Such an overload...maybe I'll sleep tonight and things shall be washed away.
"If mercy fall upon the broken and the poor
dear Father I will see You there on distant shores."
Sunday, October 18, 2009
I'm so grateful to feel any sort of love...any sort of connection anymore....thank you Father for putting these people in my path...even when I'm scared, afraid, terrified of making any decision...You never cease to pour on grace.
Take my life, take my soul, take these hands, take these feet, take my words and these lips...give them a holy kiss and let me serve You again.
Show me where to go and I will go.
I love You so freaking much, I can never cease to.
Help me to walk through this door.
Be my vision and strength.
Help me to give out twice the grace You give to me so freely.
My Father, my Love.
My Jesus.
Thank You.
Take my life, take my soul, take these hands, take these feet, take my words and these lips...give them a holy kiss and let me serve You again.
Show me where to go and I will go.
I love You so freaking much, I can never cease to.
Help me to walk through this door.
Be my vision and strength.
Help me to give out twice the grace You give to me so freely.
My Father, my Love.
My Jesus.
Thank You.
"They won't see the fire you have lit inside of me.
They look up to the stars and wonder where you might be.
They look up
Without realizing they're standing in the palm of your hand.
I can't explain or understand.
I just love you.
It's common knowledge that; you've been dead for a while.
It's well known that the cross is only a burden with pains and trials.
But thinking how come my shoes are so light,
how come I can walk for miles?
And still, just love you?
So I think I'll stay, caught up in silent prayer,
cause I believe in silence.
Our hearts speak the same words.
So why don't we just walk along the shoreline with our silent song?
Cause I believe in silence.
Our hearts speak the same words, the same words."
They look up to the stars and wonder where you might be.
They look up
Without realizing they're standing in the palm of your hand.
I can't explain or understand.
I just love you.
It's common knowledge that; you've been dead for a while.
It's well known that the cross is only a burden with pains and trials.
But thinking how come my shoes are so light,
how come I can walk for miles?
And still, just love you?
So I think I'll stay, caught up in silent prayer,
cause I believe in silence.
Our hearts speak the same words.
So why don't we just walk along the shoreline with our silent song?
Cause I believe in silence.
Our hearts speak the same words, the same words."
Quote of the Day - Part Two:
"Agape doesn't love somebody because they're worthy.
Agape makes them worthy by the strength and power of its love.
Agape doesn't love somebody because they're beautiful.
Agape loves in such a way that it makes them beautiful."
— Rob Bell
Agape makes them worthy by the strength and power of its love.
Agape doesn't love somebody because they're beautiful.
Agape loves in such a way that it makes them beautiful."
— Rob Bell
Quote of the Day:
"If the gospel isn't good news for everybody, then it isn't good news for anybody. And this is because the most powerful things happen when the church surrenders its desire to convert people and convince them to join. It is when the church gives itself away in radical acts of service and compassion, expecting nothing in return, that the way of Jesus is most vividly put on display. To do this, the church must stop thinking about everybody primarily in categories of in or out, saved or not, believer or nonbeliever. Besides the fact that these terms are offensive to those who are the "un" and "non", they work against Jesus' teachings about how we are to treat each other. Jesus commanded us to love our neighbor, and our neighbor can be anybody. We are all created in the image of God, and we are all sacred, valuable creations of God. Everybody matters. To treat people differently based on who believes what is to fail to respect the image of God in everyone. As the book of James says, "God shows no favoritism." So we don't either."
— Rob Bell
— Rob Bell
Saturday, October 17, 2009
"Spartan" - Five Iron Frenzy
Billie Holiday on the radio
my sluggish heart is beating seven beats too slow
another sad song and another shot of blue
cold and unconcerned are anything but new
He said “Love endures all things”
and it hurts to think He’s right
If I mark the span of failure
is his burden just as light?
I am, Spartan
close my heart so tight
Jesus
Save me
from myself tonight
Limping through the world
there’s a knowing look or two
is it just the cripples here
who understand the truth?
