Nice Night

I made brownies for my best friend's birthday and took aforementioned brownies and hung out with him and his wife.

Me and James have been playing through this new game called Borderlands that he got for his birthday. It's an interesting attempt to breath new life into the incredibly tired realm of first person shooters by injecting RPG elements into it (think Fallout 3 except an actual attempt at giving slightly less linear game play with more weapons then you can shake a stick at). I could use more RPG elements and more story...but games these days are tailored fit to a generation that responds to short attention spans that only like shiny things, explosions and shiny explosions.

But it was a fun night.

We ate a good number of the brownies and consumed and unhealthy amount of caffeine.

Sadly we never got around to recording ourselves while we played the game because some absurd stuff occurred.

Many classic lines involving accusations of me drugging the brownies, large amounts of conversation questioning the very nature of reality and James and myself laughing like mad anytime a sufficient enough explosions happened or one of us did something awesome.

It was nice.

Reminded me of the few things I actually enjoy in this area.

But...I can't wait to move.
I'll miss the few friends I'm still on really good terms with...but I feel more exciting things are yet to come.


I've been reading through "Jesus Loves You This I Know" which was coauthored by Craig Gross, founder of xxxchurch.com ministries, and God this book is so exciting!

It reminds me why I was called to ministry...to go to the gutter and tell people Jesus loves them regardless of their past or present...we aren't called to be perfect before we are loved...instead we are called to be transformed by His love and power.

I want to get into the gutter God has called me to...I want to find this area...with or without friends, past or present.

I'm willing to go...it's just following.

Does this make sense to anyone else?

I'm so sick of being told what we can't do...who we can't go to...I want to find where I'm being called and go. Regardless of my health...I want to be poured out and to empty myself so I can be filled with Love, true everylasting Love.

If I can give myself, surrender myself to this flames and let all this spiritual fat burn away and all this unneeded baggage...I want to go. I want to love everyone, show the 'worst sinner' that they are loved unconditonally by the same Jesus who saved and loves me.

It's going to hut so bad, I'm going to loose everything on this planet...but I don't care anymore. If I can't have Jesus, if I can't go where I'm called then to Hell with all of this anyways. I'm alive now and may be dead soon anyways...what do other things matter? Possessions? Money? Health? Relationships?

God will provide what I need if I just go...but where is it?

Am I on the right path by getting this job, saving up money and checking out schools in California? Should I still keep applying for a ministry internship in Vegas with xxxchurch? Where do I go from here Father? Show me! Please!

I'm so sick of me and I'm so in need of You!
Please...show me the door and I'll go crashing through it with a freaking bat if I have to...I just need to know.

Please.