Yeah...I now have "Nightswimming" by REM stuck in my head.
I wish it could be a more quite night...I'm stuck in the lobby trying to do homework while about two dozen guys run about acting like idiots.
I like having friends visit but I need to do work and...well...it's either this or Waffle House and I'll die before giving up my amazing parking spot.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Quote of the Day:
“To the frivolous, Christianity is certainly not glad tidings, for it wishes first of all to make them serious.”
-Soren Kierkegaard
-Soren Kierkegaard
Friday, January 29, 2010
Quote of the Day:
"What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff — I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I'd do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be. I know it's crazy."
-Holden Caulfield
-Holden Caulfield
Dichotomic Exchange
I need to feel hope,
I need to breath it in like oxygen
and drink it in like water.
I need to feel it in my bones like heat
and while my heart falls in flutters.
I need it coursing through my veins
replacing the bad blood.
Pushing out every reminder
of the person I was
and reflecting the hope to come.
Playing as music floating across the waters
while waiting here on the eastern shore,
eyes fixated to the west
hoping there is more beyond this eternal sea.
I need to breath it in like oxygen
and drink it in like water.
I need to feel it in my bones like heat
and while my heart falls in flutters.
I need it coursing through my veins
replacing the bad blood.
Pushing out every reminder
of the person I was
and reflecting the hope to come.
Playing as music floating across the waters
while waiting here on the eastern shore,
eyes fixated to the west
hoping there is more beyond this eternal sea.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Minor panic attack is almost over.
Breathing again.
Whatever will be, will be.
I just have to focus on taking care of the foremost task in front of me right now.
I can do nothing but control my actions in the now and making amends for mistakes as possible.
I cannot, will not and shall not fail at choosing to press forward no matter how dark things seem and impossible they are.
I was born to live and live I shall, no matter the deep of night and fear of light I posses.
Breathing again.
Whatever will be, will be.
I just have to focus on taking care of the foremost task in front of me right now.
I can do nothing but control my actions in the now and making amends for mistakes as possible.
I cannot, will not and shall not fail at choosing to press forward no matter how dark things seem and impossible they are.
I was born to live and live I shall, no matter the deep of night and fear of light I posses.
Quote of the Day:
"Why blame the dark for being dark? It is far more helpful to ask why the light isn’t as bright as it could be."
—Rob Bell
—Rob Bell
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
New Testament Outline - Matthew
Chapter Three - Matthew
I. Contents
-Disagreements over the structure of this gospel arise because there are so many overlapping and competing structural pointers that it appears impossible to establish a consensus on their relative importance.
Three theories to explain and to organize break down the book of Matthew:
1.Some have detected a geographic framework that is related to Mark's gospel.
-This analysis reflects the broad chronological development of Jesus' ministry and preserves some geographic distinction, but it is based on a selection of thematic considerations and does not reflect the literary markers that Matthew has left us.
Weakness:
-Because of the ease of recreating this with the other gospels it does not provide an adequate means for seeing the distinct characteristics of the Matthew gospel.
2.Three large sections, tightly tied to Christological development.
A."The Person of Jesus Messiah" (1:1-4:16)
B."The Proclamation of Jesus Messiah" (4:17-16:20)
C."The Suffering, Death and Resurrection of Jesus Messiah" (16:21-28:20)
-After the two breaks come the decisive words "from that time on" signaling a progress in the plot.
-The Last two of the three sections each contain three summary passages (4:23-25; 9:35; 11:1; and 16:21; 17:22-23; 20:17-19)
Weakness:
-The "from that time on" is not necessarily redactionally important for Matthew that his entire structure hinges on it. It is used in Matthew 26:16 with no break in the flow of the narrative.
-One could possibly argue that there are four passion summaries in the third section, not three (By adding 26:2)
-At both structural transitions he could have been more influenced by following the writings of Mark than by other considerations.
-The outline breaks up the important Peter passage in Matthew 16 in an unacceptable way.
-The christological development is not as clear as alleged: the person of Jesus (section 1) is still a focal point in sections 2 and 3 (e.g. 16:13-16; 22:41-46); the proclamation of Jesus can scarcely be restricted to section 2, for two of the discourses (chapters 18, 24-25) and several important exchanges (chapters 21-23) are reserved for the third section.
