Psalm 9

"But the Lord reigns forever,
executing judgment from his throne.
He will judge the world with justice
and rule the nations with fairness.
The Lord is a shelter for the oppressed,
a refuge in times of trouble.
Those who know your name trust in you,
for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you."
-Psalm 9:7-10

I can't fathom the impossibility of humans caring, loving and wanting to take care of one another.

I can't grasp a God who loves and never ceases to pursue His wayward and stupid bride.

Who am I?
What creature am I?
This guttural sounds disguised as words
and the self loathing
all worn like a badge of pride.

Who are You?
Messiah born in Bethlehem,
first hours spent among animals and dung.
Ceaseless in love covered grace,
crushing the snake with Your heel
even as we drove the nails in.

Nothing can be the same.
The pain ripping me apart on the inside
as I fall from place to place.
I have lived here
but never do I wish to return.
I can cry, scream out for help
and hope for Your return.
To catch me in Your arms
and never cease to pour out Your love on such as I.


I suppose the hope I have is that You don't abandon those searching for You.
Even in my fear, the confusion, the pain...
Feeling so lost and disconnected...someway and somehow make the distance between us not seem so impossibly great as they are.

This chasm between the natural and supernatural.
Flesh and spirit.
All wrapped into one package.
So much pain.
So much confusion.
Oh the regret...

But not for you.
Freedom never could come from free.
Losing the claw marks from my skin,
just dead weight one could never miss.