I'm so tired and feeling so expired that I just don't know what to say.

I am so tired of adults acting like childrean.

Here I go, once again.

...boy I could go for a nap right now.

Sick, yes sick.

Again.

Curse you sinuses, curse you I say.

"When I Remember" - Blindside

I really am the worse villain I could almost ever face.

On the flip side, I wouldn't mind seeing myself in plate mail swinging about an appropriately sized katana all while chasing off myself.

Realizing you are the beginning and end of every single one of your problems isn't the most reassuring thing in the world.

Novel Number Two: Begin Sequence...Now

Yes.

It has begun.

Another thirty days and another 50,000 words in a new rough draft.

Be afraid.

Be very afraid.

Lyrics From Another's Pen

I remember you. When I am wrapped in darkness, When the world closes her eyes, I remember you.

I think of resting with you, When you finally go to sleep, Meet me in the closet of my heart So that you may lay at my feet.

“Who is this?” they said to me that the wind and waves obey come, let’s hang him on a tree that his reign should pass away but here I am I say to you though you turn away, it is my will to love you for forevermore peace be still, peace be still

I ache for you, When my body cracks and I sigh When I am wrapped in darkness, When the world closes her eyes.

I think of you, When I breath, when I rise and I bow When time passes and when she stands still Then, there, here, now.

“Who is this?” they said to me that the wind and waves obey come, let’s hang him on a tree that his reign should pass away but here I am I say to you though you turn away, it is my will to love you for forevermore peace be still, peace be still

-Showbread, THE SKY (ALPHA)

There just HAS to be a poetic equivalent of speed metal. When I find it I shall die happy.




Is there anything more sound that is as annoyingly pretentious in such a beautiful way? I think not...

I hope it does not seem to dramatic of me...but I really wish this part of me was no more...or could just fade away.

Is this the right way? I sorta want to run screaming in the other direction...a little mixture of comfort and reassurance would rock right about now...

This burning dull sensation.

Hunger for life in its separate ways.

Sanitation inside acting out.

Day by Day burning cleaning sense.

Wow. My poetry depressingly sucks.

More To Go

It is just great. I can hide here in my self pity all the live long day. Neglecting others, neglecting self and rising another mile marker in the name of pride. Isn't it just wonderful, so absolutely wondrous at the absurdity of the stark vulgarity crying out?

Oh dear, can't you just see it all wrapped around your little finger? The dying addictions, the self afflicted cancers that eat away at our precious pretending souls? We claim to know something, to see it all but at the end of the day so very little is left of your world.

You can hear it. I know you can. The high pitched screaming along with the chittering legs of insects running rampant through the very essence of your being.

You can defy everything that is within, dance around the truth and be everything that I knew I never would choose not to be. Lusting for the attention and whoring out the being of myself just so I can please the monolith I raised. Sacrifices and blood pouring from your soul.

Every time and I mean every single time I look into your eyes, gaze into that steel cold reflection of myself...I see every last thing I have ever despised and wanted to kill. Nothing can hope to define the ecstasy of rage that burns in my heart at seeing you, the precious little angel concocted from misplaced sympathy and unadulterated lust.

A bastard child if there ever could be hope of one.

There could never be one I hate more, one I am more disconnected from and one that i will never know so deeply. Ego and super ego, persona and soul. One mind, one body, one flesh and one soul. We are one and the same, yet we are the polar opposite of carnal flesh and supernatural spirit. No hate could ever be met, no demonic screech could math the throes of our battles. Ultimately we are both wrong, both bastards in need of a redeeming wrench from the overwhelming powers of divine wrath.


Sing over me.
Let the waves of ocean flow underneath.
Be still in breath and wait to hear,
The voice of my love.
Sweet and low inside,
flowing within and without this life.
Even within the fevered pitch of my hate,
You have still loved me.

It is so ironic that every time I seek to serve you I just am trying to use you to further my own selfish goals. Every time I stop to talk or listen so often it is nothing more then a thinly veiled attempt at using people for my self gratification and self propulsion.

I'm much to exhausted right now to be able to apologize for it all...but for what little my sincerity is genuinely worth...I am sorry.

Thank You for being so much bigger then me, my failure and what little success I have had. Thank You for your ardent embrace and loving me. Thank you.

I really, really would like to quit now. Please?

Gargh.

I hate being so fricking tired that I can't even fall asleep. Being sick sucks too. Yes, it does.

It would be rather easy to join you in your vast array of opinions and of certain doubt...but I'll be passing.

Yeah it hurts...it burns...it is hard to keep perspective when things feel like they are collapsing under your feet...that you are unable to remain upright longer then a second...but here we are either way.

Choice is both the problem and the solution. We choose, we live, we die, we pain, we suffer, we desire, we...continue on recklessly oblivious of it all.

Here it comes and here it goes. No matter how you want to look at it, it is coming.

Infection
Breaking in
Screaming out
Every little word is tried
Every little thing that said

Drawn me in or cast me out
Your beauty is all I got left
It moves me after I stop
The downbeat with out a doubt
Pulls me back to life

More Lyrics That Aren't Mine

I'm nauseous, or maybe just inspired
So truthful, I begin to tire,
No less then everything.
No haiku, no paper packaged thing,
Patronized you harmonize, a thorax rattles so,
Like idealistic jargon every self-respecting hopeful ought to know.

I know the road to everything,
I know it goes right off a cliff,
Nothing, Nothing is forever

Sympathy I do indeed intake in bulk amounts,
For reasoning obscure it seems to numerous to count,
And so it goes the leser chose to crawl through narrow gates,
Bulimic thin the winding road now emptires into lakes,
A pulse is found, and so we drown, and sing for this duration,
From rows and rows of teeth we're spared, these artery serrations.

I know the road to everything,
I know it goes right off a cliff,
Nothing, Nothing is forever

Emptiness I must impress upon you in its granger,
My stagnant heart, it comes apart, as selfishness demands her,
To sound a note from scores I wrote,
And offer them unto thee,
For melodies now synthesized, Your love it lives within me.

Nothing is forever.

-Showbread, "A Llama Eats A Giraffe (And Vice Versa)"

Note to self: Find a better job so we can quit the current one.

Father, I'm begging you here...PLEASE help me sleep.