Jesus, uncommon doubt followed by uncommon ways.

I miss...so much of you.

Please don't leave me here. Take me where you will, just don't leave me here.

I can't live with or without you.

Just take it away...this burden is to much because I am to selfish to leave myself behind and follow you. I trapped under a mountain of pain, guilt, doubt, self hate, self loathing...because I'm disobedient and cannot abandon this all to follow you. I have turned a deaf ear for so long that I hear nothing but my own doubt. Hell cannot be worse then realizing you are deaf to the only one you want to even love.

I feel sick in the mind for realizing this but not being able to do more about ti, to be able to do another thing about it...to be able to breath about it, to feel it, take it in, absorb it, live it, carry it and make things really it.

God I miss the closeness you used to be, the love I used to feel, the order, the symmetry. Please don't let this continue on much longer.