3.The most frequently proposed structures turn on the observations that Matthew presents five discourses, each beginning in a specific context and ends with a formula found nowhere else.
1.Discipleship (narrative, chaps.3-4; discourse, chaps.5-7)
2.Apostleship (narrative, 8-9; discourse, 10)
3.The Hiding of the Revelation (narrative, 11-12; discourse, 13)
4.Church Administration (narrative, 14-17; discourse, 18)
5.Judgment (narrative, 19-22; discourse, 23-25)
-With Matthew 1-2 acts as a preamble and 26-28 as an epilogue.
-The weakness of this outline is that it is presupposed that the five part outline was supposed to be a
A Seven Part Outline:
1.The prologue (1:1-2:23)
2.The Gospel of the Kingdom (3:1-7:29)
3.The Kingdom Extended under Jesus’ authority (8:1-11:1)
4.Teaching and Preaching the gospel of the kingdom: rising opposition (11:2-13:53)
5.The glory and the shadow: progressive polarization (13:54-19:2)
6.Opposition and eschatology: the triumph of grace (19:3-26:5)
7.The passion and resurrection of Jesus (26:6-28:20)
II. The Author
-Although the author of the gospel is not named within the text like the Pauline letters, a strong tradition holds that the apostle Matthew is the author.
-There is no evidence that any of the canonical gospels ever circulated without an appropriate designation.
-Until recently most scholars assumed that the four gospels circulated anonymously and that the present tiles were not attached until around A.D.125. This had simply been an educated guess based upon the presupposition that the gospels themselves were entirely anonymous and on the fact that by about 140 (or earlier) the traditional attributions were widely known without signification variations.
-Martin Hengel has examined the practice of book distribution in the ancient worlds and titles were necessary to identify a work to which any reference was made.
-Tertullian's criticism was because of Marcion for publishing his own gospel (which was a highly truncated version of Luke) without the author's name.
-As soon as two or more of the gospels were read in a church setting than it would have been necessary to distinguish between them by the use of a title.
-It is inconceivable that the gospels could have circulated anonymously for up to sixty years, and then in the second century suddenly display a unanimous attribution to certain authors.
Several issues in the modern contemporary debate over the author:
1. Only this gospel refers to “Matthew the tax collector” (10:3). This can be viewed as a sort of self deprecation to the work of which he was apart of before he followed Jesus.
2. In Mark 2:14 and Luke 5:27 the man whom Jesus calls from his role as a tax collector is identified as Levi. The most economical explanation is that “Matthew” and “Levi” are alternative Semitic names for one person.
3.The assumption that Matthew was a tax collector and was author of the gospel helps to make sense of some details (depiction of financial transactions and a fluency of Aramaic and Greek.)
III. Provenance
-Regardless of the stance of whether one holds that Matthew was written by an individual or a group within a school of thought they must hazard a guess as to its geographical origin.
-Because the church fathers held the work to be written first in Aramaic they presumed it to have been written in Palestine.
-Modern scholars mostly hold to Syria being the place of origin because of Palestine being mostly destroyed by about 70AD.
-It is impossible to be certain of the exact geographical provenance of the gospel but nothing of important textual wise hangs upon this.
IV. Date
-There is much debate and argument over the dating of the gospel but a balanced look at the evidence suggests that Matthew was written shortly before 70AD.
V. Destination
Possible intended audiences:
1.Believers in his own area or flock.
2.Because of the predominate exposition of Jewish themes it is possible he had a certain audience in mind rather than a particular location.
3.There also exists the possibility it was intended to be read by all Christians in all locations.
VI. Purpose
-Because the theme of Matthew is not directly stated in the gospel all attempts at delineating are merely conjectures drawn from the themes and how certain topics are treated.
Major Presented Themes:
1. Jesus is the promised Messiah, Son of David, Son of God, the Son of Man, Immanuel and the one to whom the Old Testament points to.
2. Many Jews, especially the leaders, failed to recognize Jesus as such during his ministry.
3. That the promised ‘Kingdom of God’ has already dawned and has been brought about by the life, death, resurrection and exaltation of Jesus.
4. This Kingdom is both compromised of and continued by both believing Jews and Gentiles that have submitted to the authority of Jesus. The wholehearted embracing of Jesus’ teaching of demonstrating love is the witness to the world of this kingdom.
