Profanity!
I missed it because of having to run an errand. =(
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Quote of the Day
“If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world”
-C.S. Lewis
-C.S. Lewis
"The Twilight of Sin’ai" - Preface and Excerpt of Chapter 8
Introduction:
The 'Twilight of Sin'ai' is the middle part of a series of books that are only partially written, partially planned out and mostly exist only in a fragmentary form in my mind. The book series itself still has no title but in order to give the reader a partial framework of understanding the forthcoming chapter excerpt, I will attempt to give an annotated history of the universe this work in progress takes place in:
In the beginning all was void and eternal darkness. It was not until the prime mover spoke that Light itself entered into the physical manifestation of creation. When the Light traveled through the endless void it sparked the creation and movements of all the of planes and the stars, and with them a seemingly infinite assortment of creatures and worlds that they inhabited.
As the creation process came to an end the Light itself raised up among the worlds a series of beings charged with the guidance and protection of the people, they were called Guardians. After a period of time passed fragments of the void began to make their way into the heart of the chief Guardian who began to view his role as being that of serving a lesser an infinitely more inferior creature. He reasoned that 'Why should he, one of such magnificent splendor, be subjected to the menial tasks of caring for such useless people?'
Gradually he began to change, to be twisted, to be tainted and with his fall he brought destruction to the worlds he had been charged to protect. He began to gather a force of other Guardians, twisting those he could and killing those who would not turn. Among the planets that held sentient life he began the long work of twisting their hearts, using subtlety he began the long work of corrupting worlds.
The Light began to rally its forces on the targeted worlds and they quickly became battlefields between good and evil. Those that had not felt the full reach of the quickly growing Dark were sealed off and could be accessed only by the magical gates that had linked all of the world together.
This fallen Guardian seeks to reach the center of all the worlds, the place where life had began and by conquering it and its people he hopes to achieve greater power and complete domination over all that is. However because of the gates that were put in place, it has become a desperate fight from world to world with him having to take things one world at a time.
Thousands of years have passed and many worlds have fallen. On the world of Sin'ai darkness has begun to overwhelm all. The free thinking people have bound together under oath and allegiance to hold their ground in hope that the Light and the Guardians will rescue them.
This chapter excerpt takes place after a scroll containing the knowledge of the primary gate on Sin'ai had been stolen by the chief warrior of the Order of Khiros, (which is a group devoted in religious zealotry toward The Dark) a mysterious man named Flahg. After a night of chasing and battle the central heroes of this story return to their city and Lord with what they think is the scrol. However tragedy strikes and the item turns out to be a decoy which engulfs their dear friend, the Lord Thamos, in fel flames causing him a most agonizing demise.
This story excerpt picks up that evening at the funeral of Thamos...
************
************
************
************
The sun hung on the edge of the sky with a blood red hue that added a morbid accent to the proceedings. It was almost as though the heavens themselves were declaring the extent of the outrage, the profane gesture that it was that one so young and good died such a tragic and pointless death. It spoke as if to say this was ultimately nothing more than yet another senseless death to be added to the tally of this realms sad and tragic history.
Those under the banner of the Knights of the Xianphire gathered. The Knights were split into two companies, the first being the half dozen of those under the sword of Agius were closest to the front of the circle as they were known to have been in the late Lords intimate council. The second group consisted of another two dozen survivors that were all that remained of their once numerous and proud force. The rest consisted of the gathered militia and the handful of soldiers from the regular army who had remained after this time.
Agius, as chief paladin by default, was elected to lead the ceremony and did so with great sorrow and reluctance. He stepped to the front of the people who had gathered under the blood red sky in the courtyard. His eyes traveled across all who were there, tears in the eyes of most and the look of sorrow intermingled with exhaustion on all.
This would be more than difficult, if not impossible. He silently began praying to the Light for strength.
By being elected to lead this ceremony, symbolic as it might be, it was as if he was given the legitimate right to succeed leadership where there was no one else to. Somehow he was to lead this last group of soldiers that had sacrificed all by choosing to give up both their lives and families and fight right on what had become the final border of civilization.
