I won't even pretend I understand just what it is you are doing.

You know, it almost seems like there is some method behind this absolute insanity, beyond this pain and this hopelessness.

What does it take to get your attention? Prayer? Kind words? Screaming? Whoring my body and soul out to every last sin and desire I have? Breaking my last threads of sanity and dignity?

Do you want me to beg? To plead? To just acknowledge how much of a screw up I am?

I am not sure who I hate more right now, you or me.

I am in pain right now, do you even give a damn? Do you flinch when you look down from your throne and see me in pain? Does it concern you at all, in the very least that I hate life itself? That I curse and loathe the day I was born? That I would have been better to never have been born? That if you simply wanted me to suffer, could we not have forgo this incredibly disgusting life of dwelling in a body and you could have just thrown my soul into just whatever Hell is?

I ask but I know in advance I will not be getting any kind of answer that is actually tangible, something that could actually make me feel better.

How about a hug? How about just a fucking hug? Is it too much to ask? Is it just to damn much to ask of someone as infinite and holy as you? To just ask for you to please crawl down into this mud, into this disgusting and revolting life and just hold me? Is it too much?

I know you are supposed to love me and of all these untouchable promises but what about now? If there is only pain, then what the fuck is the point?

I hate you just as much as I love you. There is so much rage in my heart right now, so much uncontrolable hate in me.

I'm sick of cursing and using bad words, I'm tired of hurting others, I'm sick of being someone I am not. I hate my very being but I so desperately want to be accepted and love for just whoever I am.

Are my tears meaningless too?
Is anything of my existence worth anything?
If this is all my life is going to be, kill me now before I have to do it myself.