"What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt"

Ka

Such an exhausted burning...I feel like I will be extinguished soon...

"Better Than Drugs" - Skillet

I hate getting the shakes. =/

Ardency

Beauty which demands my attention,
my affection, my devotion,
my love, my sacrifice,
my being, my self,
my waking, my breath,
my beginning,
my breaking,
my end,
and this flimsy devotion.

Love which lifts my soul
from the shell within
to the heavens above
in the relentless resounding din
across the shoals of friction
to the reverberation in You.

Excruciating pain.

God it feels like my insides are on fire...help.
Me.
Please.

9-9-09

wooo

'Dark Tower' Rant

This isn't looking good.

Mr.King is starting to scare me here.

All of the deaths so far have been meaningless. Unless he is planning to do some kind of massive twist he just wasted his MAIN villain...over nothing. The villain that has been in over a dozen of his books and the main antagonist of the hero was killed...in random happenstance...I'm confused.

On top of that...he spent an the fourth developing Roland's two childhood friends who obviously died before the main story started...and he doesn't even cover their deaths. Just happened to mention them in passing during a flash back about the battle of Jericho Hill...I was pleasantly surprised Sheemie was brought back...but seriously...I'm starting to get bitter over the fourth book being an entire flash back. My memories of Jacksonville is waiting a lot, eating doughnuts and wondering why the book had to be 95% flash back, 2% of a reference to 'The Stand' and 3% of a reference to 'The Wizard of Oz'...I'm guessing I missed something.

And the painful foreshadowing about members of the ka-tet dying...I honestly just wish he would leave some suspence...I'm already about ninety five percent sure my favorite character is going to die...in what I assume is going to be an unfulfilling and cheap death.

And what is up with the Crimson King suddenly becoming this 'tragic' character at the last minute? "Oh no poor guy has been locked in the tower and is going crazy..." Oh I'm so confused...

The plus side is I've enjoyed Mr.King including himself as a minor character in the books...that was an unexpected but pleasant twist. And the Harry Potter reference...the 'snitch' grenade made me giggle.

Oh well...I'm reading this slower than the other books...we'll see what happens...

I would like to thank my favorite dentist for sending me this painfully funny summary about the formula used in writing House episodes:


http://www.cracked.com/blog/write-your-own-house-episode

If I see another advertisement for the movie 'Sorority Row' I'm going to have a freaking aneurysm.

"Rocket shuttered screamed and then fell away
Lift this juggernaut into the sky
Radio waves in the frozen night
Spelling "I miss you""

So apparently holding your breath for something that isn't likely to happen...is in fact a bad idea.

Who knew?

...my cat just walked up to me and hit my nose with his.

What sly cat behavior is this?

Also...I hate hospitals, insurance companies and doctors.

I do like rain, clouds and hugs.

Granted none of this makes sense when you blend it together into one topic...but the thought counts. What it counts as I have no flipping idea...but the numbers are going and someone needs to be jotting them down.

Hey you!

Are you keeping track of them?!?

How is Dane Cook considered to be funny?

I've seen car wrecks that contain more unintentional humor then I've ever seen him posses.

My math is spotty but I've crunched the numbers...the odds of any of this working out is astronomical...we shouldn't be...knowing one another...being able to exist...people overcoming selfishness long enough to do good and create...but the beauty is perhaps in how in the daily actions the impossible is overcome.

How often it is challenged and defeated.

That perhaps is a miracle.

Maybe the miracle we've been looking for.

"Everything is dying and we want something more."

"Ignoring you, I dance, oh I do,
Through magnificent realms, quite divine,
Stopping to see my face smiling at me,
For this is my life and my time,
What an arduous task, it proves such a feat to be only one of a kind,
Through the scenery slips through the spaces we meet,
Press forward and leave me behind,
What a child you are, for you look just like me,
Looking out for number one, I'm all that I have and all that I see,
Saved by the grace of the Son,
So shall we deny?
And rot as we die?
As I write a book about me,
My noble wealth of serving myself,
I am so selfish it's funny."

"You will never really go
You'll just think about it much but you'll need to know how the story ends,
so you'll sit around, even though you should just go
Tell your friends what you have heard, show them all the lies unlearned
And when you really go, you will really know you were never meant for earth
What's it worth?
If we're going to break it down with any logic, it's absurd

And no matter where we go, we are not alone
When the silence turns to cries of "Why?"
What a way to begin, we inherit sin"

Maybe I need a bit more humility.

Conflicting messages...overloaded pain receptors and the feelings of reality cracking along the path it had created.

Wow.

What next?

Sleep.

Maybe again.

I've tried watching House...but it just isn't entertaining anymore.
Maybe it's because I've spent so much fruitless time in hospitals...or being told I need a real life version of him to diagnose my issues.

Reality is a bit too cruel at times.

"I went out walking through streets paved with gold
Lifted some stones
Saw the skin and bones of a city without a soul
I went out walking under an atomic sky
Where the ground won't turn and the rain
It burns like the tears when I said goodbye"

Roses and Towers

Well one book left.

You know I don't like to argue but unless this book is an utter bomb then I have to disagree with your thoughts about the series being ho-hum.

Maybe I just get excited too easily but 'wow' is all I can say.

I'm sad because the book series is almost ending...and also because I am realizing that story telling isn't one of my primary gifts. It's there...and you're right I need to work on it...but at the same time like music it wasn't why I was put here. Two things I love with an endless obsession but not my chief reason for being.

I think we really know what that is all about.

Hrmm.

What is the expression?

'Long days and pleasant nights?'

Eh that will do for now.