Platitude Place-Cards

I'm much too tired for this.
I am too weak...too weary for carrying this cross...

This burden is my ego, my self and my pride...it crushes me as I try to stay afloat.

Little Lamb, what did I do with the light yoke you offered me in exchange?
Did I really cast it aside for this traveling circus from Hell?

I'm crushed.
Everything is fleeting...falling...

The beaten, torn and blackened heart under my chest is pulling me to sin, getting me to drink this bitterness as everything burns around me.

I'm tired.
So weak.
So weary.

Jesus Christ I need You, not a feeling or a cliche.
But the Lover who takes pack such an unfaithful whore.
A Father who takes back His bastard son.

Such infinite worth and I treat it like a plaything.
Beauty, such beauty that is a horror to feel.
Dread hope.
That I am never alone.

Teach me to be faithful.
Rip everything else away.
Put me in my place.
Rip this pride from me.
I can do nothing.

Humble me.
I'm sorry for being such an ignorant, arrogant and apathetic child...

How can You have love for such as I?
Oh Lamb...Son of God...remember me...please pull me out of this maze...this muck.
Do not tarry...but rush to my side...

Lift me from the misery I lusted after and wanted to find...I need You...oh so desperately.

"Jesus is For Losers" - Steve Taylor

Parsing Out Life

Bitter apathy plays across your lips
while these angels cry red tears,
hoping you find relief apart from bitterness.

I can hold the mirror
but you have to look,
pain and fear
aren't the best vestments to wear
when you are handing out blessings.

Smile in the pain
while the night if falling
and we know the end is coming.
Even if Hell comes,
Heaven can be in the smallest spaces
if you just look.

No matter how wonderful or beautiful the future promises to be...change is terrifying. I would almost rather remain in utter misery, just right here, than face change of any sort...

But...maybe...just this once...

Man.
I'm a sinner...I'm dirty and worthless to God as I am.

But...it's grace that saves and redeems...I hope I don't sink too far before I give up and quit...so I might begin to live...

Quote of the Day:

"You knew one thing about a man who was carrying a cross out of the city... you knew he wasn't coming back."
-A.W. Tozer

I need inspiration oh I need it for writing right now...

Why does it seem like every time I try to go to church I get ridiculously sick?
I'm tired of migraines and being nauseated.
Was there really a point in my life where I wasn't nauseated every day?
Where almost every bit of food I ate made me feel like death?

Is this punishment?
For being so judgmental and not showing love?
Is this the price I have to pay for hurting people and pushing them from the cross?
If so...I am worthy of so much worse than this.


The future is wide open an that scares me...the possibilities make me feel the shame because I feel like it's doing nothing but revealing how shallow my faith is...


It seems like every time I feel I have something figured out...doubt, fear, pain all just creep up. My heart bleeds with this regret...and I just want...to be faithful.

That's all I ask.
All I want anymore.
With my living and dying breath I just want to be faith to You.
Nothing else matters.
Everything is fleeting.
Rip me from this comfort.
Love me, faithless wretch that I am.


"Just as you are
Just a wretch like me
Jesus is for losers
Grace from the blood of a tree

Just as we are
At a total loss
Jesus is for losers
Broken at the foot of the cross

Just as I am
Pass the compass, please
Jesus is for losers
I'm off about a hundred degrees

Just as I am
In a desert crawl
Lord, I'm so thirsty
Take me to the waterfall"

Ouch.
Migraine.
Soul disturbance too.
Hmm...

Things are so strange and wonderful...so strange...so surreal and beyond my comprehension.

Even the silence has its own silver lining to a degree...

I'm tired and full of my normal aches but there is a peace that I pray is from the Father and not just my own delusions.

Peace, hope and love...oh please more of all...please.

I had a bizarre dream where I was given a list of people to pray for by Rich Mullins. Most of the people on the list I have never met before...but I have been praying for them.

I have no idea what is going on in my tired and sick mind/soul/heart right now...

Wow my body hurts...but my soul...I think I feel something...maybe it is the peace of letting go?

I am considering lodging a Jobian complaint to God over my health problems as of late...but the last thing I want is an irritated Lord showing up on my doorstep making an account of where I was when He was speaking creation into being.

A Few Thoughts on That Whole National Day of Prayer Thing

Before writing this out I considered a few other names for this article:

"The Oxymoron of Government Endorsed Prayer"
"Why Won't People Let this Die Along with the School Prayer Movement?"

And my personal favorite:

"'Why? Why? Why?' Matthew Asks While Hitting His Head on his Desk"


The past couple of weeks I have seen emails, posts, rants and the like crying out against President Obama for having supposedly canceled the national day of prayer. Spending five seconds on Google I confirmed my suspicions...once again well meaning Christians were passing on false information just because they needed another reason to hate the president.

For those who care to read here is a news article about the National Day of Prayer being ruled unconstitutional and how President Obama is planning on recognizing it all the same:

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20002706-503544.html


As a person who studies theology, history and historical theology I was happy to read that the whole National Day of Prayer was ruled unconstitutional. Anytime religion and the government start to get overly friendly and walk hand in hand I see red flags and hear alarms going off in my head.

The very law that allows every person to freely choose whether or not they will pray to whatever deity they wish is the same one that needs to keep itself from being tainted by picking sides. Even just a casual reading of history will show that anytime a government started to champion a religion they did so for political reasons and not because of some sort of spiritual change of heart or conviction.

Ultimately politics is a power game and President Obama would be committing political suicide if he did speak out against the National Day of Prayer. Most politicians never stray too far in extremes because to do so would mean they will alienate and anger more people, it's all a delicate balancing act.

