Honestly

I am lying when I say I'm okay.

That I am feeling great and that the pain isn't so bad today.

But I think it's a lie that will save my life.

One of the more bizarre, yet practical, things C.S. Lewis wrote about in 'Mere Christianity' is how if we have trouble loving someone then we should pretend that we do. We should make ourselves act like we love them and eventually out mind and heart will follow suite.

For better or for worse I'm trying to apply that to my situation...I'm going to keep pushing for all the medical treatment I can get, continual exercising, doing everything I can to eat better and maybe even figure out how to sleep at night.

However I will be saying I feel better.

That I have hope about the future and I'm excited about the non particular future plans of which I have.

It's lie too but it's an EXCITING lie.

How often do I get to say that?

I'm a dirty, rotten, sinful liar and I just giggled about it.

Screw you logic! I'm in pain but I'm feeling better! I am to the point I'm going to stab the next doctor that refuses to give me pain medication...but I'll stab them with a smile!

Yes!

Fibromyalgia my *inset appropriate profanity laced euphemism*!

If this is the WORST then I laugh.

Yes at you disease.

If this is the worse it can get then I am sad my body can't punish me more.

Ha.

Ha.

Ha.

Have I mentioned that I don't sleep much these days?

#_#