Dirt Encrusted Heart

I feel,
I feel the tension,
the cancer
eating you on the inside.

I see,
I see the revelation,
the pain
you wear as a see through dress.

Every time,
Every moment,
that is passing by me on the street
I wonder how this all came to be
why we just can't stop this madness
long enough to see,
see each other through the night.

I hate,
I hate just this feeling,
this gangrene frustration
building up in my body
as I seek to cut it out
and have you see my intent,
how my heart is real
and vibrant and alive.

But you,
yes you dear angel of night,
do you still feel?
Does your orbit around earth
even permit you to hear sound?
Do you see the pinning
and tear drops fall while crying,
all this for you,
just to gather attention once again?

I can't quite comprehend
just how all this came to be
and instead,
I just sit here drinking
and hoping for reprieve,
that life will be mine to live again.
Just without your circular logic,
the short circuits in my soul
that you set off
when you tripped the breaker
on your way out each door.

Not just running from me
but leaving yourself behind
and we both watch on
wondering when you'll bother to return,
pay a visit to you and you,
but don't worry about me.
It's already a late night
so I'm going to turn in
and hope that maybe
this has all just been a dream,
maybe a bad night
or just my selfish heart pursuit.