The Misadentures of One Princess Christine - Outline

Note to self: Since I was stupid enough to forget to upload this earlier...I'm stuck without a way to be able to edit and add...so this is a continuation of a story with no beginning...but to give the general idea...

-Princess Christine is a, wait for it, princess in the kingdom of Lahdehrah.
-She gets bored of the royal life and of her father pressuring her into arranged marriages so she waits until night and escapes.
-Upon escaping she finds her way to the local village and its tavern.
-Hijinks ensue and has no money to pay for her drinks.
-She is approached by a rather fugly man and a rather dashing but slightly incompetent swashbuckling mage named Nelvin comes to the rescue.
-The fugly man and Nelvin go at it and Nelvin prevails long enough to have a glass bottle smashed over his head.
-Senior Fugly and his cohorts take Christine and Nelvin, bind them up and carry them off with the hopes of selling them into slavery.
-Through a series of yet to be determined disasters combined with Nelvin's bravo they manage to break free...but the duo find themselves in an unfamiliar area (possibly called The Rounds...a sort of dirty, quasi industrial area with an active slave trade as well as an arena for gladiator battles).
-Stuff happens in the city...maybe stuff like them getting lost, running from Fugly and his men, Nelvin somehow accidentally ending up in a Tournament of Arms and confesses to Christine that he isn't a swordsman or mage of noble birth like he had claimed but he is a mere squire whose Knight Mage had died leaving him with no patron. Christine kisses him and tells of her royalty. Nelvin freaks out and falls on a knee before her apologizing and she essentially has to slap some sense into him and just tells him to do his best to not die.
-Of course by a 'royal' fluke Nelvin ends up winning the entire tournament getting them enough gold to be able to travel and begin to find their way back to the kingdom.

-I would like to include a dragon at some point.
-Elves wouldn't be bad, maybe halflings and dwarves as well. Fairies rock too.
-At least one more tavern brawl.
-Possibly a lead up to where they will be getting married but in the end of the story some crazy plot twist where it gets delayed...an invading army led by an enraged Fugly and some bandits or something?

Die Apology Die!

Three-Oh-One

All of these thoughts
I've bled for you.
Every sick scrape,
every cut of my flesh
is this sin for you.
This dark colored robe
I just wear draped,
I wear this sin just for you.

Here I scream.
This darkness closing in,
the fading sun a lost friend.
Every half truth,
every lost lie within.
Myself faker then these trends,
crucified to your name.
Blood soaked wood and nails my only reminder,
of the hate born inside this dream.

Red soaked sunlight soaks this sky.
Fading into the dark as this day ends.
Selfish as only I, I beg to die.
To just take on another useless trend.
I scream your name on these broken knees,
Is there ever a happy end?
Will we ever win?

Here I cry.
This darkness closing in,
the fading sun a lost friend.
Every half truth,
every lost lie my dear sin.
Myself faker then these trends,
crucified to your name.
Blood soaked wood and nails my only reminder,
of the hate born inside, but dear God I will try.

Every spent drop of blood,
every glass of wine.
All the torn skin,
born into bread.
You crucified.
And oh God of my life,
wrapped in love and held me.
Strife and the dead are mine.
But I am yours.

Post Three Hundred of the Year!

...I just don't have much to report.

Just kinda sick...kinda tired and have an odd taste in my mouth from the meds.

Life moves on and on and on...

Yeah.

Witty and funny, come back!!

I think I am actually about to be able to fall asleep...

Hooray for breakfast pizza!

...but in hindsight this may kill my stomach. >_<

My cat snores from time to time...well it's more of a wheeze...but it is still odd all the same.

Still haven't slept...*sigh*...

Daddy...this has been one long night. Please stay with them tonight and hold them close.

I'm...I have no clue who Matthew is...I just know I am needy and in need of you. Please hold me closer and whisper in my ear one more time about how much you love me. Please tell me again how much you desire my presence, how you can take these blood soaked clothes and trade them for something new...something clean.

