Friday, December 25, 2009
Isaiah 53
Who believes what we've heard and seen? Who would have thought God's saving power would look like this?
The servant grew up before God—a scrawny seedling,
a scrubby plant in a parched field.
There was nothing attractive about him,
nothing to cause us to take a second look.
He was looked down on and passed over,
a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand.
One look at him and people turned away.
We looked down on him, thought he was scum.
But the fact is, it was our pains he carried—
our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.
We thought he brought it on himself,
that God was punishing him for his own failures.
But it was our sins that did that to him,
that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!
He took the punishment, and that made us whole.
Through his bruises we get healed.
We're all like sheep who've wandered off and gotten lost.
We've all done our own thing, gone our own way.
And God has piled all our sins, everything we've done wrong,
on him, on him.
He was beaten, he was tortured,
but he didn't say a word.
Like a lamb taken to be slaughtered
and like a sheep being sheared,
he took it all in silence.
Justice miscarried, and he was led off—
and did anyone really know what was happening?
He died without a thought for his own welfare,
beaten bloody for the sins of my people.
They buried him with the wicked,
threw him in a grave with a rich man,
Even though he'd never hurt a soul
or said one word that wasn't true.
Still, it's what God had in mind all along,
to crush him with pain.
The plan was that he give himself as an offering for sin
so that he'd see life come from it—life, life, and more life.
And God's plan will deeply prosper through him.
Out of that terrible travail of soul,
he'll see that it's worth it and be glad he did it.
Through what he experienced, my righteous one, my servant,
will make many "righteous ones,"
as he himself carries the burden of their sins.
Therefore I'll reward him extravagantly—
the best of everything, the highest honors—
Because he looked death in the face and didn't flinch,
because he embraced the company of the lowest.
He took on his own shoulders the sin of the many,
he took up the cause of all the black sheep.
The servant grew up before God—a scrawny seedling,
a scrubby plant in a parched field.
There was nothing attractive about him,
nothing to cause us to take a second look.
He was looked down on and passed over,
a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand.
One look at him and people turned away.
We looked down on him, thought he was scum.
But the fact is, it was our pains he carried—
our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.
We thought he brought it on himself,
that God was punishing him for his own failures.
But it was our sins that did that to him,
that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!
He took the punishment, and that made us whole.
Through his bruises we get healed.
We're all like sheep who've wandered off and gotten lost.
We've all done our own thing, gone our own way.
And God has piled all our sins, everything we've done wrong,
on him, on him.
He was beaten, he was tortured,
but he didn't say a word.
Like a lamb taken to be slaughtered
and like a sheep being sheared,
he took it all in silence.
Justice miscarried, and he was led off—
and did anyone really know what was happening?
He died without a thought for his own welfare,
beaten bloody for the sins of my people.
They buried him with the wicked,
threw him in a grave with a rich man,
Even though he'd never hurt a soul
or said one word that wasn't true.
Still, it's what God had in mind all along,
to crush him with pain.
The plan was that he give himself as an offering for sin
so that he'd see life come from it—life, life, and more life.
And God's plan will deeply prosper through him.
Out of that terrible travail of soul,
he'll see that it's worth it and be glad he did it.
Through what he experienced, my righteous one, my servant,
will make many "righteous ones,"
as he himself carries the burden of their sins.
Therefore I'll reward him extravagantly—
the best of everything, the highest honors—
Because he looked death in the face and didn't flinch,
because he embraced the company of the lowest.
He took on his own shoulders the sin of the many,
he took up the cause of all the black sheep.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Grace Lying in the Snow
Grace.
Living in broken world it feels like a cheap phrase.
It feels like I'm holding a mirror just to have selective vision.
It is the glue holding things together even when I've checked out.
Every word I speak can be proven false
as I hold tight and hope against hope
that every ounce of this is true.
Either the cross is everything or nothing
and my only hope is on this Nazarene.
Outcast and despised, a man of sorrows
who walked this path before me.
I speak of beauty but have never seen it,
I write of hope but have never felt it.
Every last expression of this soul
is lost in this empty religious display.
There is nothing in the manger right now
just as there is nothing in the tomb.
It is a poor man's show
and than we get it put on display
on the street corner
where everyone can see it.
The badge on my sleeve
and the cross around my throat
as I fumble for words
that will never come.
