I'm tired of the base...the darker self...the gauntlet of emotions that I run every time a minor imperfection appears.

I want to breath.
I want feel free.
Even from the addiction of self hate.

Can I ever be free to just enjoy the perfect imperfections of life?
Without this crippling need for perfection and the want to throw a fit just because every single sub atomic particle isn't floating my way?

I disgust myself because I can have everything 'perfect' and a simple, minor detail can go wrong and I freak out...and...just...

I am, I am, I am.
Such wonderful ignorance
mixed with sin.

I don't know.
Only You do.
I am too exhausted to sort this crap out and the medications are starting to overpower me.


Just...please don't leave me here all alone.
Please.