God I hate pictures that remind me of the seemingly infinite grand nature of my failures.

The tears I'm crying feel pointless just like so much of my inescapable destiny when it comes to destroying lives and hurting people.

I'm damned to wander this world with the impossible scope of having to wonder at the very nature of my soul and what it means to cause pain.

If I wanted to express every layer of my doubt...I would ask if I was already dead and stuck in a purgatory I never believed in. It was bad enough having to return home but then to develop the intense feeling of my insides on fire as being the only heat to warm my soul at night...I wonder at my level of sanity and how long before I might find reprieve.

I'm wandering across this vastless wasteland and I do not understand how people have hope, what they are living for. I have the hope of Christ which is the only thing keeping me from ending my life sooner...how do people walk without God loving them and they knowing they were being held up?

I curse the day of my birth as being one of the manifestation of death and the realization that every human is imperfect and I am the crown jewel of that disgusting fact.

I'm a diseased and rotting bag of flesh that holds a soul.

Christ have mercy and end this farce before anymore innocent people are hurt by Your most beloved bastard son.