I hate being in the mindset where I have to keep myself insanely busy or...I start to get lost in thoughts...feelings...emotions...recollections as it were.

I think that is what I have succeeded in doing to some degree or so the past few weeks...being so involved with friends I forgot the end is coming...I put it off and out of mind.

But now...the gripping silence of this proverbial sanitarium is a place I cannot stand much longer. To tarry here would be to court disaster and her sister insanity, the silence is its own brand of oppression...and yet...memories continue and sustain themselves.

I've been doing a lot of thinking...and keeping myself busy...thankfully I haven't gotten as lost as I am prone to being...however...this is the however which matters...the choice is coming and I have already made the decision.

The problem is understanding why I decided this way.

...can't I at least get a cookie while I mull this over?