Psalm 62

"I wait quietly before God,
for my victory comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress where I will never be shaken."
-Psalm 62:1-2


You are the only one who really knows me...every thought, every shameful secret, every failure, how excruciating the pain is in my body...and in my soul.

I am ashamed of my weakness, the fact I am weak at all...that I can't be perfect and help everyone...where does this insanity come from?

At no point did You say I have to fix the world, that I have to 'save' everyone...

You said I was supposed to love You, love others, love myself and be faithful.
That is all You ask of me...everything else are details to be worked on.

I want to find real rest in You, in any circumstances...I can't love the people in the house, in my life, my family, my friends, any church, any people, anyone on a real level by myself.
There will reach a point where I freak out and want to run away...where pain becomes real and I have to sacrifice to make things work.

I want the shadows within me to be stopped.
Give me the strength to rage against the night within myself so that I never am content with a mediocre spiritual life. Quite me down, hold me, love me, keep me near...watch over me so I can sleep at night, protect me from the darkness that feels almost tangible.

I want to remember how to love.
Teach me again.
Sing over me my Love, restore my heart while purging it of everything that is wrong.

I love You, oh how I love You.


"Touch me
Take me to that other place
Reach me
I know I'm not a hopeless case

What you don't have you don't need it now
What you don't know you can feel somehow
What you don't have you don't need it now
Don't need it now
It was a beautiful day"