Psalm 36

"How precious is your unfailing love, O God!
All humanity finds shelter
in the shadow of your wings."
-Psalm 36:7

With all the pain, hate, anger, hurting and fear floating around this Hellish nightmare landscape...I'm sorry I forget about this love...this compassion You have for others. I don't understand but that does not excuse apathy and ignoring other people's pain because of apathy.

I never thought I would be back in Mobile or stuck here as long as I have and am going to be...yet You knew about this. You knew about me living in this house, those I would meet, the friends I would bump into last night, the conversations I would have today.

Is there a purpose and plan in this growing disaster?
I pray, I ache, my soul cries out for others and myself...and so often it feels like just...maybe...it's all in vain.

And...yet, Your love is still here...even when I want to doubt and no longer believe.
This doubt feels like it covers my skin...like a second coating of sin that tries to burrow under my flesh and slide into my soul. I feel infected with apathy and a lack of concern for the world.

I don't want to be You...but I want to feel your love and compassion and carry that to those I know and do not know. I do not need a bigger ego...just a bigger capacity for love and wanting to help others.



I need You here right now...just as badly as the others need You right now...in such a vivid and true way. Not just words or a feeling...but You like only You can do. No matter what happens I need to believe that at the end of this day Your love still remains for a faithless fiend like me...that no matter how much more pain I cause and how deep I try to dig this hole...Your love will win out over this Hell.

Teach me to truly pray.
For my words are naught more than worthless garbage.