Psalm 34

"Taste and see that the Lord is good.
Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!
Fear the Lord, you his godly people,
for those who fear him will have all they need."
-Psalm 34:8-9

It's so hard to focus...to find a quiet place...to come here at all.
Why do I keep this stupid blog?
Why do I write personal spiritual junk for the world to see?
What was I thinking back in 2007?
Public accountability was a good idea?

I doubt.
I ache.
I feel.
I fear.
I want.
I need.

God is "I am", He IS.
I am here.
He is.
There is such a divide.
Even with Christ bridging the gap and carrying me.
I falter.
I fall.
I hurt.
I cry.
I need.
I ache so, so bad.

I feel harassed, pushed about and overcome by these waves.
This little ship is so close to capsizing and then what?
Am I to be lost to the waves?
I feel like Job so much but now it is Jonah.
I know this storm is for me.
I just do not know if I am going to drown.
Or if you will rescue me.
Jesus was three days in Hell just as Jonah suffered three days in the stomach of the fish.

Where am I to go?


"Darkness can't perceive the light,
though lightlessness has chilled us numb,
and though its wings may cloud the skies,
the dark shall never overcome.
Light of the World,
Your love, has never failed.

Your love,
Your mercy,
Your light unending.
Your hope,
Your peace,
Your strength my heart is mending.
Daylight.
Save Me."


I need Your refuge.
I need Your grace.
Despite what seems my ability to screw up it all.
Everything I am, everything I will be, everything I can be is rooted in You alone.
You and I.
I and You.
This Love.
Burning Hope.
Peace beyond understanding.
Eternal Love with no bounds.