Being Human

Sometimes I loathe being human.
Yes.
This is directed to You.

Why these emotions?
Feelings?
Desires?
Wants?
Needs?
Longings?

Why do I miss something?
Why do I miss someone that will never reply to me again no matter how hard I try to get in touch with her?

I don't know where lines are.
Or maybe I do not care.
This may be Your mercy.
Keeping me from digging holes deeper than I can ever hope to get out of.

But the sheer frustrating.
The ache of my soul.
The absence.
The pain.

It's not just one person.
It's being.
Being.

I know, I feel in my bones there is reason.
That even when the shroud separating this world from the next is torn down, like on that Friday, things will be made whole.
Healing.

But until then.
This mountain.
Then the next.
Until I reach the place You want.
A second coming.
Or my death.
Whichever comes first.

I trust this isn't just some parade of fools.
But I cannot carry this heavy heart alone.

Psalms 134

"Praise the Lord, all you servants of the Lord
who minister by night in the house of the Lord."
-Psalm 134:1

Yahweh, Abba, Daddy, Father, Lover...oh I need You.
This night is so dark, the pain is so vivid and driving me crazy.
Please help me.
Please.

Light my way.
Help me to see.
Not to be obsessed with myself or others but to show love, grace and compassion no matter my walk in life, no matter where I go or what I see and do.
Please help me to learn to be responsible.
Thank You Daddy.
I need You.

Faith Stranger Than Fiction

Waves beat across the shore,
birds are crying
and we're holding back tears.
Seeing your dreams dashed to pieces
sending this mournful aching
through my chest,
hearts filled with this fear.

Messiah born in Bethlehem,
wearing thorns
and splinters in Your skin,
this blood You spilled
with all my sins that you bore,
what foolishness is this?
In all of this,
my shame is all I have,
this life profane
and this is how grace will begin?

This foolishness saving my life
burning in my soul,
a fire to my bones
as I lay in wait,
on this shore of broken dreams
naught that I can own,
just this regret
and a scream,
a need to be redeemed.