Psalm 53

"Only fools say in their hearts,
“There is no God.”
They are corrupt, and their actions are evil;
not one of them does good!"
-Psalm 53:1

I have been this fool.
In just denying with how I love...how empty...how useless and pointless how I convey love.

It is the systematic breakdown of my cheap imitation of faithfulness.

I want to do good...but I never desire it...I want to desire hope...love...charity...goodwill...peace...compassion...love...love...love...

But my heart is wracked with all of these doubts and ill things.
Father...I'm sick...oh so sick.
I need You to heal me...to make me right again.

This...none of this...is right.

Help me start...anew.

Please.

With the people I have hurt...offended and pushed further from Your Love...please forgive me, help me to forgive myself and rededicate myself to living not to please them...or myself...but to simply receive and convey this infinitely beautiful love that is my drug, my oxygen...everything I need and want so badly.