Mixture of things.

Hi.

Hi.

I hate these feelings...of lack of control...these blind impulses them seem to guide and dictate my actions...there is nobility in them...somewhere but I find it harder to see.

I just want to do the right thing by God's and Love's sake...it's a pity I'm so blind without my glasses that I do not see the truth when it is just within grasp.

Am I...sad?
No that is not it.
Disappointment...followed by uncertainty.

Certainly I cannot wait to feel better.
Leading to whatever this maybe may be.

I confuse myself by over thinking about over thinking.

Only two more Dark Tower novels left and then I'm free!

I can't tell if I'm feeling better or if the house of cards is getting ready to catch fire and explode.

High empathy levels mean that people make me sad. =/

"I just spent all morning watching a VH1 special on Gwen Stefani. I don't know what a Hollaback girl is. All I know is that I want her dead."
-Brian, Family Guy

Temporal loss of sanity...

So much for food.

Resonating Reasoning

It is moments of introspection...when I can pause for deep inward focus reflection that I just have to question what it is I've been doing all these years...so many years it feels like.

Not that everything is bad mind you...I just feel so tightly wound up that I don't even know what is going on.

Then I stop to take a breath and realize how ridiculous life is, how improbable it is that any of us should even be here, remember how far I've managed to come and just have to be thankful I'm still alive.

There is no other moment than the now...unless of course you subscribe to quantum physics and in that case every moment exists simultaneously...and side by side in the ever increasingly bizarre expanding universe we have.

That aside...it's nice to breath.

I have no idea about why I do some of the stupid stuff I do...but for now it is just enough to be loved and to cherish this breath of oxygen.

I might even brave eating a little food.

Oxygen is nice...passing out not so nice.

"Hey, you with the pretty face
Welcome to the human race, a celebration
Mr. Blue Sky's up there waitin', and today
Is the day we've waited for, oh, oh, oh"

I see my future and it will involve Daft Punk, Stephen King and abdominal pain.

Which one of these three is not like the other?

The world is passing on...but I'm not going with it.

I haven't decided if this is a good or a bad thing.

It is not the end of the world...but it hurts bad enough that it...feels like it may be.

You know?

I'm about a dozen feet below rock bottom right now.

The Matrix Reloaded = nostalgia and reminders of how much I miss Mega City...Nin never got to shoot at the Merv...a pity...

Why yes I do want a fatal illness plushie...

http://news.aol.com/article/cdc-gift-shop-sells-swine-flu-toy/652552

So much for getting out of the house and seeing a best friend. =/
Crikey...I'm hurting so much I've cried...this is getting ridiculous.

I'm really starting to hate this useless and sick body.

Why?

Seriously...why?

Exhausted but cannot sleep.

The Odyssey Made Easy

http://geocities.com/organisedchaosau/OdysseusNostos.html