He took a deep breath and tried to pull his thoughts together , desperate to find some logical form.
Everyone was standing at attention meeting his eyes, they must have known how difficult this was for him, how this mantle was something to be taken and held as an honor but an honor that weighed on the soul and pressed deep into the mind as a sword, cutting swift and reminding him why those who never knew battle were the single most blessed people who were ever born.
“My beloved brothers and sisters in arm, in sorrow and given life and still purpose by the power of both the Light and Guardians; thank you for being here.”
He paused and met the eyes of the small group of people. Taking the time to look at each one of them in the eyes, they knew that he knew them not just by name but because most of them had grown together, knew their families and intimately knew they shared this pain, the burden they all had in common by fighting this war.
“Our lands have stood at a crossroads for many years, Lord Thamos was a man who knew this. He knew that the political troubles that rulers loved to get themselves entangled in would not end with any long term victory. Sending thousands to die over a few strips of land was something he despised as much as seeing a murderer walk free, because in his mind both were equivocal injustices.
“He gave his life as he lived it. With his soldiers on the front line, in this fortress that we have all viewed as being a hellish tomb. We have fought to maintain this link, this bastion as a means of drawing a line in the sand, as a message to the Dark and all those who foolishly ran to and embraced them. Our Lord knew that by choosing to stand up he was marking himself as a target. He trusted in the Light, the Guardians and that all people were made to be free and had the right to live free from the oppression of tyranny and those who would enslave them to simply construct even more ways of efficient murder and the destroying of the innocent.
“He gave himself first and foremost to those he served. He gave up the thought of marrying and heirs because he knew that if we failed in making our stand then there would be no future generations to be had. He knew that each one of you was here for a purpose, that no accidents existed in who the Light chose to bring here. None of you were born without reason, instead we were created to serve and fight for reason.”
He paused and walked forward to the group. Holding his hands outstretched wide he looked up to the sky and slowly turned in a circle and looked back down as he came to face the group again. “You are the reason, this place is your reason, your family is your reason.” He stopped and looked into the misty blue eyes of Dinlixia. “The one you love is why you fight. If we do not continue this fight and be willing to sacrifice everything like Thamos did than we will not have a chance. This is a challenge none of us would have asked for but one we must all accept if we are to survive.
“We hold Lord Thamos in our hearts and return his ashes to the land that bore him. We pray his spirit is received into the Halls of his fathers that they share with the Guardians and we pray that the Light will bear him there safely.”
** ** ** ** **
“That was beautiful.”
“You are much too kind to me beloved.” Agius sighed as he looked out the window of the small room he had been sharing with Nanthanial.
Dinlixia wrapped her arms around his shoulder from behind and held him, resting her head on the back of his neck. “I never could be kind enough. These days are so dark and so troubled that sometimes the only light I ever see comes from your heart. With loosing Thamos as our leader they, I, needed to hear everything you said so very much. We would be even more lost without you…”
He gave a heavy sigh and closed his eyes to try and hold back the overflow of emotion that threatened to overwhelm him and spill out.
“What is it? Speak to me please.”
A minute passed in silence as she gently kissed the back of his neck allowing her fingers to move along his shoulder and neck giving him time to gather words.
“I, I am not special. I am just my father’s son, I was not even the strongest Paladin of my class. In almost every way I am ordinary and it almost feels like it was a tarnish on his death to have me of all people deliver the eulogy. I am not even of noble birth, Guinavare should have been the one wh-“
She had suddenly turned Agius around catching him off guard as she interrupted him by fiercely kissing him on the lips, sliding her hands into his light colored hair as he gradually wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly.
“Who you are is more than enough.” She looked up into his eyes not breaking their connection until he closed his eyes and let out a soft sigh. “The Light and the Guardians elected for this lot to fall to you for a reason, we have not been forgotten and we will fight until we see the end that we are. My people have fought this battle since time itself began to wind and now that it is coming undone we shall fight until we see the wonder of what lays beyond this veil of darkness.”
