Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Isolation in the Sick Ward

Assuming my brain doesn't actually explode and I'm stuck with all this crap to take care of...which I don't know how to do, or what to do...

Panic.
What am I supposed to do?

Careers.
Marriage.
Families.

And I lay here crying because of how bad this migraine and the fibromyalgia hurts.
I read and see about genocide, war, homelessness. starvation, disease...so much screwed up in this world...I want to, I need to do something but don't know where to start.

So I feel guilt for the things I can't do and self hate for being so sick and unable to do everything.

This is almost as bad as China was...except without some of the more...'fun' bits...

I'm a world away from all the expectations and feel like I'm just going to keep falling down this hole.

It matters.
I matter.
Trying matters.
I just...pray and hope I till can stand.

I have all the answers.
And now I have nothing.
Nothing except the dark and my fragile ego and fears.

No comments: