Ack! Cooking chaos!! O_O

A story worth preserving is one that gives you chills and helps you remember why you are here and choosing to fight in this chaotic world.

Some Things of Note:

-I suck at wrapping gifts. I had little money to buy anything but a few books will have to do for now.

-Spike TV has been running a Star Wars marathon, the prequels are so bad they make my soul sad...but at least the original trilogy brings back many happy memories.

-I'm happy that it's Christmas Eve, I feel anticipation and happiness about being able to fit in somewhere and not feel like I'm some sort of perpetual and utterly useless burden.

-Last week I killed the Christmas tree trying to fix the lights. Finally the darn thing is lit back all the way and I'm about to try and rectify the lack of ornaments before dinner tonight.

-I miss a few things about home but I'm glad I'm leaving to go back to school otherwise I have no idea when I would be going back south.

-Brave Saint Saturn's song "Space Robot Five" has become my temporary theme song.

Quote of the Day:

“All sin has its being and origin in the fact that man wants to be his own judge. And in wanting to be that, and thinking and acting accordingly, he and his whole world is in conflict with God. It is an unreconciled world, and therefore a suffering world, a world given up to destruction.”
-Karl Barth

Quote of the Day:

“I hold a beast, an angel and a madman in me, and my inquiry is as to their working, and my problem is their subjugation and victory, downthrow and upheaval, and my effort is their self-expression.”
-Dylan Thomas

I have made an amazing discovery:

My long hair is actually covering and warming my ears.
If I settle down in a cold climate place I'm going to have to find a hair style that is lengthy that will work...

Bitterly Venom Lies

I'm sorry but I must say no.
I refuse to compromise my soul
and give free reign
with the power of control
to the likes of you.

Love is merely a currency
in your vernacular
and every form of your kindness
is just another Hellish smile.

Take the knives out of their backs
and feel free
to fall on them
and rid the world
of just another lying voice
and join your father,
the one who speaks in serpent tongues.

So much on my mind...and no one to talk to...the plus side is that things are quite...

I just wish my mind would bother to shut off...

Is it too much to wish for happy endings still?

Red Eyes

Redundant thoughts pertaining
and recalling every second here,
freeing in this falling space
as hope in light breaking dark
with every second just passing.

Anger, raw emotion at this breaking point
of no knowing and reinventing my steps
with the pulsing heart beats
and blood dripping from the arteries
into the mind of sin.

Pretty,
falling and flying
mammon and machine
everything you never seen.
Bleeding sentiment
while falling over the trapping
of your eclipsed soul,
food for thought
and devour all you see.
Justice in inaction
with beautiful painted glass ornaments
that mean more
than the living soul
you placed within it.

Having a migraine and nausea is not fun...the plus side is the apartment is empty tonight while my hosts are off to work and a birthday dinner...

Plus 'Forrest Gump' is on. This movie makes me cry more than it should...but it captures so many emotions and feelings and thoughts...

Six hours of gaming, spaghetti with bacon and marshmallow brownies...the only way the night could have been better is if there would have been less tangents in the first few hours of play...but I tend to be too worried about that stuff.

All in all one heck of a good time. ^_^

Quote of the Day:

“We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, 'Blessed are they that mourn.'”
-C.S. Lewis quote

Poor Offerings to the Muse

I've never had
never had enough,
enough of these words
or of hope to share.
Life has taken
much more than it's given
but here you are.

Isolated,
but never truly alone.
Distance is a pale metaphor
for love
and time is never a friend
except when counting the seconds
of being blessed
and the uptake of the burning inspiration
of your Muse whisperings in my ear.

Words can never be enough
to give definition
and figure
to the hope
and the love
and all these words
will never be able to
give justice
or make the beauty have life
until you breath inspiration over it
and realize,
just realize the creative spirit
and brightness you inspire.

Even in the Darkness
there is hope
and more and more Light
because you are there.

