"The world is full of ones like me, who need to see the truth
But the truth is never truth indeed, the truth is only you
The world will soon become extinct, the age will pass away
And all will know that you are God, hallowed be your name "

Future...Inklings?

Okay...seriously...this new development about the internship...if this is just a jest then you know how upset I will be.

"and when the trumpets call us home and i am no longer bedded by pain
our tears will be forever dried for the author of life knows my name
so we trample the hoards of the pointless and blank
we will die for the truth in our hearts
no force that exists will steal us from his hands
nothing will tear us apart

though the mirror is dull, the reflection obscured we look beyond the obtuse
and the world weighs down, beating us to the ground
but her efforts are of little use
the annointed one has purchased our souls death is battered and lifeless before me
the truth rains down for the children of Christ and the truth has set us free
and through it all we rise when we fall
though the road grows more narrow before me
though we ache though we cry never break, never die
the one truth there is sets us free"


...I just don't have words to express my exuberant and obsessive love for You...You make EVERYTHING...so pale...so seemingly pointless by comparison...help me out here...please...please...

Show me this step to take and I will take it.

Regardless of the pain or what I have to give up.

Nothing is too much if is what You want and will bring glory to You.

Teach me patience and humility through my pain...make me who You know I can be...just be with me, let our spirits entwine and be One...once again...

Musing About a Muse

Every time I see information about xxxchurch...I'm reminded of not getting the internship...but I'm also reminded of a quote from Morpheus:

"What happened, happened and could not have happened any other way."

It may not be literal life and death...but pursuing the truth...finding where I am going...should go and what should I do...vastly important...

Truth...truth...there is something about that word that gives chills to me...truth, finding where this is and where it is all leading...what this will all mean...eventually from the view of eternity.

What do you think?
I hope to bump into your words a bit more...finding truth and hope...finding certainty and love.

I feel like I fell down a flight of stairs...a good bit of pain...but I still miss you more than this and that.

Hello.

Goodbye.

I hate saying goodbye...still haven't got it all through my head that it, that the virtual mechanics are dead...that the world has just dissipated into digital code...

I have dreamed a dream and that dream is now gone from me...

Love...such a funny hypochondriac filled word.

Argh!


Stuff!


Explosion!


I missed the Assassin dying again in MXO. On top of other dramas.

Drama.

Blergh.

I HATE Itunes.

Die Apple die.

My love life is masochistic...even in my dreams...

"Comfortably Numb" - Pink Floyd

Phasing in and out of existence at this point...

Jonah 3:3

"This time Jonah started off straight for Nineveh, obeying God's orders to the letter."


How is this one verse...becoming so important...so quickly?

"It’s not if I believe in love
But if love believes in me
Oh, believe in me

At the moment of surrender
I folded to my knees
I did not notice the passers-by
And they did not notice me."

It's stupid to miss you as much as I might...but I do...I do...

Hearing from beyond the sea walls?

Or too pretentious...

Escape...and why?
Why not?

Oh...

Dreams...no.

No.

No.

Not more.

Not again.

Go away.

Far, far away.

Is it too much to ask for freedom from this weight...this pain?

"Out of Control" - U2

...I can't believe I forgot to post this year's birthday song...

It's A Wonder Why...

The music...keeps drawing memories out...siphoning out thoughts...taking form only in dreams...strange disheartening visions, more nightmares than escapist fair.

Where is this going?
Why are you still here?
Why must you, damnable specter of the past, haunt me still?
Did you not do enough damage in the first act of my life?
Must you haunt these grounds still tonight?

Such a lofty moniker you still wish to claim.
Father?
I think not.
Biological consequence alone does not equip one for such a task.
I keep getting told to write to you...consider this a first entry.
Not much to say because the task is rather...large.
But then again...here we are.
It's a wonder why, it's a curiosity...

I want to see through the looking glass, so desperately. I want to see beyond it but the damn thing is fogging up with my breath and I see nothing but pale shadows creeping closer behind me.

I'm feeling quite...uncomfortably numb...

I hate logging into MXO.

It's just so...empty.

*sigh*

I feel like I crashed into a metaphorical wall which also happened to be made of real bricks.

While Wilco was playing in the background too.

More Jonah Notes:

Jonah 2:1-10

Prayer of Jonah while inside the big fish. Contrast with Jesus' prayer in the garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:31-46 Mark 14:32-42, Luke 22:39-53, John 17:1-26)

Content of prayer similar to Psalm 40


Jonah 3:1-10
v.1-2 The second time God spoke. Apparently the fish was a subtle hint to Jonah. Exact same commands, exact same words dictating Jonah to go to Nineveh.

-What levels of irony exist that the 'fish' would be a symbol of early Christians? Drawn in the dirt for believers to see and know things were safe?

v.3- Jonah obeyed to the letter...Nineveh was big enough to take three days to travel...how many miles would that be?

v.4 - Jonah's message was simple and just proclaimed destruction. There was no exhortation to repent, no salvation message...no acknowledgment that there would even be a means to avoid the destruction. It was pure fire and brimstone.

v.5 - A city wide fast was held, people believed that God cared, cared about them and wanting repentance

Jonah 4:1-11