Psalm 123

"I lift my eyes to you,
O God, enthroned in heaven.
We keep looking to the Lord our God for his mercy,
just as servants keep their eyes on their master,
as a slave girl watches her mistress for the slightest signal.
Have mercy on us, Lord, have mercy,
for we have had our fill of contempt.
We have had more than our fill of the scoffing of the proud
and the contempt of the arrogant."
-Psalm 123:1-4

Mercy...such beauty, such wonder after a lifetime of trying to find perfection that can never be. I am so sick of trying to find something that isn't there...trying to beat myself to find a life that isn't there...and the bitterness and anger that comes from being disappointed with everything and nothing.

Can I let go?
I can I just let everything go?
Fall, fall into your arms and forget every pain and sin I have ever felt?

It is a new day, a new life, a new everything...and I just want to go back to sleep. Can that be my worship for now? Just enjoying another hour or two of sleep because I feel like crap?

I love you Daddy, I love you so much.
You are amazing and so beautiful to me.
I never know what will happens but even when horrible, horrible stuff happens you love me...and I can never thank you enough, worship or praise you enough.
Thank you.

Thank you for loving me as I am, not what I should be.