You ask for answers I cannot give,
for my soul is poised to beg in shame
as my mind is but the cornerstone
of this foolish pride.
I have nothing to give.
The only hope I have seen
remains diligently unseen
and the love I have flows
from the heart of the One holding this all.
Trite and vain,
meaningless I have tried
and all I can give are these hands
along with this shaking voice.
It's Christmas time
and Jesus I just wish we could stop the pain.
I'm sick of the fighting, the addictions
and beating ourselves into the ground.
The destitute hungry along with outcast dying of disease,
did you watch me past by the starving beggar
or the prostitute offering tricks for drugs?
Jesus did you see the pride in my heart
as I justify judging
as though Nietzsche was right and You died
just so I can be king?
The Truth is only You
and still I am looking and searching
hoping to find a way to validate my pride.
Words keep sticking in my throat
and I say I do not know
because the Truth terrifies me.
This time of year brings me so much terror
because it faces me to look into history
and see how true truth really is.
You will be You,
eternally now.
The more people try to persuade me otherwise
Your Love is all I can see.
The fire of my doubts will not cease
until I feel the arms of eternity around me
and the nail scarred hands wipe away my tears.
The fear in my soul
and the sin that is a disease
will one day be no more
and I will be freed to love
and love only like one touched by eternity can.
Living in broken world it feels like a cheap phrase.
It feels like I'm holding a mirror just to have selective vision.
It is the glue holding things together even when I've checked out.
Every word I speak can be proven false
as I hold tight and hope against hope
that every ounce of this is true.
Either the cross is everything or nothing
and my only hope is on this Nazarene.
Outcast and despised, a man of sorrows
who walked this path before me.
I speak of beauty but have never seen it,
I write of hope but have never felt it.
Every last expression of this soul
is lost in this empty religious display.
There is nothing in the manger right now
just as there is nothing in the tomb.
It is a poor man's show
and than we get it put on display
on the street corner
where everyone can see it.
The badge on my sleeve
and the cross around my throat
as I fumble for words
that will never come.
You ask for answers I cannot give,
for my soul is poised to beg in shame
as my mind is but the cornerstone
of this foolish pride.
I have nothing to give.
The only hope I have seen
remains diligently unseen
and the love I have flows
from the heart of the One holding this all.
Trite and vain,
meaningless I have tried
and all I can give are these hands
along with this shaking voice.
It's Christmas time
and Jesus I just wish we could stop the pain.
I'm sick of the fighting, the addictions
and beating ourselves into the ground.
The destitute hungry along with outcast dying of disease,
did you watch me past by the starving beggar
or the prostitute offering tricks for drugs?
Jesus did you see the pride in my heart
as I justify judging
as though Nietzsche was right and You died
just so I can be king?
The Truth is only You
and still I am looking and searching
hoping to find a way to validate my pride.
Words keep sticking in my throat
and I say I do not know
because the Truth terrifies me.
This time of year brings me so much terror
because it faces me to look into history
and see how true truth really is.
You will be You,
eternally now.
The more people try to persuade me otherwise
Your Love is all I can see.
The fire of my doubts will not cease
until I feel the arms of eternity around me
and the nail scarred hands wipe away my tears.
The fear in my soul
and the sin that is a disease
will one day be no more
and I will be freed to love
and love only like one touched by eternity can.
Some Things of Note:
-I suck at wrapping gifts. I had little money to buy anything but a few books will have to do for now.
-Spike TV has been running a Star Wars marathon, the prequels are so bad they make my soul sad...but at least the original trilogy brings back many happy memories.
-I'm happy that it's Christmas Eve, I feel anticipation and happiness about being able to fit in somewhere and not feel like I'm some sort of perpetual and utterly useless burden.
-Last week I killed the Christmas tree trying to fix the lights. Finally the darn thing is lit back all the way and I'm about to try and rectify the lack of ornaments before dinner tonight.
-I miss a few things about home but I'm glad I'm leaving to go back to school otherwise I have no idea when I would be going back south.
-Brave Saint Saturn's song "Space Robot Five" has become my temporary theme song.
-Spike TV has been running a Star Wars marathon, the prequels are so bad they make my soul sad...but at least the original trilogy brings back many happy memories.