Finally daring to open his eyes he looked down to her, seeing eyes which shone as twin blue moons giving light to his darkened soul. “Thank you, the years we have known each other you have ever stood beside me and gave me strength and courage.”
Giving a wry smile she kisses his lips. “Your looks are what keep me around, for a human they are quite impressive.”
“For one who is a child of the undying race it would seem you have standards that are less than honorable.”
“Undying has never meant noble, have you seen an Eidolon who ever intended well?”
“As always you point is both reasonable and valid.” He ran his fingers gently over her cheek before pausing, his thumb gently running along beneath her bottom lip. She looked up at him saying nothing, knowing he would speak when ready.
“I love you. I have loved you since we first met in what almost feels like a lifetime ago. When I spoke about finding a purpose, a reason to live and to fight I meant you. You have been my reason for these many years.”
She gave him a smile that said better than any words she could form that she not only knew but her heart burned in the same way.
“There could maybe be no worse a time to ask but would you be mine, be mine forevermore?”
He pulled away from her slowly and dropped to one knee and pulled out a silvery ring forged of mithril. “If you will, accept this paltry token as being but the faintest symbol of my affections for you.”
Looking at the crest on the ring she felt although her heart was caught in her throat as silent tears fell on her face without her knowing. She nodded her head and mouthed her answer as he slid the ring on her hand and their lips soon met and he began to kiss away her tears.
Lost in the rapture of their kiss it was many minutes before they spoke again.
The 'Twilight of Sin'ai' is the middle part of a series of books that are only partially written, partially planned out and mostly exist only in a fragmentary form in my mind. The book series itself still has no title but in order to give the reader a partial framework of understanding the forthcoming chapter excerpt, I will attempt to give an annotated history of the universe this work in progress takes place in:
In the beginning all was void and eternal darkness. It was not until the prime mover spoke that Light itself entered into the physical manifestation of creation. When the Light traveled through the endless void it sparked the creation and movements of all the of planes and the stars, and with them a seemingly infinite assortment of creatures and worlds that they inhabited.
As the creation process came to an end the Light itself raised up among the worlds a series of beings charged with the guidance and protection of the people, they were called Guardians. After a period of time passed fragments of the void began to make their way into the heart of the chief Guardian who began to view his role as being that of serving a lesser an infinitely more inferior creature. He reasoned that 'Why should he, one of such magnificent splendor, be subjected to the menial tasks of caring for such useless people?'
Gradually he began to change, to be twisted, to be tainted and with his fall he brought destruction to the worlds he had been charged to protect. He began to gather a force of other Guardians, twisting those he could and killing those who would not turn. Among the planets that held sentient life he began the long work of twisting their hearts, using subtlety he began the long work of corrupting worlds.
The Light began to rally its forces on the targeted worlds and they quickly became battlefields between good and evil. Those that had not felt the full reach of the quickly growing Dark were sealed off and could be accessed only by the magical gates that had linked all of the world together.
This fallen Guardian seeks to reach the center of all the worlds, the place where life had began and by conquering it and its people he hopes to achieve greater power and complete domination over all that is. However because of the gates that were put in place, it has become a desperate fight from world to world with him having to take things one world at a time.
Thousands of years have passed and many worlds have fallen. On the world of Sin'ai darkness has begun to overwhelm all. The free thinking people have bound together under oath and allegiance to hold their ground in hope that the Light and the Guardians will rescue them.
This chapter excerpt takes place after a scroll containing the knowledge of the primary gate on Sin'ai had been stolen by the chief warrior of the Order of Khiros, (which is a group devoted in religious zealotry toward The Dark) a mysterious man named Flahg. After a night of chasing and battle the central heroes of this story return to their city and Lord with what they think is the scrol. However tragedy strikes and the item turns out to be a decoy which engulfs their dear friend, the Lord Thamos, in fel flames causing him a most agonizing demise.
This story excerpt picks up that evening at the funeral of Thamos...
************
************
************
************
The sun hung on the edge of the sky with a blood red hue that added a morbid accent to the proceedings. It was almost as though the heavens themselves were declaring the extent of the outrage, the profane gesture that it was that one so young and good died such a tragic and pointless death. It spoke as if to say this was ultimately nothing more than yet another senseless death to be added to the tally of this realms sad and tragic history.
