have the responsibility to live it out while we are here.
I didn't ask for it...for any of this but the beauty overwhelms the horror offered by life...in every way.

Far from being ideal...the pain is more beautiful than any cheap concoction of good I could have created on my own. I want to live through the pain...live and see what is to come...see the beauty and smile because this is only a beginning.

Quote of the Day:

"Wretchedness provokes despair.
Pride provokes presumption.
The Incarnation shows man the greatness of his wretchedness through the greatness of the remedy which was required."
-Blaise Pascal

It was so stupid of me to even bother trying that.
Ack.
When will I learn?

Getting to be so tired.
Ack.
Sleepy.

Deadlands, Deadlands, Deadlands, Deadlands...woo!

Deadlands, Deadlands, Deadlands, Deadlands...woo!

Deadlands, Deadlands, Deadlands, Deadlands...woo!

Deadlands, Deadlands, Deadlands, Deadlands...woo!

So much need...so much hurt...where can the healing come from?
Why must you feel so far away?
How can...in what manner may I serve?
To bring the chance for hope and peace for these?

Too many thoughts and too little means of dissimulation...

Fifteen hours of sleep later I am feeling a touch better.

Quote of the Day:

"Christianity is strange: it requires human beings to recognize that they are vile and even abominable, and requires them to want to be like God. Without such a counterweight this elevation would make them execrably vain, or this abasement execrably despicable."
-Blaise Pascal

...

"Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow
Yet I will fear no evil
I have cursed they rod and staff
They no longer comfort me
Love rescue me

I've conquered my past
The future is here at last
I stand at the entrance
To a new world I can see
The ruins to the right of me
Will soon have lost sight of me
Love rescue me"

"Love Rescue Me" - U2

Maybe one day this side of eternity I won't hurt so badly.

How much of this is sincerity and how much preconditioned rambling nonsense I am spouting like a parrot speaking of Homer?

Where is this salvation I claim?
At what point does sincerity overcome my selfishness?

"Despite our selfish selves,
despite all loss of hope,
despite our lack of faith,
despite our stony hearts,
despite the waning moon,
despite the ebbing tide of how we think this world should be.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow,
praise Him all creatures here below,
praise Him above ye heavenly host,
praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Gray rainy day, down in the mud for us.
Don't feel I can sing,
songs to the God in control of the seasons.
But what's good and bad,
flow from the hands,
of the God with the perfect plan.
Filling us with joy, all of this will glorify."

Hope is something I must fight for in order for it to endure.
My faith is so weak...the smallest pain and change in my plan makes me loose courage and seek to find pity and some means of diverting myself from this life.

Quote of the Day:

"Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining."
— Anne Lamott

So many thoughts for so late an hour...so many considerations and so many things.
God...why do I dig holes like this?
I feel...I feel...
The things...the thoughts...the...every...thing...

My soul is rather sad. =/

I...I'm missing...something...