Ecclesiastes 3

"Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God."
-Ecclesiastes 3:11-13


Time and time again.
Living, breathing, thinking, hoping, helping, walking, crying, writing, eating, moving, driving, seeing, feeling, playing, working...all of these "-ing" verbs with life and life some more.

Where is it all going?

It is much harder to make myself stop, listen, consider, wonder, hope and pray than it should be...but then again...I have this habit of making life a bit more complicated than it should be.

I just feel like I'm going in sleepy circles.
That I am also hungry as well.
Sleepy, hungry, slightly apathetic and just...

I do not want to just take life at face value and forget why I am alive, why it is I am bothering to live and act and do in the first place...

Where is the time?
Where is my time?
Am I wasting it?
Or can this safely be said to be life?
Living?
Doing my best while sick and in pain?
Maybe not always winning but at least trying?

I suppose there is no cosmic score board and even when I do fall down...grace is there...has been, even when I have lacked the faith to believe it.

I can say sorry, I'm so so sorry...and it is true but...what now?
What is the positive step in a right...correct, more correct than another direction?

And...

So many words, so little time and...
Everything is spinning out of control.
Here.
There.
Everywhere.
Nowhere.

Be and being.
Further tangents.
Again.
Ack.

But love and grace...faith and hope.
So much, so much wonder and goodness...beyond my grasp.
Beauty beyond beauty.
Wonder beyond wonder.