If my stress levels get much higher I am just going to...well there is nothing I can say.

I will simply just be really, really, really stressed.

*sigh*

Quote of the Day:

“For it is great to surrender one's hope, but greater still to abide by it steadfastly after having surrendered it; for it is great to seize hold of the eternal hope, but greater still to abide steadfastly by one's worldly hopes after having rendered them.”
-Soren Kierkegaard

...did i just wake up?

Quite obviously that was stupid...but what is done is done...it is not like I can find any sort of solace these days anyway.

Poetically Portly Poetry

Dichotomy

Split into partitions we wait,
time making fools of us
just as the sand is passing by
drawing life's breath to abate.

Redundantly the lines cross
falling out of space
just as it is out of time
removing abstracts
and stranding you
with the concrete.

It is the mechanics,
the gears twisting
as the servos click and turn
making this circular madness
into something all too real,
too caustic for emotion
but unavoidable
because of bare flesh.

Wasting away
as only this one can,
just hold out for the night
and pray the resolution
is less a revolution
and just a little something
with more peace,
where the night may end
after the day has passed.
And all that will ever be may be
and the day may pass
into the dark reaches of peace.

Oie...time for a job interview... >_<

Here goes everything and nothing!

Huzzah!

Well esteemed...

Quote of the Day:

"They shall have stars at elbow and foot/ Though they go mad they shall be sane/ Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again/ Though lovers be lost love shall not/ And death shall have no dominion."
-Dylan Thomas

"But what wisdom is there within us
To live based on the feeling of our hearts
How many times has instinct let us down
Never to be thought through
Never to be questioned
Say what you really mean
When your ambition calls you
For what use is there in praying
If you will only hear what you want to hear?"

It is morning.

Yes.

It is.

Being around a group of people...being able to connect...to be a center of attention and make people laugh...almost never do I feel more alive and afterward never do I feel so empty and certain of my own futility and irrelevance.

At least I found out the cafeteria is open until midnight these days and the calzone I ate was flipping awesome.

It is so utterly bizarre to have a study group in my room right now. O_O
There shouldn't be THIS many people here...it is...

...strange.

Yes.

"The sunlight is fading,
the longest shadows have been cast.
Like songs from a siren,
hurricanes from the past.
And I am a failure,
defeated every time,
so let me lie here,
a sidewalk for a shrine.

I am so lonely,
they say you were lonely too.
dear God be my savior,
I wait for you."

I am sure it is merely my vanity of vanities that seeks to find resonance between the life of Kierkegaard and myself...but surely the parallels are not just the blossoms of my overactive imagination.

Quote of the Day:

“I seem forsaken and alone, / I hear the lion roar; / And every door is shut but one, / And that is Mercy's door.”
-William Cowper

Oh thundering rain...fall down and wash away...wash away this headache and confusing state of being.

I really do not like...

I am feeling so...worn out with life...and just hearing the same words and phrases again and again.

After a while the words start to loose their meaning.

It could be about Jesus or sex.

I'm just sick of words loosing their meaning and me having to hear it...again and again. Something sacred should be treated as thus...and it's just so irritating to hear the same words...again and again.

Stupid!
Stupid!
Stupid!
Stupid!
Stupid!
Stupid!
STUPID!

I'm feeling lost in this...lost here and being within the boundaries of love and falling in and out because of You.
Chasing...running...falling again and again.
Just to find the answer...here and there...
...there and here.
Is it really coloring outside the lines
if it means getting lost in You?

I forgot that I was ahead about being behind when I quit.
Just needed to jot that down somewhere for future reference.

So tired...so much pain...so alone... =/

And now...a migraine.

Jesus...seriously?

Did I do something to make this the weekend from Hell?

Free to Run, Free to Feel, Free to See

You know...I'm not even sure what I would have done if things would have worked out 'perfectly'.

More than likely just panic, freak out and screw things up like I normally do.

Providence rarely makes sense from a finite perspective.

But there is the need to hope that...all of this will be okay...


I long to see fields of flowers
and feel the warm breeze on my face.
I remember when we were kids,
free to run through woods
and to play carefree.

Time was just a friend,
the seconds ticking away
until we could play
and imagine a new life
free of all pain.

Adventures anew
with every day
and I just long
to feel the freedom
that comes with faith
and belief in friends.

I just wish I could see you
and know it wasn't just dreams
conducting me on this path
but the words are so true
even when my faith is weak
and I need to be healed.

I just want to take you by the hand
and show you this childhood memory.
Tales of dragons and elves,
of good winning over evil
and the hope that this make believe
can one day be true.