Ephesians 3

"God’s purpose in all this was to use the church to display his wisdom in its rich variety to all the unseen rulers and authorities in the heavenly places. This was his eternal plan, which he carried out through Christ Jesus our Lord."
-Ephesians 3:10-11

To be perfectly honest...I do not begin to see how any of this could be planned.

Of course, I am a human.
Finite.
Broken.
Easily made sad.
Perhaps a bit too emotional for my own good.
Yet, here I am.
Alive.
Breathing.
Aching.
Hurting.
Loving.
Living.
Playing.
Reading.
Running.
Feeling.

All these emotions, states of being, actions, verbal exchange and cycles of life I fall into and around every day of my life.

How do you begin to understand or tolerate how complexly stupid we all are?
Why do you take mind of us?
Why did you create us when you knew how bad we would be?
Why does my body have to hurt so much?


The Darkness sees us, sees the Church that Christ made and He made us to stand as a testament to his grace, his power, his wisdom, his mercy...his love. How insane is that?

I do not understand...but You love me.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Words, these frail and broken words do nothing to convey the beauty of grace that I have tasted, that has called me from death into life.
You, You alone can take this broken body and shattered soul, piece them together and make something new...make something beautiful and wonderful.

These frail hands penning such weak words, this will all last just a bit longer...and then freedom from this misery, this pain and this fear.

Yet, there is life to be lived.
Now.
Such a struggle, such a painful struggle you have made easier with those who love and support me.
I'm not sure how I can process or handle any of this...but thank you.
Thank you again and again and again.