5. This messianic reign is not only the fulfillment of Old Testament hope but the foretaste of the kingdom that will dawn when Jesus the Messiah personally returns.
VII. Text
-The major textual difficulty with Matthew is the same variation issues that contribute to the synoptic problem. (12:47, 16:2-3, 18:10-11)
VIII. Adoption into the Canon
-The Gospel of Matthew was universally received as soon as it was published and continued to be the most frequently cited gospel for centuries.
-As far as known the book never caused division between the Eastern and Western churches such as the letters to the Hebrews did.
IX. Matthew in Recent Studies
-Until recently the Gospel of Matthew was largely ignored by most commentators.
-The most recent and reliable studies attempt to temper traditional historical criticism with a greater literary sensitivity to result in a more holistic reading of Matthew.
X. The Contribution of Matthew
-Because of the close relation that the Synoptic gospels share any contribution made by one gospel must be evaluated in the light of the others.
Six unique contributions of Matthew are:
1. Preserves large blocks of Jesus’ teaching.
-The Sermon on the Mount
-Numerous parables
-The eschatological discourse
2. Complements the other gospels.
-Joseph’s account of the virginal conception of Jesus that contrasts with Luke’s gospel which gives Mary’s perspective.
-Elaborates on the birth narrative in ways the other gospels do not by including the visit of the magi and the flight into Egypt.
3. A complex and rich use of the Old Testament
-The number of Old Testament quotations (fourteen) used to show the link between the old and new covenants which results in a very strong Christological reading of the Old Testament.
4. Treatment of the Old Testament law
-Shows that Jesus came to fulfill the law (5:17)
5. Holds the foundation of what the early church became.
-The debate of the relation between Israel and the church.
6. Percuilar shadings of Jesus character by the use of titles and names
-Associates the title of “Son of David” with Jesus’ healing ministry.
-In referring to Jesus Immanuel, “God is with us” (1:23)
I. Contents
-Disagreements over the structure of this gospel arise because there are so many overlapping and competing structural pointers that it appears impossible to establish a consensus on their relative importance.
Three theories to explain and to organize break down the book of Matthew:
1.Some have detected a geographic framework that is related to Mark's gospel.
-This analysis reflects the broad chronological development of Jesus' ministry and preserves some geographic distinction, but it is based on a selection of thematic considerations and does not reflect the literary markers that Matthew has left us.
Weakness:
-Because of the ease of recreating this with the other gospels it does not provide an adequate means for seeing the distinct characteristics of the Matthew gospel.
2.Three large sections, tightly tied to Christological development.
A."The Person of Jesus Messiah" (1:1-4:16)
B."The Proclamation of Jesus Messiah" (4:17-16:20)
C."The Suffering, Death and Resurrection of Jesus Messiah" (16:21-28:20)
-After the two breaks come the decisive words "from that time on" signaling a progress in the plot.
-The Last two of the three sections each contain three summary passages (4:23-25; 9:35; 11:1; and 16:21; 17:22-23; 20:17-19)
Weakness:
-The "from that time on" is not necessarily redactionally important for Matthew that his entire structure hinges on it. It is used in Matthew 26:16 with no break in the flow of the narrative.
-One could possibly argue that there are four passion summaries in the third section, not three (By adding 26:2)
-At both structural transitions he could have been more influenced by following the writings of Mark than by other considerations.
-The outline breaks up the important Peter passage in Matthew 16 in an unacceptable way.
-The christological development is not as clear as alleged: the person of Jesus (section 1) is still a focal point in sections 2 and 3 (e.g. 16:13-16; 22:41-46); the proclamation of Jesus can scarcely be restricted to section 2, for two of the discourses (chapters 18, 24-25) and several important exchanges (chapters 21-23) are reserved for the third section.
3.The most frequently proposed structures turn on the observations that Matthew presents five discourses, each beginning in a specific context and ends with a formula found nowhere else.
1.Discipleship (narrative, chaps.3-4; discourse, chaps.5-7)
2.Apostleship (narrative, 8-9; discourse, 10)
3.The Hiding of the Revelation (narrative, 11-12; discourse, 13)
4.Church Administration (narrative, 14-17; discourse, 18)
5.Judgment (narrative, 19-22; discourse, 23-25)
-With Matthew 1-2 acts as a preamble and 26-28 as an epilogue.
