Galatians 1:10-12

"Do you think I speak this strongly in order to manipulate crowds? Or curry favor with God? Or get popular applause? If my goal was popularity, I wouldn't bother being Christ's slave. Know this—I am most emphatic here, friends—this great Message I delivered to you is not mere human optimism. I didn't receive it through the traditions, and I wasn't taught it in some school. I got it straight from God, received the Message directly from Jesus Christ."
-Galatians 1:10-12


The question that has to be asked...at one point did it seem like conformity was the right path?

I suppose there is the danger of being so obsessed with avoiding conformity that there is this accidental bastardization that comes about by trying to avoid conformity...

My faith seems so sure...but then is it faith when all certainties are accounted for? I struggle with trusting such a powerful, all consuming God who seems obsessed with the impossible and implausible...because I...am so weak, so weak and tired. Sleep does never refresh me...and I am afraid I am in such a downward spiral.

Abby, Daddy...I am so weak, my health so frail...and these faith rises up in me when I have nothing, nothing left...I am so weak, so exhausted. I do not care about cliches, about the world to come because right now...this very minute, I am hurting, I am so weak...so tired.

"Too weak to wonder,
too tired to care,
Jesus Christ, are you really there?
I've fallen down,
Can't pull myself back up.
I'm going to drown, have mercy,
Have mercy.

I need you now,
Not words or a feeling.
But Jesus Christ,
I've hit the ceiling."

I don't care what they say, what they write...everything is coming to a climax with You as the sole reason for living...even this broken body of mine is Yours for whatever glory it can be given.

Please do not let me reduce you to a series of tests, a formula and loose what it means to have You be my Daddy, my Love, my reason, my being...everything I could ever dare dream to hope to see...to feel...to pray and want to know.

I suppose like Mary...I want...not I need to hide these words in my heart, to feel your love anew each day...I love You, even though I ache and want to scream until I am hoarse. I need You, I need You so much especially when I am hurting so bad and feel so weak...

Please, please, please do not tarry my Love, hurry and rescue me from the limb I got myself stuck on. I blame all on You when so much is my fault...I pass the blame but never the guilt and get myself stuck in cycles...

Thank you, thank you for love...such uncompromising grace and mercy that carries me.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
A million times again and again.
Such beauty, such wonder.
Such terror and such hope.
Jesus Christ,
everything I am
and pressing me to overcome
everything I am not.