Bleeding Heart, Bleeding soul.

Lies, I want to scream.
Poison, I want to cut out.
Every thought racing through this mind,
every moment of existing beside you
is making me loose
every part of me
that I ever held onto
and every second burns my soul
as I wait in silence
to hear another denial
and pleasantly formed no.

I would have rather,
I would have rather
just had my heart
ripped out.
I would have rather
just had my soul
had this soul
nullified.
I would,
I would have rather
just had every last part of me
just washed away in these flames
then ever spend another wasted second
just pouring myself into useless cycles
of repetitious pain.

Bleeding myself into sin
just for what feels like your delight
as I spin myself into another lie
and twist and turn in a panic
because I realize
I realize and I know
how lost I am.
I got lost in believing you
and trusting in something never true.
The worse thing I can ever know
is how ultimately
it's all my fault,
everything false
and everything truly true,
it all my fault.

I'm a narcissist
so don't worry,
I'll take the blame
and baptize myself in guilt
and a bit more loathing
as I hold the door
and bid thee to walk quick
as I hold back spite
and take a deep draft
of how utterly useless
all in all this all is.

Rejoice, the day is coming.
Love beyond love
and this cynical heart of mine
will melt in the Light
and this,
even this forsaking bastard child,
this faithless Son of Adam
will be found and held.
At any point I could walk out into eternity
and find contentment.
But I hold myself back and embrace the pain
because it is my identity.

Do you see?
Do you feel?

Good night,
good bye
farewell
and
farewell.