-The weakness of this outline is that it is presupposed that the five part outline was supposed to be a
A Seven Part Outline:
1.The prologue (1:1-2:23)
2.The Gospel of the Kingdom (3:1-7:29)
3.The Kingdom Extended under Jesus’ authority (8:1-11:1)
4.Teaching and Preaching the gospel of the kingdom: rising opposition (11:2-13:53)
5.The glory and the shadow: progressive polarization (13:54-19:2)
6.Opposition and eschatology: the triumph of grace (19:3-26:5)
7.The passion and resurrection of Jesus (26:6-28:20)
II. The Author
-Although the author of the gospel is not named within the text like the Pauline letters, a strong tradition holds that the apostle Matthew is the author.
-There is no evidence that any of the canonical gospels ever circulated without an appropriate designation.
-Until recently most scholars assumed that the four gospels circulated anonymously and that the present tiles were not attached until around A.D.125. This had simply been an educated guess based upon the presupposition that the gospels themselves were entirely anonymous and on the fact that by about 140 (or earlier) the traditional attributions were widely known without signification variations.
-Martin Hengel has examined the practice of book distribution in the ancient worlds and titles were necessary to identify a work to which any reference was made.
-Tertullian's criticism was because of Marcion for publishing his own gospel (which was a highly truncated version of Luke) without the author's name.
-As soon as two or more of the gospels were read in a church setting than it would have been necessary to distinguish between them by the use of a title.
-It is inconceivable that the gospels could have circulated anonymously for up to sixty years, and then in the second century suddenly display a unanimous attribution to certain authors.
Several issues in the modern contemporary debate over the author:
1. Only this gospel refers to “Matthew the tax collector” (10:3). This can be viewed as a sort of self deprecation to the work of which he was apart of before he followed Jesus.
2. In Mark 2:14 and Luke 5:27 the man whom Jesus calls from his role as a tax collector is identified as Levi. The most economical explanation is that “Matthew” and “Levi” are alternative Semitic names for one person.
3.The assumption that Matthew was a tax collector and was author of the gospel helps to make sense of some details (depiction of financial transactions and a fluency of Aramaic and Greek.)
III. Provenance
-Regardless of the stance of whether one holds that Matthew was written by an individual or a group within a school of thought they must hazard a guess as to its geographical origin.
-Because the church fathers held the work to be written first in Aramaic they presumed it to have been written in Palestine.
-Modern scholars mostly hold to Syria being the place of origin because of Palestine being mostly destroyed by about 70AD.
-It is impossible to be certain of the exact geographical provenance of the gospel but nothing of important textual wise hangs upon this.
IV. Date
-There is much debate and argument over the dating of the gospel but a balanced look at the evidence suggests that Matthew was written shortly before 70AD.
V. Destination
Possible intended audiences:
1.Believers in his own area or flock.
2.Because of the predominate exposition of Jewish themes it is possible he had a certain audience in mind rather than a particular location.
3.There also exists the possibility it was intended to be read by all Christians in all locations.
VI. Purpose
-Because the theme of Matthew is not directly stated in the gospel all attempts at delineating are merely conjectures drawn from the themes and how certain topics are treated.
Major Presented Themes:
1. Jesus is the promised Messiah, Son of David, Son of God, the Son of Man, Immanuel and the one to whom the Old Testament points to.
2. Many Jews, especially the leaders, failed to recognize Jesus as such during his ministry.
3. That the promised ‘Kingdom of God’ has already dawned and has been brought about by the life, death, resurrection and exaltation of Jesus.
4. This Kingdom is both compromised of and continued by both believing Jews and Gentiles that have submitted to the authority of Jesus. The wholehearted embracing of Jesus’ teaching of demonstrating love is the witness to the world of this kingdom.
5. This messianic reign is not only the fulfillment of Old Testament hope but the foretaste of the kingdom that will dawn when Jesus the Messiah personally returns.
VII. Text
-The major textual difficulty with Matthew is the same variation issues that contribute to the synoptic problem. (12:47, 16:2-3, 18:10-11)
VIII. Adoption into the Canon
-The Gospel of Matthew was universally received as soon as it was published and continued to be the most frequently cited gospel for centuries.