Daddy, I love you. I need you so much.

It's safe to say that now I feel worse then I did before.

A Frantic Prayer

Jesus...Jesus...I'm alone in this world and fucked up world it is too.
Tell me. Tell me the story.
The one about eternity...and the way it's all going to be.
Wake up.
Wake up dead man.
Wake up.
Wake up dead man.

Jesus, I'm waiting here boss
I know you're looking out for us
But maybe your hands aren't free
Your father,
he made the world in seven.
He's in charge of heaven,
could you put a word in for me?

-U2, 'Wake Up Dead Man'


You can see through me right now. They are asking me to pray, asking me to be something I am not. I've pranced along the way pretending I'm somehow a man of God when I am nothing but a sinning shame.

This is a damn shame.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry for this paper thin faith that can't even believe ion you strong enough for me to crawl out of this depressed self indulgent hole. I was thinking about music, boy time for the band! Fucking actual demons possible running around and what do I think...hey, music ministry!

Pure genius.

Can you please forgive me for being so stagnant, so hollow, so apathetic and so self absorbed?

I want to be sorry, sorry for having such a fake faith, such an apathetic view on life and having no concern for others and salvation.

I'm scared to prayer, I'm scared to do anythign but sit in here self indulging my ever whim and desire.

Could you please wash their family in your Spirit and in your peace? Would you please move in the only way that you can? Would you please, for your own sake, for being adherent to your own word, honor the prayers and faith of all of those begging for freedom for this soul?

What do i do now? I can't prayer on my knees because I'm so easily distracted...I'm so uncaring. I can act all cool, give answers and look good in a Bible study but when the shit breaks loose...I'm loss for words...I have no comfort to offer.

If there was anyone worthy of your holy and horrifying wrath it would be those hypocritical leaders like me. Wolves in sheep skin acting as if to care about your flock and only doing enough to ensure people are damned to Hell.

Yeah, that is beautiful isn't it?

My mind...my body...my soul...it is all sick and it is all exhausted...and you know what? I don't care. I say bring on the pain, this is absolutely nothing compared to the rest of this fucked up world and the pain running through it.

All the pain, all this suffering and I do nothing, I do not even bother to pray.

Please forgive me for being the problem and for adding to it. Please forgive me for embracing myself instead of your word, your spirit and your love. Please see through these insufficient cries and hear me. Please listen and break this rotten and stone filled hot.

Hold me in your arms tightly and never let me go. Daddy, Father, I am so desperate to know you closer. Please, do something now. Please

Reveal yourself, please whisper in their ears of your love, please do something to stir the heart. Do not let this be the end, help the body to fight, to live, to no longer be addicted to this world.

Cast down these strongholds of sin, these mocking demons and let the captives be free by your blood.

Thank you for loving me through the long nights. Thank you for never leaving me Daddy. I love you so much.

I pray and beg this in Christ's name.
Amen.

Goodbye today.
Hello tomorrow.
Maybe today's crap will stay here,
and you tomorrow will be new.

Thoughts and their processes...

...begin and respond.

Action followed quickly by reaction.

So far away.
So almost near,
but you are just as close.
Now if ever.

I hate feeling so torn, so separated...these feelings of pain, depression, sickness and doubt.

Who I am hates who I have been and is afraid of who I will become.

It is so hard for me to will myself to do anything outside of self loathe.


I feel like I am something inexpressible.

I want so badly to be understood and just accepted as myself.

No more fights, no more convoluted thoughts.

Help. Me. Please?