Those under the banner of the Knights of the Xianphire gathered. The Knights were split into two companies, the first being the half dozen of those under the sword of Agius were closest to the front of the circle as they were known to have been in the late Lords intimate council. The second group consisted of another two dozen survivors that were all that remained of their once numerous and proud force. The rest consisted of the gathered militia and the handful of soldiers from the regular army who had remained after this time.
Agius, as chief paladin by default, was elected to lead the ceremony and did so with great sorrow and reluctance. He stepped to the front of the people who had gathered under the blood red sky in the courtyard. His eyes traveled across all who were there, tears in the eyes of most and the look of sorrow intermingled with exhaustion on all.
This would be more than difficult, if not impossible. He silently began praying to the Light for strength.
By being elected to lead this ceremony, symbolic as it might be, it was as if he was given the legitimate right to succeed leadership where there was no one else to. Somehow he was to lead this last group of soldiers that had sacrificed all by choosing to give up both their lives and families and fight right on what had become the final border of civilization.
He took a deep breath and tried to pull his thoughts together , desperate to find some logical form.
Everyone was standing at attention meeting his eyes, they must have known how difficult this was for him, how this mantle was something to be taken and held as an honor but an honor that weighed on the soul and pressed deep into the mind as a sword, cutting swift and reminding him why those who never knew battle were the single most blessed people who were ever born.
“My beloved brothers and sisters in arm, in sorrow and given life and still purpose by the power of both the Light and Guardians; thank you for being here.”
He paused and met the eyes of the small group of people. Taking the time to look at each one of them in the eyes, they knew that he knew them not just by name but because most of them had grown together, knew their families and intimately knew they shared this pain, the burden they all had in common by fighting this war.
“Our lands have stood at a crossroads for many years, Lord Thamos was a man who knew this. He knew that the political troubles that rulers loved to get themselves entangled in would not end with any long term victory. Sending thousands to die over a few strips of land was something he despised as much as seeing a murderer walk free, because in his mind both were equivocal injustices.
“He gave his life as he lived it. With his soldiers on the front line, in this fortress that we have all viewed as being a hellish tomb. We have fought to maintain this link, this bastion as a means of drawing a line in the sand, as a message to the Dark and all those who foolishly ran to and embraced them. Our Lord knew that by choosing to stand up he was marking himself as a target. He trusted in the Light, the Guardians and that all people were made to be free and had the right to live free from the oppression of tyranny and those who would enslave them to simply construct even more ways of efficient murder and the destroying of the innocent.
“He gave himself first and foremost to those he served. He gave up the thought of marrying and heirs because he knew that if we failed in making our stand then there would be no future generations to be had. He knew that each one of you was here for a purpose, that no accidents existed in who the Light chose to bring here. None of you were born without reason, instead we were created to serve and fight for reason.”
He paused and walked forward to the group. Holding his hands outstretched wide he looked up to the sky and slowly turned in a circle and looked back down as he came to face the group again. “You are the reason, this place is your reason, your family is your reason.” He stopped and looked into the misty blue eyes of Dinlixia. “The one you love is why you fight. If we do not continue this fight and be willing to sacrifice everything like Thamos did than we will not have a chance. This is a challenge none of us would have asked for but one we must all accept if we are to survive.
“We hold Lord Thamos in our hearts and return his ashes to the land that bore him. We pray his spirit is received into the Halls of his fathers that they share with the Guardians and we pray that the Light will bear him there safely.”
** ** ** ** **
“That was beautiful.”
“You are much too kind to me beloved.” Agius sighed as he looked out the window of the small room he had been sharing with Nanthanial.
Dinlixia wrapped her arms around his shoulder from behind and held him, resting her head on the back of his neck. “I never could be kind enough. These days are so dark and so troubled that sometimes the only light I ever see comes from your heart. With loosing Thamos as our leader they, I, needed to hear everything you said so very much. We would be even more lost without you…”
He gave a heavy sigh and closed his eyes to try and hold back the overflow of emotion that threatened to overwhelm him and spill out.