-As far as known the book never caused division between the Eastern and Western churches such as the letters to the Hebrews did.
IX. Matthew in Recent Studies
-Until recently the Gospel of Matthew was largely ignored by most commentators.
-The most recent and reliable studies attempt to temper traditional historical criticism with a greater literary sensitivity to result in a more holistic reading of Matthew.
X. The Contribution of Matthew
-Because of the close relation that the Synoptic gospels share any contribution made by one gospel must be evaluated in the light of the others.
Six unique contributions of Matthew are:
1. Preserves large blocks of Jesus’ teaching.
-The Sermon on the Mount
-Numerous parables
-The eschatological discourse
2. Complements the other gospels.
-Joseph’s account of the virginal conception of Jesus that contrasts with Luke’s gospel which gives Mary’s perspective.
-Elaborates on the birth narrative in ways the other gospels do not by including the visit of the magi and the flight into Egypt.
3. A complex and rich use of the Old Testament
-The number of Old Testament quotations (fourteen) used to show the link between the old and new covenants which results in a very strong Christological reading of the Old Testament.
4. Treatment of the Old Testament law
-Shows that Jesus came to fulfill the law (5:17)
5. Holds the foundation of what the early church became.
-The debate of the relation between Israel and the church.
6. Percuilar shadings of Jesus character by the use of titles and names
-Associates the title of “Son of David” with Jesus’ healing ministry.
-In referring to Jesus Immanuel, “God is with us” (1:23)
Quote of the Day:
"The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was obviously a poet; the first to repeat it was possibly an idiot."
-Salvador Dalí
-Salvador Dalí
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Quote of the Day:
"I know the night is not the same as the day: that all things are different, that the things of the night cannot be explained in the day, because they do not then exist, and the night can be a dreadful time for lonely people once their loneliness has started."
-Ernest Hemingway
-Ernest Hemingway
Monday, January 25, 2010
A Momentary Standstill
I wish I was better at dealing with these...awkward situations better...I never have the words, I never know what to say or do...
This isn't the end of the world...but why am I sulking like it is? Or like Jesus took away my favorite cookie?
Love...love...love...isn't it supposed to be the answer?
A way of covering over a multitude of sins?
I don't even know who I am much less who You are Lord...how am I supposed to help solve these problems?
I need to finish homework now but it's so freaking hard to focus...there is too much going on and it is so much easier to focus on the things that are wrong then it is to be responsible enough to take care of myself or school things...ack...
This isn't the end of the world...but why am I sulking like it is? Or like Jesus took away my favorite cookie?
Love...love...love...isn't it supposed to be the answer?
A way of covering over a multitude of sins?
I don't even know who I am much less who You are Lord...how am I supposed to help solve these problems?
I need to finish homework now but it's so freaking hard to focus...there is too much going on and it is so much easier to focus on the things that are wrong then it is to be responsible enough to take care of myself or school things...ack...
Reasonable Increasing Increments
All of the burning inside my mind
and the circular resonances
of life passing through my soul
is making an unexpected turn towards light.
Simple joys of conversation
and drinks of water in the sun
are making the days brighter indeed.
and the circular resonances
of life passing through my soul
is making an unexpected turn towards light.
Simple joys of conversation
and drinks of water in the sun
are making the days brighter indeed.
Quote of the Day:
"What do people mean when they say, "I am not afraid of God because I know He is good?" Have they never even been to a dentist?""
-C.S. Lewis
-C.S. Lewis
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Things to do 1-24-2010:
General:
(X)-Apologize for missing call and church
Game related:
(X)-Make post for Watchmen forum
(X)-Get stuff ready for Deadlands game tonight
School:
()-Memorize verses for Tuesday Theology
(x)-Do reading for Hermeneutics and Theology for Tuesday
(x)-Make prep outline for Thursday class discussion in New Testament
(X)-Apologize for missing call and church
Game related:
(X)-Make post for Watchmen forum
(X)-Get stuff ready for Deadlands game tonight
School:
()-Memorize verses for Tuesday Theology
(x)-Do reading for Hermeneutics and Theology for Tuesday
(x)-Make prep outline for Thursday class discussion in New Testament
Sunday morning, how I dislike you.
