Psalm 70

"But may all who search for you
be filled with joy and gladness in you.
May those who love your salvation
repeatedly shout, “God is great!”
But as for me, I am poor and needy;
please hurry to my aid, O God.
You are my helper and my savior;
O Lord, do not delay."
-Psalm 70:4-5


The more I force myself to read the Bible, to write, to spend time in prayer, to just throw my thoughts up on this stupid blog...the more I am gaining a bird's eye view of the paradox I am.

At any moment You could have ripped my atoms asunder, scattered this sinful mass across the world and eradicate my soul...but dare I to believe...You love me?

Not just love because you have to but love because you actually want to spend time with me? That you desire me? That you want the superstition to be pulled away and the curtain just ripped apart...and the distance closed by letting you near?

I struggle with believing in this intense love because of how the pain is...why must things be so protracted and drawn out? All this death and agony...somehow can work together for something better? I don't understand...I want to return to bed and hide from reality...not delve into the pain of people's lives...but that is the point of love...to spread...


I am just out of breath,
tired from running everywhere.
Can I lay here
just lay here and be loved?
Not based on my performance,
my shoddy morality
or anything else
but just...me...as me?