I will be honest, I really am starting to have a lot of disdain for emotions, feelings and all of that. Sure life would be a bit boring but it would be so less painful. That is quite selfish I admit, I would rather just eliminate the pain altogether with the good aspects of it.
I hate feeling captives to life, to who I am, what I am, where I am, where I am going, where I am not going. Life feels like a series of quite annoying circles that do not know how to adjust in the proper ways.
Attraction, love, emotion, feeling, sexuality, lust, love, adoration...all of them are just headaches. I wish I could just be purged of these addictive pains and just have it all washed away.
I start to wonder if what we view as all of these emotions and thoughts are nothing more then corrupt versions of what they should be, you have the whole idealistic view of love that i once had. But bottom line I would much prefer to be free from it all.
I do not like feeling that I am out of control, that I am bound by a bunch of madding chemicals, it also feels like I am one of the few people that want to question this, be upset by it or in general possibly develop a negative disposition towards it.
Did I mention being tired of the metaphorical prison and the desire to run free and find a deeper understanding?
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