Cherry Blossoms in the Winter

It's like feeling my soul
being soiled by your thoughts
ripped apart with every perceived
preconceived notion about my worth
every word
every breath
every single wasted thought
about you is a crime.
Making me hate my soul.

I wanted love,
acceptance
and guidance
all you can spare
is bitter
bitten
battered
hate
about yourself
focused on what I lack
in your picture perfect
fallen
falling apart
diseased
cadaver
you mistaken for a life.

I want to scream,
take the time to throw up
all of these lies
I've swallowed,
just years at a time,
and remind myself
just why it is
we are the way
and you are.

Just screaming words of being
justifying meaning
before you strip them off,
just with a single glance,
a bit of subdue verbiage.
Every time I think I'm free
I see myself a slave
in front of you
before you again.
I can scream until this collapses
and all I'll do
is just worship this hate.

Everything in this is a lie,
every word you see
every metaphor you process
into an image,
just a lie you sing
you cover your shame with
just to make me hate you more.

I want love,
so much it hurts.
I can't see you now,
just shadows and mirrors
blocking out
and I couldn't even see you
with a telescope
or see you close,
explore every inch with a microscope,
all I have is this duality,
this false nature
coupled with my personal insanity.
I miss you like mad
and hope there is eternity
because I know I'll never see,
I'll never fully hear
or know you until then.