I wish I would stop missing my grandmother.
The past is the past.
Why can I not let things go and just forget it already?
This...see this is what I'm talking about.
Ignoring, forgetting everything...it'll create a personal Hell.
But being numb in a personal Hell beats being vividly alive in one...and having every new day pour gasoline on the flames with new complications and new problems.

Why can't things just go back to being simple?
I haven't aged.
The very notion of me even considering being a father is mere madness.
I would be a unspeakably horribly person to actually want someone else to go through anything like what I'm going through right now.

Delusions, mad delusions.