Hold on,
the resolution is coming
and even when the curtain falls
the beauty of Love
shall never die.

I'm so sick of being in pain...

Quote of the Day:

“Hope has two beautiful daughters. Their names are anger and courage; anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they do not remain the way they are.”
-Augustine of Hippo

Worry.

Pugs eating people? o_O

I KNEW there was a reason why I didn't like those animals...cats are so much superior to those treacherous canines...you at least know felines only want to use you for warmth and food...

http://www.wowt.com/news/headlines/79365732.html

Just one of those days spent waiting...

There are not words enough to voice my thoughts...to give justice to the multitude of questions, doubts, fears, hope, needs and shallow love I have to express to You, Lover of the Soul.

Everything I have hoped for...has it been in vain?
It feels so much that everything I have wanted has been the wrong thing, much less the wrong thing at the wrong time.

I'm a child who has lost his way and can't figure out my left hand from my right.

Why in the name of God would You want to trust me with taking the Gospel anywhere? I can't find my voice, I am so scared too...my shallow heart wants to have everyone love me and I am terrified of being hated.

I'm so sick from not feeling You my Love, I'm so sick and I need You more than I need anything in this life, in this world...everything is a cancer eating at me...I loose my sight and I cannot see...I cannot feel and I just feel like I am making a religious display that should just be burned away.

I need Truth, ergo I need You.
Nothing else, nothing else matters.
I will traverse this wasteland alone if it will please You.
I just...need You, can You understand that?
Need, desperate need where I ache so desperately for You.

Every relationship I have with people is going to die, everything I have ever loved is going to fade...and then what?

I feel like my soul is just full of garbage and lies...do I have anything beyond the base elements? Anything that is more substantial than...'maybe'? I have to equate love and faith as different sides of the same coin...I can't see either and I barely feel them in this cold night...

Paradox?

Is that what it boils down to...unreconciled contradictions that cause my heart and soul to endlessly ache?

The pain isn't in the emptiness...but that things have yet to be fulfilled...there is the hope and longing want that maybe...just maybe...this side of Eternity there will be...things might...just...

Jesus, You know how to make the word 'maybe' into such a loaded noun.

I'm not the kind of person who is okay not asking questions...if I didn't voice my doubt and fear...what shreds of sanity I have left would have jumped ship years ago...like it almost did back in college.

What now?
What next?
The more I read and the more I try to know...the less I understand and the less I know...give and take?

Just...help this, help me become something beautiful...

Quote of the Day:

"A fire broke out backstage in a theater. The clown came out to warn the public; they thought it was a joke and applauded. He repeated it; the acclaim was even greater. I think that's just how the world will come to an end: to the general applause of wits who believe it's a joke."
-Soren Kierkegaard

I wish I could inspire hope for those that truly need it...

Dear Jesus

Thank you for letting one of my friends be clear of cancer.

One down and one to go.

Can we try to make this a two for two please?

Thank you.

Regards;
-Matt.

Quote of the Day:

"To summarize: it is a well-known fact that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem."
-Douglas Adams

I'm either being glue to help holds things together...or just a wedge to push things apart.

Why can't I simply just love?

Logical Reversals

Day and night,
night and day.
Hours, minuted and seconds
just bleeding into the next.

Perception fading in and out
set to the rhythm
of your broken
and bleeding hearts.

Lacking substantial rhyme or reason
for this display
of turbulence
I just loose myself
and pray,
just pray for the coming Light.

Pain,
blinding and all encompassing,
pain that rips my body asunder
and pulls my soul out of its apathy
as I collapse gasping for air.

Value judgment calls
about the worth of the person
who lacks your dogma,
and I can't help but feel pity
for the close minds
that cause so much pain.

I want to feel again,
I want my heart and soul to bleed
and feel the hope
as they feel in pain.
Every last passing second
as I wait and cry
I will stand and die
just to feel
Your heartbeat again.

I have nothing
but this heart to given,
broken and black
as I hope for something more.