So This Is...

Somethings do nothing but press this depressed part of my soul deeper and further into the hole it wishes to hide in.

There is so much heartbreak, so much suffering, so much pain and what feels like so little that can be done.

Praying feels insufficient. Simply just talking, just saying "Oh, I'm sorry you have terminal cancer, a heroine addiction, that your baby just died or anything...and that I'll pray for you." It feels so empty, so insufficiently hollow.

There is no love without action and the only life worth living is one devoted to serving in love...but God, it hurts to even think of the pain. I want to hide from myself and from God just because I feel so insufficient.

Love does win, without any lack of confidence it does. The love given from above and what shards we humans manage to assemble in this hell on earth...but it is not enough, God it never feels enough.

So many words feel so hollow and devoid of meaning. So many thoughts are just beyond realism that ridicule would never be sufficient.

What does it all mean?

The deeper I press into my soul, that has fallen into this hole, the deeper I press the sharper the pain and the more focused my clarity becomes.

It is nice to be able to stop and take a breath of air. No matter how dark this night becomes and the number of innocents lost...there has to be more than this Terra firmer...this collection of incidents that form life. Not just out of hope but there has to be more than this benign reality television laden empty cow eyed staring cookie crumbling bastion of morality failed hole in the ground...because this doesn't do it for me.

It's not just me, it's the soul that incorporates this broken shell that cries for hope and love beyond this world. That needs the love.

That needs your love, your hope and the peace that defies this world's understanding.