“What is it? Speak to me please.”
A minute passed in silence as she gently kissed the back of his neck allowing her fingers to move along his shoulder and neck giving him time to gather words.
“I, I am not special. I am just my father’s son, I was not even the strongest Paladin of my class. In almost every way I am ordinary and it almost feels like it was a tarnish on his death to have me of all people deliver the eulogy. I am not even of noble birth, Guinavare should have been the one wh-“
She had suddenly turned Agius around catching him off guard as she interrupted him by fiercely kissing him on the lips, sliding her hands into his light colored hair as he gradually wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly.
“Who you are is more than enough.” She looked up into his eyes not breaking their connection until he closed his eyes and let out a soft sigh. “The Light and the Guardians elected for this lot to fall to you for a reason, we have not been forgotten and we will fight until we see the end that we are. My people have fought this battle since time itself began to wind and now that it is coming undone we shall fight until we see the wonder of what lays beyond this veil of darkness.”
Finally daring to open his eyes he looked down to her, seeing eyes which shone as twin blue moons giving light to his darkened soul. “Thank you, the years we have known each other you have ever stood beside me and gave me strength and courage.”
Giving a wry smile she kisses his lips. “Your looks are what keep me around, for a human they are quite impressive.”
“For one who is a child of the undying race it would seem you have standards that are less than honorable.”
“Undying has never meant noble, have you seen an Eidolon who ever intended well?”
“As always you point is both reasonable and valid.” He ran his fingers gently over her cheek before pausing, his thumb gently running along beneath her bottom lip. She looked up at him saying nothing, knowing he would speak when ready.
“I love you. I have loved you since we first met in what almost feels like a lifetime ago. When I spoke about finding a purpose, a reason to live and to fight I meant you. You have been my reason for these many years.”
She gave him a smile that said better than any words she could form that she not only knew but her heart burned in the same way.
“There could maybe be no worse a time to ask but would you be mine, be mine forevermore?”
He pulled away from her slowly and dropped to one knee and pulled out a silvery ring forged of mithril. “If you will, accept this paltry token as being but the faintest symbol of my affections for you.”
Looking at the crest on the ring she felt although her heart was caught in her throat as silent tears fell on her face without her knowing. She nodded her head and mouthed her answer as he slid the ring on her hand and their lips soon met and he began to kiss away her tears.
Lost in the rapture of their kiss it was many minutes before they spoke again.
BS2 concert
For the three other fans of Brave Saint Saturn out there here is a link to a full concerts of one of the few times they have ever performed as a band:
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=98995D3674732992
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=98995D3674732992
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Musings on the Musings of a Muse
As always it makes terrifyingly perfect sense in the way that only the artistic musings of a Muse can.
Sometimes we have to pour ourselves into the work of the soul to push ourselves along the path of learning what it means to be saved.
Jesus did the hard part of dying and coming back to life...all we do is spent trying to learn to love...and part of that is devoting ourselves to plumbing the depths of our seemingly endless souls to find who we are and what we can do...just to stand and face our Love...and realize the work we've done is a paltry reflection of that face...
Beauty, color, creed and sex will have no real meaning looking into the face of Divine Love...everything will be reconciled into the perfectly unutterable clarity that would terrify us to know now.
Peace and hope eternal.
Sometimes we have to pour ourselves into the work of the soul to push ourselves along the path of learning what it means to be saved.
Jesus did the hard part of dying and coming back to life...all we do is spent trying to learn to love...and part of that is devoting ourselves to plumbing the depths of our seemingly endless souls to find who we are and what we can do...just to stand and face our Love...and realize the work we've done is a paltry reflection of that face...
Beauty, color, creed and sex will have no real meaning looking into the face of Divine Love...everything will be reconciled into the perfectly unutterable clarity that would terrify us to know now.
Peace and hope eternal.
Feeding on a Burning Soul
I'm looking across this ocean
and feeling the distance
of being ripped apart
by the lies of trepidation
and temptation of pride
with the lie of self.