Peace On Earth

Heaven on Earth, we need it now
I'm sick of all of this hanging around
Sick of sorrow, sick of the pain
I'm sick of hearing again and again
That there's gonna be peace on Earth

Where I grew up there weren't many trees
Where there was we'd tear them down
And use them on our enemies
They say that what you mock
Will surely overtake you
And you become a monster
So the monster will not break you

And it's already gone too far
Who said that if you go in hard
You won't get hurt

Jesus can you take the time
To throw a drowning man a line
Peace on Earth
Tell the ones who hear no sound
Whose sons are living in the ground
Peace on Earth
No whos or whys
No one cries like a mother cries
For peace on Earth
She never got to say goodbye
To see the color in his eyes
Now he's in the dirt
Peace on Earth

They're reading names out over the radio
All the folks the rest of us won't get to know
Sean and Julia, Gareth, Ann and Breda
Their lives are bigger than any big idea

Jesus can you take the time
To throw a drowning man a line
Peace on Earth
To tell the ones who hear no sound
Whose sons are living in the ground
Peace on Earth
Jesus sing a song you wrote
The words are sticking in my throat
Peace on Earth
Hear it every Christmas time
But hope and history won't rhyme
So what's it worth
This peace on Earth

Peace on Earth
Peace on Earth
Peace on Earth

-U2, "Peace on Earth"

Dearly Dearing Dance

Good night world.
Good night sky.
Good night lord.
Goodbye life.

These things run simply across the screen,
vain repetitions of a half baked lie.
Words flash incandescently by no real mean,
with nothing more than a half hearted try.
Colorful letters spelling out
as they caresses softly, grating these raw nerves.

The boy I am and the man I'll become are two different people.
The chasm of time stretches in endless miles,
the likes which seem to never end.
Willingly I bask in adoration I never earned,
desperate clawed attempts to find my way
as I strive to do nothing more then pretend.
This false salvation is what I only dare to try.

Good night dear stars.
Sleep well dear Love,
my heart in your hands.
Every last breath of my being is in You.
Every last thought of mine but a drop of Your ocean.
My being is in of and nothing more than You.

Ever pained breath,
desperate for life in this raging sea.
Every red eye,
pained by salty tears and promised lies.
Every burning ear,
conditioned to failure by damning hands.

The clay which you break and mold into beauty.
The beginnings of the greatest life never lived,
the start of a story which has never been told.
You embody the loveliness and hope we never knew we would need.

Goodnight.
Goodbye.
Dearest love of mine.
This plastic charade.
Goodbye and goodnight.
I will no longer miss you,
false smiles with pretense.
The beauty of the skin now scourged by knife
and scorched by flame.
A purity found only in the redemptive salvation of innocent blood.
The forgiveness brought and bought by something greater then me,
more then the lies I embrace as I stab you in the back.
More then I ever knew I needed.
This vain repetition I clutch too.

Goodnight, please keep me safe.
Goodbye, it is hard but I want to be free.
Goodnight, love please light my way.
Goodbye, never in ending but only in You.

Jesus...Jesus I need you so much.

I'm scared and I feel alone.

Things are so superficial around me...they are confusing and I just...I just need some kind of real rest, some kind of healing...some way of breaking out of this cycle of pain.

Do you love me as much as you promise?

Please do not let me self destruct.

Don't let me die here.
Don't let me die like this.
Please Daddy.

You know, I don't know if I'm scared and terrified of my sin because I know you know...or because I'm afraid others may find out and realize the absolute scumbag I am.

U2 - If God Will Send His Angels

I'm so inspired I might be sick.
Feeling your words like claws
I can't help but smile.
The insanity of it all.

Day 21

"Show your strength, God, so no one can miss it.
We are out singing the good news!"
-Psalm 21:13


I'm not exactly sure what to say or anything.

I want to experience you closer, I want to be closer to you and I would like to sing.

I just feel distant you know?

Kinda like how we can be closer but right now I'm just feeling so bad that it is hard to focus or concentrate.

I'm tired of being worried about nonsense and my hypocrisy...I just want to be clean, I want to be loved, I want to be yours.

I'm exhausted and feel ill.
Please help me to come back.

Ye gats I feel like I'm floating here.

I wish my body would stop freaking out long enough to realize that if it didn't freak out life would be much less of a headache.

Sleep now...please?