Coming so early and attacking me with odd symptoms.
I hate that I overslept and miss the ride to church...there will be more chances and thankfully this was just the first time I've missed a possible church service. I hate how it sounds like I think of church as being nothing more than an obligation...because I honestly miss being involved as part of a family...it's just so many churches are less of families and more of a preying ground...uh no pun intended.
I'm working on killing my cynicism...I've never stopped the ministry work regardless of where I am...just because I don't openly preach at people doesn't mean that the gospel isn't being spread...if actions cannot show the validity of Jesus' love than no amount of words ever will. Actions are a better love letter than speaking until I am blue in the face...
I mean, the idea behind church is supposed to be this group of believers who realize the importance of the gospel and have been changed by the love of God...when a person mostly deals with people who are more focused on worshiping religion than learning how to love God and others...it can make for a frustrating and lonely experience.
But...life moves on...I think the most important thing is learning from the experience and not allowing the negative to control me...it's so easy to let myself shut down when I am hurt...even when it is joking jabs, if I don't trust the person or have been hurt I can just shut down and become a robot.
There is such a huge gap for misunderstanding that the fact Christianity has thrived for nearly two thousand years is part of the miracle...
Coming so early and attacking me with odd symptoms.
I hate that I overslept and miss the ride to church...there will be more chances and thankfully this was just the first time I've missed a possible church service. I hate how it sounds like I think of church as being nothing more than an obligation...because I honestly miss being involved as part of a family...it's just so many churches are less of families and more of a preying ground...uh no pun intended.
I'm working on killing my cynicism...I've never stopped the ministry work regardless of where I am...just because I don't openly preach at people doesn't mean that the gospel isn't being spread...if actions cannot show the validity of Jesus' love than no amount of words ever will. Actions are a better love letter than speaking until I am blue in the face...
I mean, the idea behind church is supposed to be this group of believers who realize the importance of the gospel and have been changed by the love of God...when a person mostly deals with people who are more focused on worshiping religion than learning how to love God and others...it can make for a frustrating and lonely experience.
But...life moves on...I think the most important thing is learning from the experience and not allowing the negative to control me...it's so easy to let myself shut down when I am hurt...even when it is joking jabs, if I don't trust the person or have been hurt I can just shut down and become a robot.
There is such a huge gap for misunderstanding that the fact Christianity has thrived for nearly two thousand years is part of the miracle...
Saturday, January 23, 2010
"A Grief Observed" - A Review, of Sorts
So I read C.S. Lewis' "A Grief Observed" in one sitting today. The only other book I have done that with in recent memory was Elie Wiesel's "Night".
I suppose there is enough common threads between the two for that to make sense...raw and undiluted visions of what it means to suffer, to loose one's world and to question God, to raise the questions shouted when it becomes darkest.
I've never seen such profound lost over love expressed in something that was real...there are so much romantic nonsense and Hollywood embellishments on the subject of love that to actually find such a sincere ache at having lost something so beautiful...it's like drinking frigid water...it quenches the thirst but more importantly awakens the soul to the arid environment that is so deprived of any semblance of understanding love.
I thought I possibly might have understood love but if love is this deep, this profound and so all consuming that to loose it is to loose yourself...than I have profoundly lied to those closest to me.
This is something...so profound, so beautiful and so disturbing at the same time. The majority of people must never love like this or marriage would be so much more respected and revered...as to opposed to being a meaningless laughingstock to most.
In a lot of ways I have sacrificed personal relationships out of fear...it's easier to think you love someone as infinite as God when you have no finite benchmark...instead all I have really been doing is running since I could choose to.
I want to know what it means to really love people...because I am afraid I've never really done that...I have a bad habit of running from most people once they reached certain level of closeness...and I have a developed habit that I have groomed for getting myself into utterly asinine situations.
Apathy is never a solution...but giving access to my inner most thoughts to...well even this blog...it's almost like it can act as a means of misdirections. "Yes, look at this horrible detail of my life so you will NOT see the big picture and the rampant hypocrisy that guides my every breath!"
So many questions...he asked so many questions in the book...none I have answers for. Most pressing are the ones concerning love and about what happens when one dies...what truly happens...answers nowhere to be found in the Bible or on this world.