-I'm happy that it's Christmas Eve, I feel anticipation and happiness about being able to fit in somewhere and not feel like I'm some sort of perpetual and utterly useless burden.
-Last week I killed the Christmas tree trying to fix the lights. Finally the darn thing is lit back all the way and I'm about to try and rectify the lack of ornaments before dinner tonight.
-I miss a few things about home but I'm glad I'm leaving to go back to school otherwise I have no idea when I would be going back south.
-Brave Saint Saturn's song "Space Robot Five" has become my temporary theme song.
Quote of the Day:
“All sin has its being and origin in the fact that man wants to be his own judge. And in wanting to be that, and thinking and acting accordingly, he and his whole world is in conflict with God. It is an unreconciled world, and therefore a suffering world, a world given up to destruction.”
-Karl Barth
-Karl Barth
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Quote of the Day:
“I hold a beast, an angel and a madman in me, and my inquiry is as to their working, and my problem is their subjugation and victory, downthrow and upheaval, and my effort is their self-expression.”
-Dylan Thomas
-Dylan Thomas
Bitterly Venom Lies
I'm sorry but I must say no.
I refuse to compromise my soul
and give free reign
with the power of control
to the likes of you.
Love is merely a currency
in your vernacular
and every form of your kindness
is just another Hellish smile.
Take the knives out of their backs
and feel free
to fall on them
and rid the world
of just another lying voice
and join your father,
the one who speaks in serpent tongues.
I refuse to compromise my soul
and give free reign
with the power of control
to the likes of you.
Love is merely a currency
in your vernacular
and every form of your kindness
is just another Hellish smile.
Take the knives out of their backs
and feel free
to fall on them
and rid the world
of just another lying voice
and join your father,
the one who speaks in serpent tongues.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Red Eyes
Redundant thoughts pertaining
and recalling every second here,
freeing in this falling space
as hope in light breaking dark
with every second just passing.
Anger, raw emotion at this breaking point
of no knowing and reinventing my steps
with the pulsing heart beats
and blood dripping from the arteries
into the mind of sin.
Pretty,
falling and flying
mammon and machine
everything you never seen.
Bleeding sentiment
while falling over the trapping
of your eclipsed soul,
food for thought
and devour all you see.
Justice in inaction
with beautiful painted glass ornaments
that mean more
than the living soul
you placed within it.
and recalling every second here,
freeing in this falling space
as hope in light breaking dark
with every second just passing.
Anger, raw emotion at this breaking point
of no knowing and reinventing my steps
with the pulsing heart beats
and blood dripping from the arteries
into the mind of sin.
Pretty,
falling and flying
mammon and machine
everything you never seen.
Bleeding sentiment
while falling over the trapping
of your eclipsed soul,
food for thought
and devour all you see.
Justice in inaction
with beautiful painted glass ornaments
that mean more
than the living soul
you placed within it.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Quote of the Day:
“We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, 'Blessed are they that mourn.'”
-C.S. Lewis quote
-C.S. Lewis quote
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Poor Offerings to the Muse
I've never had
never had enough,
enough of these words
or of hope to share.
Life has taken
much more than it's given
but here you are.
Isolated,
but never truly alone.
Distance is a pale metaphor
for love
and time is never a friend
except when counting the seconds
of being blessed
and the uptake of the burning inspiration
of your Muse whisperings in my ear.
Words can never be enough
to give definition
and figure
to the hope
and the love
and all these words
will never be able to
give justice
or make the beauty have life
until you breath inspiration over it
and realize,
just realize the creative spirit
and brightness you inspire.
Even in the Darkness
there is hope
and more and more Light
because you are there.
Hold on,
the resolution is coming
and even when the curtain falls
the beauty of Love
shall never die.
never had enough,
enough of these words
or of hope to share.
Life has taken
much more than it's given
but here you are.
Isolated,
but never truly alone.
Distance is a pale metaphor
for love
and time is never a friend
except when counting the seconds
of being blessed
and the uptake of the burning inspiration
of your Muse whisperings in my ear.
Words can never be enough
to give definition
and figure
to the hope
and the love
and all these words
will never be able to
give justice
or make the beauty have life
until you breath inspiration over it
and realize,
just realize the creative spirit
and brightness you inspire.
Even in the Darkness
there is hope
and more and more Light
because you are there.
