Anger is such a useless emotion.
Things go bad and all apart...I am perhaps the only person in the whole world who manages to accomplish nothing when I am angry.

I cannot yell at anyone, hurt them, break things or anything whatsoever...I actually care about people so I can't treat them as objects to use and toss away when I get done with them.

I just...

I am so frustrated with my body not healing, not getting better...small things get under my skin and agitate me...and I just forget why I am even alive in the first place.

Father I am so weary...I find no rest in sleep from the nightmares and most of my waking moments are marked second by second from the pain that comes from breathing, walking, eating food...what am I supposed to do?

I want to believe it will get better than you actually give a damn about me...but my faith isn't that strong. I feel like...I have tried, I have done this...I have done that and ultimately it's all been pointless, meaningless...because I can't even function, I can barely make it to class.

I have nothing left.
I am beyond exhausted and the medication...does nothing, it makes me unable to function.
What kind of sick joke is this?

I feel like I am just falling apart faster every day...and the best service I could do is just to remove every presence of myself here...and there...just find some solitude and peace in the darkness.