Good Morning

A second wind is blowing through me...passing by my thoughts, my ever lacking esteem and you know...it's nice to know I'm not alone.

It may rain, it may be sun filled day...I'm not sure...but the sky is filled with light even at this dark hour...the angels are singing their peace around the throne and...I feel things that I haven't in a while...curiosity, hopeful anticipation...something mixed, something old, something new and many unexpected things flowing through my mind at so late of an hour.

As much as I would like to pinpoint a few things...a theme mayhaps...it's lacking for sure.

I'm not even sure what I am trying to say...I want to sing, I want to dance in freedom...I feel more alive in this exhausted, spent and medicated stupor then I have since I can last remember (which is about two weeks give or take) and...and...what does it mean?

A challenge...some shaping of the soul perhaps...refinement by processing and thinking deeper...analyzing and pulling from my books and trying to understand that which I have avoided...

This is not making sense to me.

I'm not sure about where I wanted to go when I finished Mobile...I mean...I was told where to go but I think I backed out because of fear...and I ended up hear sick...I don't know if it's normal for those with chronic pain...but I haven't even really thought about...being alive in the year 2010...or living to hit twenty-five or thirty or whatever....

I don't know...tell me...does that sound morbid?

I'm ready to start trying to live again...I feel some sort of energy, some sort of...ability to smile even though it hurts to smile...

But it's still good...is this making sense yet?

I don't think it is...but that is okay.

I'm sort of used to being so...scattered...and it's not that I have someone special other than You...I'm trying to impress...I just...wish I could give better meaning, better words, somehow give You what You have deserved for all these years.

I love You.

You knew this before matter was matter, before I had oxygen to breath and before I cried my first time...You knew the scars that I would carry and my odd way of walking...did you plan for me to look so goofy with my hair not being cut? I mean...You love me...don't You?

I feel...intoxicated...with how...vivid You feel...
Who...or what even...I'm speechless.
I cannot begin to give meaning to my words...You know what I've been trying to say while I go on and on...maybe I'll shush before I just loose the meaning all together.




"It won't break my heart to say goodbye..."