Why is love so painful
why do we always lose
paving pathways for the lost
the bitter, and recluse?
He said “Love endures all things”
and it hurts to think it’s true
did it nail Him on a cross
did it crucify Him too?
I am, Spartan
close my heart so tight
Jesus
Save me
from myself tonight
The angels are singing over the plains
the shepherds are quaking, echoing refrains
And all of our slogans designed to take away the pain
meant nothing to the Son of God that night in Bethlehem
Encouragement comes in all forms:
Always nice to know someone has already been recognized as the worst writer of all time, saves me the fear of claiming the title for myself.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amanda_McKittrick_Ros
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amanda_McKittrick_Ros
Models, RPG's and Emulators
So the other day I was talking to my online friend who does modeling in Britain and we got onto the subject of Dungeons and Dragons and World of Warcraft. Neither of us knew the other was an aficionado of the pen and paper RPG realm and the ensuing dorky discussion led to her showing me a picture of her giving a high five to a statue of an Orc riding a Wargen (from Lord of the Rings) and that led to me making a playful jab about her being an Orc lover.
Turns out she actually mostly plays male Orc and Blood Elf characters on World of Warcraft. My initial thought was because of wanting to avoid lecherous perverts but it turns out she simply prefers the aesthetics of the male character models.
My mind was blown and I came to a conclusion:
"Not everyone that plays a game does so from the perspective of one who actually plays a role."
Whoa.
As my friend Nichole says "We're roleplayers, most everyone else are gamers." and this is true. When I play a character I strive to be as true to the character as possible. As a test I've been trying to play through one of the dozen or so remakes of Final Fantasy I and I am hating the game because for the most part there is NO story in the game. The most one can say of the story is that it is an exercise in Chaos Theory in how a dozen or so unrelated events could theoretically lead to the destruction of the world.
To be absolutely frank I am shocked the game series has lasted almost fourteen main incarnations and a dozen or so spin off games just going off of the first game. I'm about halfway through the masochistic exercise of trying to finish that game and plan on finishing it but only by having the emmulator speed set a 10X so I can get the pain over sooner.
Turns out she actually mostly plays male Orc and Blood Elf characters on World of Warcraft. My initial thought was because of wanting to avoid lecherous perverts but it turns out she simply prefers the aesthetics of the male character models.
My mind was blown and I came to a conclusion:
"Not everyone that plays a game does so from the perspective of one who actually plays a role."
Whoa.
As my friend Nichole says "We're roleplayers, most everyone else are gamers." and this is true. When I play a character I strive to be as true to the character as possible. As a test I've been trying to play through one of the dozen or so remakes of Final Fantasy I and I am hating the game because for the most part there is NO story in the game. The most one can say of the story is that it is an exercise in Chaos Theory in how a dozen or so unrelated events could theoretically lead to the destruction of the world.
To be absolutely frank I am shocked the game series has lasted almost fourteen main incarnations and a dozen or so spin off games just going off of the first game. I'm about halfway through the masochistic exercise of trying to finish that game and plan on finishing it but only by having the emmulator speed set a 10X so I can get the pain over sooner.
God I hate pictures that remind me of the seemingly infinite grand nature of my failures.
The tears I'm crying feel pointless just like so much of my inescapable destiny when it comes to destroying lives and hurting people.
I'm damned to wander this world with the impossible scope of having to wonder at the very nature of my soul and what it means to cause pain.
If I wanted to express every layer of my doubt...I would ask if I was already dead and stuck in a purgatory I never believed in. It was bad enough having to return home but then to develop the intense feeling of my insides on fire as being the only heat to warm my soul at night...I wonder at my level of sanity and how long before I might find reprieve.
I'm wandering across this vastless wasteland and I do not understand how people have hope, what they are living for. I have the hope of Christ which is the only thing keeping me from ending my life sooner...how do people walk without God loving them and they knowing they were being held up?
I curse the day of my birth as being one of the manifestation of death and the realization that every human is imperfect and I am the crown jewel of that disgusting fact.