Which to be honest why I hate politics and politicians...there is not much room for conviction and following through on your beliefs, especially for something as radical as Christianity. A government would not function if they took the words of Christ from the Sermon on the Mount and applied them, which if I understand correctly is the point.

The Kingdom that Christ is concerned about has nothing to do with votes, doesn't care about taxes, wants nothing to do with games and is the first to resist violence and striking back. Just to give some context about what Jesus preached:

-"Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy." (Matthew 5:7)
-"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God." (Matthew 5:9)
-"You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment." (Matthew 5:21-22)
-"You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also." (5:38-39)
-"And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you." (5:40-42)
-"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matthew 5:43)

These are not polite suggestions from a shy Jesus with no sense of conviction or backbone. These teachings are the fire from the heart of the Messiah who took on the cross of pain and bought salvation for the church with his blood. Where does a government fit into these awkward and outrageous demands of this Rabbi?

Let's be realistic, if a person needs a government sanctioned day in which they might consider taking five seconds to pray then odds are these things really do not matter to them in the first place. Prayer, from the Christian perspective, is this incredibly intimate conversation that is a paradox. It is hearing and being changed by this infinite yet somehow personal One that chooses to bridge this gulf by coming to us. The true absurdity of Christianity is how a perfect God is in love with an impossibly broken people.

How does something as shallow and temporal as human government even attempt to fit into this? Ultimately I just see this as being yet another tool used to motivate people in how they vote, it has absolutely nothing to do with the condition of their hearts or souls.

True compassion and conviction cannot be brought out by any sort of government or political party. It doesn't matter what group someone wants to give their time and money to...Republican, Democrat, Conservatives, Liberals or whatever else...they are all just fleeting aspects of a system that will crumble in the long run.

If Christians want to actually be effective it might help if we would drop the picket signs and go serve and help the homeless, the sick, the dying and actually be Jesus for once.



"And when you come before God, don't turn that into a theatrical production either. All these people making a regular show out of their prayers, hoping for stardom! Do you think God sits in a box seat?

"Here's what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace.

"The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They're full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from God. Don't fall for that nonsense. This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need."
-Matthew 6:5-8



"He told his next story to some who were complacently pleased with themselves over their moral performance and looked down their noses at the common people: "Two men went up to the Temple to pray, one a Pharisee, the other a tax man. The Pharisee posed and prayed like this: 'Oh, God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, crooks, adulterers, or, heaven forbid, like this tax man. I fast twice a week and tithe on all my income.'

"Meanwhile the tax man, slumped in the shadows, his face in his hands, not daring to look up, said, 'God, give mercy. Forgive me, a sinner.'"

Jesus commented, "This tax man, not the other, went home made right with God. If you walk around with your nose in the air, you're going to end up flat on your face, but if you're content to be simply yourself, you will become more than yourself.""
-Luke 18:9-14

Seems there is nothing new underneath that sun...

Why?
Why?
Why?

Please...stop the nightmares...please.

"But what wisdom is there within us
To live based on the feeling of our hearts
How many times has instinct let us down
Never to be thought through
Never to be questioned
Say what you really mean
When your ambition calls you
For what use is there in praying
If you will only hear what you want to hear?"

Happiness is...

...is what?
This fleeting feeling?
Fluttering feathers free falling?
Perpetual masquerading masks?

Such antiquated beauty
with no peculiar flavor.

I am not certain I know happiness.
Nor will know it as long as I might think.
The happiest I can be
is being enraptured in the second
so as to engage my soul
and not let it wander into the shadows.

I am told to relax.
Forget and indulge.
But...I am me.
Is this not enough?
Why must such things be said
when they only hurt?



I will not know it when it comes.
Nor see it as it leaves.
But as the door closes
and I sit here in pain
I might rejoice that
the visage of the Muse
staid by reality
and that we may only meet
only under the cover
of moonlight
as we stroll down the lanes of our souls.

This is truth enough
that pain will exist
until the earth is ripped asunder
and placed back right.

This is truth enough
that love will never die
but oh will it be delayed
until the dying moment
and I take my last breath.


Perpetual thoughts
just falling from your sky
in shades of gray
and falling on your plans,
what more can you want from life?

Breath.
Live.
Hunger.
Search.
Desire.
Despair.
Hope.
Death.
Resurrection.

Joy in the fleeting seconds
between horror and pain,
hope that the dawn will come
and even when it will not
that the death will not be in vain.

Will not.
Is.
Shall never.
Ultima.

Quote of the Day:

“Mistrust the man who finds everything good; the man who finds everything evil; and still more the man who is indifferent to everything”
-Johann Kaspar Lavater

Quote of the Day:

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."
-Leo Tolstoy

Oh so many vivid impossibilities...

"I want Faith Like That
To see the dead rise
or to see You pass by
Oh I, I want Faith Like That
Whatever the cost
I'll suffer the loss, Oh I
I want the Faith That can move any mountain
and send them to the sea
I want the Faith that can break every stronghold
That keeps you, keeps you from me"

I wish I could cast this all away...and feel my soul run free.
Oh be free...truly free for Love.

Quote of the Day:

"Let others complain that the times are wicked. I complain that they are paltry; for they are without passion. The thoughts of men are thin and frail like lace...The thoughts of their hearts are too puny to be sinful. For a worm it might conceivably be regarded a sin to harbor thoughts such as theirs, not for a man who is formed in the image of God."
-Søren Kierkegaard