Day 3

"But you, O Lord, are a shield around me; you are my glory, the one who holds my head high."
-Psalm 3:3

The last thing I think of you as a shield. My initial thoughts are that I need to do something to get something from you. That if I am nice enough, kind enough and caring enough then you will make me happy. Like there is some kind of magical 'happy' button that could be pushed.

Unless I'm just missing things you want to hold me enough and be equal in our love, you want to protect me, keep me safe, encourage me and hold me tightly.

It's not enough that I want to do better or to succeed, my being longs for you. The hollow emptiness that i keep trying to feel is just that, a gnawing longing for belonging and security. I run in circles because I'm used to this track but you are so much bigger then I give you credit for, then I realize as I even try to write to you.

Please lift me up onto this rock, this high place and hold me closer still. Help me to stop acting so silly and instead help me to simply be yours and you be mine, forever. However that looks like and however painful it may be you are my beginning and my end.