I'm a diseased and rotting bag of flesh that holds a soul.
Christ have mercy and end this farce before anymore innocent people are hurt by Your most beloved bastard son.
The tears I'm crying feel pointless just like so much of my inescapable destiny when it comes to destroying lives and hurting people.
I'm damned to wander this world with the impossible scope of having to wonder at the very nature of my soul and what it means to cause pain.
If I wanted to express every layer of my doubt...I would ask if I was already dead and stuck in a purgatory I never believed in. It was bad enough having to return home but then to develop the intense feeling of my insides on fire as being the only heat to warm my soul at night...I wonder at my level of sanity and how long before I might find reprieve.
I'm wandering across this vastless wasteland and I do not understand how people have hope, what they are living for. I have the hope of Christ which is the only thing keeping me from ending my life sooner...how do people walk without God loving them and they knowing they were being held up?
I curse the day of my birth as being one of the manifestation of death and the realization that every human is imperfect and I am the crown jewel of that disgusting fact.
I'm a diseased and rotting bag of flesh that holds a soul.
Christ have mercy and end this farce before anymore innocent people are hurt by Your most beloved bastard son.
Jesus you have a strange sense of humor.
Distance is confusing...are you just screwing with the numbers right now because I'm so tired and am having trouble thinking?
I'm free for lunch tomorrow if you are, if you aren't too busy it would be good to see You for once and get a hug...I won't take up too much time...I just...need help to be able to give help.
Give me the strength I never had.
Distance is confusing...are you just screwing with the numbers right now because I'm so tired and am having trouble thinking?
I'm free for lunch tomorrow if you are, if you aren't too busy it would be good to see You for once and get a hug...I won't take up too much time...I just...need help to be able to give help.
Give me the strength I never had.
Quote of the Day - Part Two:
"How extraordinarily stupid it is to defend Christianity, how little knowledge of humanity it betrays, how it connives if only unconsciously with offence by making Christianity out to be some miserable object that in the end must be rescued by a defence. It is therefore certain and true that the person who first thought of defending Christianity is de facto a Judas No. 2; he too betrays with a kiss, except his treason is that of stupidity. To defend something is always to discredit it."
-Søren Kierkegaard
-Søren Kierkegaard
Quote of the Day:
"Worldly wisdom thinks that love is a relationship between man and man. Christianity teaches that love is a relationship between: man-God-man, that is, that God is the middle term."
-Søren Kierkegaard
-Søren Kierkegaard
Friday, October 16, 2009
Quote of the Day:
"We know too much, and are convinced of too little. Our literature is a substitute for religion, and so is our religion."
-T. S. Eliot
-T. S. Eliot
Forever in Timed
Uncertainty is seemingly always certain,
regardless of how contrived
that may seem.
Beauty strives in originality
but is always seen in the redeemed
in how everything will be remade.
A good, good day to you
and a fair and beautiful night
as we all drift
as we glide
sliding along
on these fragile wings of hope.
The future is coming along
at a frightening pace
and it's hard to say hello
even at the best of times
because I feel
I'm lacking in grace
and I just want to cry.
The morning is coming
so it's the right time
to just dry your eyes
wiping away ever tear
and just forever
try to forget
just this fear.
Expectations inevitably arise
and fall
and believe as they will.
But to hope is precious
as it is fleeting
and so quick to flee
as we dance across our time.
regardless of how contrived
that may seem.
Beauty strives in originality
but is always seen in the redeemed
in how everything will be remade.
A good, good day to you
and a fair and beautiful night
as we all drift
as we glide
sliding along
on these fragile wings of hope.
The future is coming along
at a frightening pace
and it's hard to say hello
even at the best of times
because I feel
I'm lacking in grace
and I just want to cry.
The morning is coming
so it's the right time
to just dry your eyes
wiping away ever tear
and just forever
try to forget
just this fear.
Expectations inevitably arise
and fall
and believe as they will.
But to hope is precious
as it is fleeting
and so quick to flee
as we dance across our time.
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