Ecclesiastes 4

"Again, I observed all the oppression that takes place under the sun. I saw the tears of the oppressed, with no one to comfort them. The oppressors have great power, and their victims are helpless. So I concluded that the dead are better off than the living. But most fortunate of all are those who are not yet born. For they have not seen all the evil that is done under the sun"
-Ecclesiastes 4:1-3

It is a profound moment when you finally reach the point where you realize those who are best off are those who never were.

I'm certainly not the poster child for optimism or being willing to always deal with how naive, how annoying, how frustrating, how frightening and madding life can be in a productive manner...but as a Christian, there reaches a point where I see grace...I can feel it in ways that go beyond my personal means of expression.

I guess...that is where faith, emotion, music, soul searching...just this need to rip myself open and analyze...see, dig and fight to understand not just how but why I believe...

There is misery in this world.
There is no way of getting around that.
Being Christian, being made alive in Christ...there is this screaming in my soul about the misery people are forced to live in...stupid poverty, those dying of addiction, those being abused and tortured by their government for political and religious reasons...

I cannot and refuse to see violence as being a valid means for any circumstances and still be able to claim the name of Christ.

Vengeance is the Lord's alone and I do not envy those who put others in a position to be abused and taken advantage of...but the beauty is that Christ chases after the tortuer and as much as he does the tortured.

I don't understand and can't understand God's love...this endless wall of grace that threatens to drown me and refuses to let me fall into my own world and live in a bubble of depression and despair.

There are those in this world hurting more than I can imagine.
I can't fix the world, that single handed messiahism won't help anyone...but maybe by letting go of the perfection and helping any and every person I can...

One person is enough.
These stupid writings, if they can help one person then my life might actually have some sort of redeemable quality to it.

That is really what is boils down to...I feel called to...things...things I don't even understand and I just want to be faithful...some sort of help, real and lasting help to those who can't help themselves...those broken and lost...

I've been broken, I've been lost...confused, hated, hating of myself and others, wanting to run away and wanting to hide...

"Simplicity is not a curse where strength is humbled and the powerless rise, and the powerless rise.
This is a kingdom born upside-down.
This is a kingdom where the broken are crowned.

Wait here for death. Wait here for death.
The "blessings" of excess are only a burden on us.

It is a broken system where we just wait for death.
It is a broken system where suffering can never end.

Simplicity is not a curse where strength is humbled and the powerless rise, and the powerless rise.
This is a kingdom born upside-down.
This is a kingdom where the broken are crowned...the broken are crowned.

If helplessness is our system then we're better off upside-down."