I am forced to agree with Lewis' assertion that it is with a knowing and sympathetic ear God listens to this plea to know...but ultimately we can't process or understand it. These things are so much bigger...and powerful...
...sigh...I have so much more to think and write about but I must sleep...I'm getting myself worked into a hole of wanting isolation and to be away from people but the morning is early and there is church...so I'll be leaving this with a quote from the book.
** ** ** ** **
"The terrible thing is that a perfectly good God is in this matter hardly less formidable than a Cosmic Sadist. The more we believe that God hurts only to heal, the less we can believe that there is any use in begging for tenderness. A cruel man might be bribed - might grow tired of his vile sport - might have a temporary fit of mercy, as alcoholics have fits of sobriety.
But supposed that what you are up against is a surgeon whose intentions are wholly good. The kinder and more conscientious he is, the more inexorably he will go on cutting. If he yielded to your entreaties, if he stopped before the operation was complete, all the pain to that point would have been useless. But is it credible that such extremities of torture should be necessary for us? Well, take you choice. The tortures occur. If they are unnecessary, then there is no God or a bad one. If there is a good God, then these tortures are necessary. For no moderately good Being could possibly inflict or permit them if they weren't.
Either way, we're for it.
What do people mean when they say, "I am not afraid of God because I know He is good?" Have they never even been to a dentist?"
I suppose there is enough common threads between the two for that to make sense...raw and undiluted visions of what it means to suffer, to loose one's world and to question God, to raise the questions shouted when it becomes darkest.
I've never seen such profound lost over love expressed in something that was real...there are so much romantic nonsense and Hollywood embellishments on the subject of love that to actually find such a sincere ache at having lost something so beautiful...it's like drinking frigid water...it quenches the thirst but more importantly awakens the soul to the arid environment that is so deprived of any semblance of understanding love.
I thought I possibly might have understood love but if love is this deep, this profound and so all consuming that to loose it is to loose yourself...than I have profoundly lied to those closest to me.
This is something...so profound, so beautiful and so disturbing at the same time. The majority of people must never love like this or marriage would be so much more respected and revered...as to opposed to being a meaningless laughingstock to most.
In a lot of ways I have sacrificed personal relationships out of fear...it's easier to think you love someone as infinite as God when you have no finite benchmark...instead all I have really been doing is running since I could choose to.
I want to know what it means to really love people...because I am afraid I've never really done that...I have a bad habit of running from most people once they reached certain level of closeness...and I have a developed habit that I have groomed for getting myself into utterly asinine situations.
Apathy is never a solution...but giving access to my inner most thoughts to...well even this blog...it's almost like it can act as a means of misdirections. "Yes, look at this horrible detail of my life so you will NOT see the big picture and the rampant hypocrisy that guides my every breath!"
So many questions...he asked so many questions in the book...none I have answers for. Most pressing are the ones concerning love and about what happens when one dies...what truly happens...answers nowhere to be found in the Bible or on this world.
I am forced to agree with Lewis' assertion that it is with a knowing and sympathetic ear God listens to this plea to know...but ultimately we can't process or understand it. These things are so much bigger...and powerful...
...sigh...I have so much more to think and write about but I must sleep...I'm getting myself worked into a hole of wanting isolation and to be away from people but the morning is early and there is church...so I'll be leaving this with a quote from the book.
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"The terrible thing is that a perfectly good God is in this matter hardly less formidable than a Cosmic Sadist. The more we believe that God hurts only to heal, the less we can believe that there is any use in begging for tenderness. A cruel man might be bribed - might grow tired of his vile sport - might have a temporary fit of mercy, as alcoholics have fits of sobriety.
But supposed that what you are up against is a surgeon whose intentions are wholly good. The kinder and more conscientious he is, the more inexorably he will go on cutting. If he yielded to your entreaties, if he stopped before the operation was complete, all the pain to that point would have been useless. But is it credible that such extremities of torture should be necessary for us? Well, take you choice. The tortures occur. If they are unnecessary, then there is no God or a bad one. If there is a good God, then these tortures are necessary. For no moderately good Being could possibly inflict or permit them if they weren't.
Either way, we're for it.
What do people mean when they say, "I am not afraid of God because I know He is good?" Have they never even been to a dentist?"
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