Hold on,
the resolution is coming
and even when the curtain falls
the beauty of Love
shall never die.
Quote of the Day:
“Hope has two beautiful daughters. Their names are anger and courage; anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they do not remain the way they are.”
-Augustine of Hippo
-Augustine of Hippo
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Just one of those days spent waiting...
There are not words enough to voice my thoughts...to give justice to the multitude of questions, doubts, fears, hope, needs and shallow love I have to express to You, Lover of the Soul.
Everything I have hoped for...has it been in vain?
It feels so much that everything I have wanted has been the wrong thing, much less the wrong thing at the wrong time.
I'm a child who has lost his way and can't figure out my left hand from my right.
Why in the name of God would You want to trust me with taking the Gospel anywhere? I can't find my voice, I am so scared too...my shallow heart wants to have everyone love me and I am terrified of being hated.
I'm so sick from not feeling You my Love, I'm so sick and I need You more than I need anything in this life, in this world...everything is a cancer eating at me...I loose my sight and I cannot see...I cannot feel and I just feel like I am making a religious display that should just be burned away.
I need Truth, ergo I need You.
Nothing else, nothing else matters.
I will traverse this wasteland alone if it will please You.
I just...need You, can You understand that?
Need, desperate need where I ache so desperately for You.
Every relationship I have with people is going to die, everything I have ever loved is going to fade...and then what?
I feel like my soul is just full of garbage and lies...do I have anything beyond the base elements? Anything that is more substantial than...'maybe'? I have to equate love and faith as different sides of the same coin...I can't see either and I barely feel them in this cold night...
Paradox?
Is that what it boils down to...unreconciled contradictions that cause my heart and soul to endlessly ache?
The pain isn't in the emptiness...but that things have yet to be fulfilled...there is the hope and longing want that maybe...just maybe...this side of Eternity there will be...things might...just...
Jesus, You know how to make the word 'maybe' into such a loaded noun.
I'm not the kind of person who is okay not asking questions...if I didn't voice my doubt and fear...what shreds of sanity I have left would have jumped ship years ago...like it almost did back in college.
What now?
What next?
The more I read and the more I try to know...the less I understand and the less I know...give and take?
Just...help this, help me become something beautiful...
Everything I have hoped for...has it been in vain?
It feels so much that everything I have wanted has been the wrong thing, much less the wrong thing at the wrong time.
I'm a child who has lost his way and can't figure out my left hand from my right.
Why in the name of God would You want to trust me with taking the Gospel anywhere? I can't find my voice, I am so scared too...my shallow heart wants to have everyone love me and I am terrified of being hated.
I'm so sick from not feeling You my Love, I'm so sick and I need You more than I need anything in this life, in this world...everything is a cancer eating at me...I loose my sight and I cannot see...I cannot feel and I just feel like I am making a religious display that should just be burned away.
I need Truth, ergo I need You.
Nothing else, nothing else matters.
I will traverse this wasteland alone if it will please You.
I just...need You, can You understand that?
Need, desperate need where I ache so desperately for You.
Every relationship I have with people is going to die, everything I have ever loved is going to fade...and then what?
I feel like my soul is just full of garbage and lies...do I have anything beyond the base elements? Anything that is more substantial than...'maybe'? I have to equate love and faith as different sides of the same coin...I can't see either and I barely feel them in this cold night...
Paradox?
Is that what it boils down to...unreconciled contradictions that cause my heart and soul to endlessly ache?
The pain isn't in the emptiness...but that things have yet to be fulfilled...there is the hope and longing want that maybe...just maybe...this side of Eternity there will be...things might...just...
Jesus, You know how to make the word 'maybe' into such a loaded noun.
I'm not the kind of person who is okay not asking questions...if I didn't voice my doubt and fear...what shreds of sanity I have left would have jumped ship years ago...like it almost did back in college.
What now?
What next?
The more I read and the more I try to know...the less I understand and the less I know...give and take?
Just...help this, help me become something beautiful...
Quote of the Day:
"A fire broke out backstage in a theater. The clown came out to warn the public; they thought it was a joke and applauded. He repeated it; the acclaim was even greater. I think that's just how the world will come to an end: to the general applause of wits who believe it's a joke."
-Soren Kierkegaard
-Soren Kierkegaard
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