I think it's possible expectation is my biggest enemy and why my mind is so freaking over the place.

What would honestly happen if I just eliminated all expectation?
Is that such a horrible thing?

Both negative and positive.
And just accepted things 'as is'?

God I wish this would have clicked in my head years ago...I don't know how to go about breaking the ingrained sentiments I have...but God that would help...no expectations from friends, family, love, Jesus...anything.

That almost sounds like a healthy alternative to just investing in pure apathy.