It's having the scales of my eyes
ripped off
and feeling the shame
of a thousand lies of wasted breaths.
Every moment apart
is a moment I'm dying,
not knowing how to live
forgetting how Your heart beats
and longing to know
just to know
I'm never forgotten.
and feeling the distance
of being ripped apart
by the lies of trepidation
and temptation of pride
with the lie of self.
It's having the scales of my eyes
ripped off
and feeling the shame
of a thousand lies of wasted breaths.
Every moment apart
is a moment I'm dying,
not knowing how to live
forgetting how Your heart beats
and longing to know
just to know
I'm never forgotten.
Quote of the Day
“Just as in earthly life lovers long for the moment when they are able to breathe forth their love for each other, to let their souls blend in a soft whisper, so the mystic longs for the moment when in prayer he can, as it were, creep into God.”
-Soren Kierkegaard
-Soren Kierkegaard
Monday, November 9, 2009
Quote of the Day:
“I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.”
-Mother Teresa
-Mother Teresa
"I’m languorously open-ended and the ending’s no good
I’ve been told to break the mold and I would if I could
But apathy is easier than caring at all
And the undulating nothingness means having a ball
Incredibly impressive and bereft of concern
Lobotomized and optimized and then I’m ready to burn
At war within myself and self is winning the fight
Because feeling like no one at all means feeling alright
Sense of purpose has got me feeling worthless
And I’m fading away, but that’s okay"
I’ve been told to break the mold and I would if I could
But apathy is easier than caring at all
And the undulating nothingness means having a ball
Incredibly impressive and bereft of concern
Lobotomized and optimized and then I’m ready to burn
At war within myself and self is winning the fight
Because feeling like no one at all means feeling alright
Sense of purpose has got me feeling worthless
And I’m fading away, but that’s okay"
Fool Afraid of Love
Dear Lord just give me everything that I want,
feed me a bit more,
so it can,
it'll make me content just for the day.
It's a promise that I'll break
because after all
everything about everything
is always just about me.
I can be sweet,
just enough to rot your teeth.
I can be honest,
just enough to be blunt,
about how I just can't stand your ways
because after all
everything it's about me.
You didn't get the memo?
If I could get any more sick
I might just be able to love You
almost as much as I hate you.
I could throw up
and be rid of everything that is me
and return this status quo
of not knowing
or wanting to care anymore.
Why did you set this stirring in my heart
just so it could become a blister
an ache driving me further insane?
Just cut it out,
slice out this heart
and indulge an old serpent
whose only sole concern
is about no longer feeling.
I would rather be blinded
and loose my touch,
have my words stolen
and never utter a sound
or write another trite verse.
If it could just make you happy
I would gladly cut off these ties
and loose everything
that ever made myself
just myself about myself.
Just a few grains of sand
and I'll be done,
don't worry
everything is fading
and soon enough
my voice will be stilled.
No longer a burning
or an ache
just an empty vessel,
worthless dust to dust
and back to the dirt
all without a single fuss.
feed me a bit more,
so it can,
it'll make me content just for the day.
It's a promise that I'll break
because after all
everything about everything
is always just about me.
I can be sweet,
just enough to rot your teeth.
I can be honest,
just enough to be blunt,
about how I just can't stand your ways
because after all
everything it's about me.
You didn't get the memo?
If I could get any more sick
I might just be able to love You
almost as much as I hate you.
I could throw up
and be rid of everything that is me
and return this status quo
of not knowing
or wanting to care anymore.
Why did you set this stirring in my heart
just so it could become a blister
an ache driving me further insane?
Just cut it out,
slice out this heart
and indulge an old serpent
whose only sole concern
is about no longer feeling.
I would rather be blinded
and loose my touch,
have my words stolen
and never utter a sound
or write another trite verse.
If it could just make you happy
I would gladly cut off these ties
and loose everything
that ever made myself
just myself about myself.
Just a few grains of sand
and I'll be done,
don't worry
everything is fading
and soon enough
my voice will be stilled.
No longer a burning
or an ache
just an empty vessel,
worthless dust to dust
and back to the dirt
all without a single fuss.
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