Ecclesiastes 8

"...Those who are wise will find a time and a way to do what is right, for there is a time and a way for everything, even when a person is in trouble."
-Ecclesiastes 8:5-6

There is something utterly remarkable to me in this passage.
It seems there is no excuse for evil, no excuse for choosing the lesser part, no excuse for selling out...even when everything is on the line and death is the asking price for faithfulness.

Sure there is grace.
But there is also having to live with the stupid decisions we are all prone to making.

Seemingly the best thing one can do is prepare for the worse.

And the last part of verse eight from this chapter:
"There is no escaping that obligation, that dark battle. And in the face of death, wickedness will certainly not rescue the wicked."

There is the survival instinct in us that drives us on, making us choose to live when seemingly there should be no drive...but more than that, is the change...the grace that means leaving our animalistic tendencies behind for something more.

Why live?
Why choose to go on when the easy way is to quit?

More than love, more than need...there is something that has to stir, that has to breakthrough to make someone...well me...choose to live when the easiest thing is to give into despair and quit.

It's not something from anyone or anything.
It's a personal battle that goes from artistic endeavors to choosing to ignore the voice that screams at me how imperfect, disgusting and worthless I am...to choosing to look my impending doom square on and laugh...because of how pointless the fear has become.

I may die before finishing this statement.
Or before my next class.
Or before your next breath.

But here I am, alive.
Confusing and ever so meaningful because to live is to shape and create purpose with every waking moment, every step...ever sense of be and being.

It's a choice.
Always, always, always a choice...obedience or rebellion, life or death...servitude or freedom.

It's not everyday you get to choose which path to walk...and sometimes the choice to rebel against life...this world...this culture and die in freedom is better than to live shackled to this sinking ship of ego and self.